1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Welcome to Lake Valor!
    Catch, train, and evolve Pokémon while you explore our community. Make friends, and grow your collection.

    Login or Sign Up

Super cool game reviews: Only the highest quality vidya gaems

Discussion in 'Video Games' started by Halcyon Storm, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Posts:
    6,342
    PokéPoints:
    ₽1,463.8
    Hi
    It's me
    Your friendly neighborhood game reviewer
    Astralogy

    Today we'll be reviewing one of the absolute best games ever to have come out on this planet, in my opinion.
    It's called 20 Billion Wives.

    [​IMG]

    It's a completely free game for my favorite gaming console, my phone.
    I like it a lot because I carry it with me all the time, so I can always play whenever I'm bored.

    Anyway what drew me towards the game was of course the name
    Because let's be honest
    Who doesn't want 20 Billion Wives??

    Alright let's check out the game already
    [​IMG]

    As you can see, the artstyle is pretty much perfect, it's comparable to other, clearly inferior games like Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey, and this will surely stand the test of time.

    So, the story of this game is actually quite deep and intriguing, and it really sucked me in as soon as I started playing.
    Basically what it comes down to is you play as yourself, and you try to marry as many wives as possible. The desirable amount 20 billion, I can only assume.

    [​IMG]
    I married my first wife! And what a catch she is, I'm totally hooked on this game already.

    One other thing to note is that the music is actually really good. Sure, there's only one track with a 30 second loop, but it's a good one at that.

    [​IMG]

    I'm making a lot of progress already, marrying different wives left and right.

    I really like the forward stance this game is taking on the very sensitive topic of polygamy. In the current day society people have become massively scared of taking any kind of opinion that could be considered "offensive" by others, but this game throws all that out of the window and just follows its heart, and I applaud it for that. Good on ya, game.

    [​IMG]
    Let it be known that I spent $10 on this game just to get the highest quality review out for everyone. If you are ever in a bad mood, and feel like nobody cares about you, just remember that I did this, just for you. I care.

    Also, if you're REALLY good at the game, you can unlock special cutscenes with the wives. It's really awesome, and the graphics are amazing. Here's a sneak preview:

    [​IMG]

    I'm pretty sure this game took inspiration from Pokémon GO, but instead of forcing the player to move their entire body to different locations in their surrounding area, this game takes a step back and limits the movement to the player's finger, across different locations on the screen. This makes it more accessible for different kinds of audiences.

    Honestly, I've been really addicted to this game, and I don't think there's anything that could make me stop playing now...

    [​IMG]
    And just like that, I am cured.


    With all that said, it's time to reach my final verdict for this fantastic game:


    It's a god damn clicker game, 5/10


    Please like, comment and subscribe, don't forget to click that bell icon, and check out my patreon as well. This video was sponsored by audible. Audible has over 20 billion books, narrated by famous people, such as George Washington and Bob Ross.

    Also don't forget to follow me on facialbook, twooter, tamblr, snurpchurt and instagramophone. See you next time with another stunningly amazing review
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    ConfettiCat, JadeFox and Butternut like this.
  2. Eclipse

    SkittleBox
    (Staryu)
    Level 82
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Posts:
    6,121
    PokéPoints:
    ₽7.0
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    I wasn't sure what to think of your review until I saw and noticed this particular screenshot. Well played. Liked, commented, and subscribed.
    ...or at least commented; I don't think we have a subscription system here (that I'm aware of).
     
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  3. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Posts:
    6,342
    PokéPoints:
    ₽1,463.8
    Hey guys
    It's ya boy Astralogy
    Back at it again with another earth shattering game review

    Before we get started, I want to say thank you for the overwhelming support I've received in my previous review, you guys mean the world to me. Seriously I would not be doing this without you guys. It's crazy to think about how far I've come with this series ever since I started doing this back in yesterday. It's been a wild ride, and it's all thanks to my supporters. You guys are the best!

    Now let's get back to the review
    Today I saw this hidden gem on the play store
    And I just couldn't resist getting my hands on it
    [​IMG]

    This is basically the recipe for the perfect game. Combine my two absolute favorite things in the world: Anime and figgle spindas

    As soon as you open up the game, you're greeted by this lovely lady:
    [​IMG]
    So like, you know you're in for a good time

    The music is pretty alright, but not as good as the masterpiece of 20 Billion Wives, unfortunately.
    So you're probably wondering about the gameplay, and oh boy I'm glad you asked. This game really excels in the area of quality gameplay, so come on and take a look.

    [​IMG]
    You have to tap the screen in order to give a good swing at your fiddle spider
    And then it spins
    And it keeps spinning
    It's pretty dope

    But that's not all!
    Yeah, this game comes with even more variety
    Every fangle spoober is paired with a certain character, which you can make battle against each other in epic fights!!!

