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Posted by Strytho, 29 December 2016 · 46 views

So I have couple things to talk about today.


Work has been getting really busy so I haven't had as much time for my blog because my coworkers are slacking and I'm being left to pick up the work. My bosses are now getting really mad at them because they aren't doing their jobs and I can't do it all by myself. I am overworking and they have noticed. In addittion, these same coworkers are violating policies so as of right now I am good and fine. I am not in trouble and am in no risk of getting into trouble. On the other hand, these two are on the chopping block so it's up in the air on what could happen. Due to thie entries are goin to be more sparse until I can get a better handle on what is going on.


Next issue is that I'm off for the next 3 days (whooooooooooo!) and then I'm going to spend 2 week at the bridgeton store getting everything back into shape (I work for walmart fyi) I know one of the manangers there and she is a good person so I'm glad to help. The big issue is that I won't have a lot of time at home so I'll pretty much be spending that eating, sleeping, and getting ready for work. On the bright side this will show my bosses just how much I do for the troy store because I won't be there to bail them out. I the minus side I'm going to have to not make any blog entries during this time so that I can get enough rest. I might make one next weekend or one if I get really bored on the car ride home from work since I won't be driving, but other than that it will be radio silence for the next 2 weeks for the most part.


Now for the other part.


For those of you who may wonder, I have a little issue you might have noticed. I gobble it up when people show me or treat me with value. I have a bit of a value issue in terms of others. This is a bit of a struggle to me. As a kid must people didn't treat me that way and I was seen and treated as a pest and a burden. This has unforutnatelly shaped me in a large part in how I am toady. I see myself with value, but I get suuprised when I get it from other and can over shower gratitude. The truth is that
I never got over the whole value thing because I wasn't truly valued until I reached adulthood. I got some in middle school and a large increase in high school, but I wasn't truly valued as a person until I got to college. This shaped my identity and somewhat of a bad way because it's sometimes hard to accept that people really value me and are being genuine and not sarcastic. I can accept it but I am always cautious, warry, and in some cases in disbelief. I appreciate how everyone here values me and it means a lot to me. It's just... This wasn't how it always was and it is sometimes hard to remember that this isn't that past, that I'm not still in breckonridge.


*Nothing I can say or do will take away what I've been through*
*What you are is what I've come to be*
*Nothing you can say to me can take away these memories*
*What you are is what I've come to be*


As you may have noticed I express myself through music alot. Music is one of the purest ways for me to express my emotions because there is a song for almost everything nowadays and it keep on expanding.


Well this is all for me tonight guys. I thank you for reading and This isn't the last time you hear from me.

A rather interesting note. When you speak of people treating you with value, and you really appreciating that, I am reminded of something about myself, that is bizarrely very much the antithesis of what you described.
I'm exactly the opposite: I don't like compliments at all, and I quickly rebuff them unless it's about something I myself take personal pride in - in which case I slowly rebuff it.

I know why: it's because I don't like being visible. I like working quietly behind the scenes, my effects felt but not seen. I have quiet joy when I see someone look at something I did or made, and don't tie me at all to it. But if someone tells me I did a good job on something I really don't care about at all (which is most things), it comes off as some sort of insult.

Perhaps I'm weird, but telling me to "just take the compliment" is probably more insulting. I'm working on trying to wean it off the insults. Slowly.

January 2017

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