    [​IMG]
    As you can clearly see, the fight scenes are riveting, and tension rises high

    As you win more battles, you earn special diamonds, which you can use to get more fondle discs

    Here's me acquiring a super rare digimon:
    [​IMG]

    I'm a little disappointed with the game though, it seems like they took a lot of inspiration from a small indie game called Pokémon. They used the whole typing matchup system of different elements first, but this game stole that completely. Although Anime Floppy Spartle Battle clearly utilised this unique system better, it's still sad to see these small companies like Pokémon get screwed over by these superior developers.
    [​IMG]

    At this point, I'm pretty much a master at this game. I've mastered the art of fiddle sporks and win nearly every battle I partake in. If you think you can beat me at a game like this, look at my stats and rethink your thoughts:
    [​IMG]
    Yeah, I thought so too

    So now, it's time to give my final verdict for this game

    It's awful don't get this piece of trash, 3/10

    Thanks for watching, and I'll see you guys in the next video. Don't forget to leave a comment and like the video. Also subscribe to this channel, my second channel, gaming channel, vlog channel, make-up tutorials channel, unboxing channel, challenges channel, channel channel, and pewdiepie.
     
  4. Getus

    Getus The Senate

    Ky
    (Kyogre Egg)
    Level 18
    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2016
    Posts:
    1,166
    PokéPoints:
    ₽111.6
    Philosopher's CowlReaper Cloth ★★★Psychium Z ★★★★Great Ball ★★Cooler Gary Oak ★★★★★
    This entire review... It is a masterpiece. I hereby grant it a 11.25/10 star rating for how indepth it got, it's quality in providing us, the readers, just what we want to know in an unbiased fashion. Excellent work my pink, sparkly friend!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  5. Achromatic

    Achromatic #TeamMagikarp

    Eevee (KS)
    (Eevee (KS))
    Level 17
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2012
    Posts:
    12,736
    PokéPoints:
    ₽700.5
    Deep Sea Scale ★★★Deep Sea Tooth ★★★Star Piece ★★★★Rage Candy Bar ★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★
    This is the best video game review of all time. Watch out IGN.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  6. Eclipse

    SkittleBox
    (Staryu)
    Level 82
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Posts:
    6,121
    PokéPoints:
    ₽7.0
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    Every time you see Astralogy botch the phrase 'fidget spinner', take a drink!

    No joke, I read through this review just to see how many times you would use different 2-word phrases to represent them. I counted six, my favourite of which was 'fondle discs'.
     
    Halcyon Storm and Vigilance like this.
  7. Vigilance

    Vigilance once here, now gone

    Fletchling
    (Fletchling)
    Level 54
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2017
    Posts:
    5,169
    PokéPoints:
    ₽404.2
    Master BallGold Bottle Cap ★★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★Beast Ball ★★★★Staff of Verity
    This is quite the masterpiece, awe-inspiring and emotionally charging, another amazing review!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  8. Auric

    Auric Platinum Addict

    Another one!!??!
    (Azelf)
    Level 1
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2017
    Posts:
    546
    PokéPoints:
    ₽35.6
    Black Glasses ★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Poké Ball ★Soda Pop ★Oran Berry ★★
    This entire thread is pure cringe. The first game is a weird clicker game that people usually only play for an hour or so. The second one, i mean, seriously? A fidget spinner battling game. Why do people make games like that? Why don't they just get a real fidget spinner?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  9. Eclipse

    SkittleBox
    (Staryu)
    Level 82
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Posts:
    6,121
    PokéPoints:
    ₽7.0
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    I would rather not have to point this out, but...

    [​IMG]
     
    Vigilance and Halcyon Storm like this.
  10. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Posts:
    6,342
    PokéPoints:
    ₽1,463.8
    Howdy turdburglers
    It's the myth
    The legend
    The hero himself
    Astralogy
    And oh boy I brought another top quality game for you today

    I proudly present to you:
    [​IMG]
    You know it's gonna be good when the app store itself warns you that the game might be complete trash.
    Anyway what really drew me to this is the obvious Meowth hot air balloon, which isn't even in the same quality as the entire game.
    So let's potentially break my phone and download this bad boy.

    [​IMG]
    Oh boy
    We're in for a wild ride
    This game is taking some creative liberty with the whole Pokémon thing, and I'm not sure what to think about it.
    There's beta Breloom
    Alolan Liligant
    And straight up Rafflesia
    Glorious

    [​IMG]
    I feel like I'm having a fever dream over here.
    Clearly this is just to avoid copyright issues, but aren't some of the characters themselves also copyrighted?

    [​IMG]
    Well that solves that issue.

    I swear to god I am ironically enjoying this a little too much

    [​IMG]
    Misty looks alright to me, but... since when does Ash have green hair? Is he related to N? Quick, someone call Matpat, there's a Game Theory to be made here.

    I named my character Nash, which is short for not-quite-Ash. I think it's pretty clever.

    [​IMG]
    So... what's the point in renaming Oak to Dr. Ooki, if you're not going to keep it consistent with the other characters? I was dying to meet Gary Ooki, but instead yet another disappointment comes my way.

    So, as with typical Pokémon procedure, I go ahead and get my starter... Monster. Apparently they kinda gave up at this point and just gave every creature their original name and design, so from here on it's a little bit less exciting.

    What is exciting, however, is the "random" nickname option:
    [​IMG]
    This is what new Pokémon games really need.

    I mean, what else is there to say? The music is all from generation V, so I assume that's when this game was made. The characters occasionally talk in broken English, which I'm sure was a conscious decision to represent the different cultures mixed into modern society. Not everybody has the same grasp on the English language, and this game beautifully represents that. Apart from that, the game just looks beautiful, and the battles are...
    [​IMG]
    ... downright riveting.
    Also note how in the lower-right menu, it's called Pokémon again? I don't think they really got an agreement on what they should be called in the boardroom meetings, so everyone just kinda went their own way.

    By the way, this is what the homescreen looks like:
    [​IMG]
    I'm quite impressed with how they managed to fit so many things on a tiny screen. I mean, that takes some very skilled coordination to manage all of that, and I applaud them for what they achieved. Good job team!

    So obviously, I've been absolutely hooked on this game. I've been playing this for hours on end, and I basically can't stop. Here's a few more noteworthy moments compiled together to save time:
    [​IMG]
    Lower left corner this time, apparently someone else thought Eudemon was the right name to go with... Diversity galore!

    [​IMG]
    It's pretty cool how they got a brand deal with Bulbapedia, and just put all their information right in the game. Makes the entire experience a lot better, in my opinion.

    [​IMG]
    No comment

    [​IMG]
    No comment intensifies

    [​IMG]
    I'll be using this phrase unironically in the future. This is pure gold

    [​IMG]
    Oh look, it's the... gym manager. Sounds like a tough job

    [​IMG]
    $99 FOR A SHINY GYARADOS
    WE DID IT PEOPLE
    THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD
    CONGRATULATIONS

    This game is truly one of a kind. I never expected to have such an amazing experience with this game, but damn I've been hooked on it. Therefore, I will now give my final rating:

    All the stolen content aside, the game isn't actually all that horrible. It's definitely playable, and much faster than actual Pokémon games... 6/10

    Thanks for sticking through the entire review, I'm glad you made it to the end. I'd like to take a moment of your time to talk about something very important to me.
    And that's noodles.
    Noodles are one of the best things on this planet, and I'm sure you'll agree, but there are dangerous sides too. Every year, there are over 2 noodle-related deaths, and the numbers keep rising. Please help me spread awareness for these poor people, by talking about it with your friends, family, anyone. Just start talking about noodles, and you'll be sure to find others who have had their own experiences as well. Don't hide away from your problems. #Noodles4life
     
    ConfettiCat and Butternut like this.
  11. Cadbberry

    Cadbberry Dad: 76.... Or Cad: 76

    Cosmo
    (Eevee (KS))
    Level 12
    Joined:
    May 25, 2014
    Posts:
    4,535
    PokéPoints:
    ₽654.3
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Love Ball ★★★★★GS Ball ★★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    Your reveiw of that spinner game, amazing, made me want to play every fudgey sprinkler game on the app store.
    Also this Pokémon game, I have seen worse, that seems like an ok game, aside from asking for 99 bucks.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  12. Vigilance

    Vigilance once here, now gone

    Fletchling
    (Fletchling)
    Level 54
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2017
    Posts:
    5,169
    PokéPoints:
    ₽404.2
    Master BallGold Bottle Cap ★★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★Beast Ball ★★★★Staff of Verity
    Astralogy, I would like to forego the funds I have collected for Patron and donate towards your Shiny Gyarados mission. Another amazing review. Classic!
     
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  13. Auric

    Auric Platinum Addict

    Another one!!??!
    (Azelf)
    Level 1
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2017
    Posts:
    546
    PokéPoints:
    ₽35.6
    Black Glasses ★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Poké Ball ★Soda Pop ★Oran Berry ★★
    I know it's a joke. Even the title of the thread is a joke.
     
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  14. Eclipse

    SkittleBox
    (Staryu)
    Level 82
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Posts:
    6,121
    PokéPoints:
    ₽7.0
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    Did this thread just turn into Bootleg Hell?
     
    Halcyon Storm likes this.
  15. ConfettiCat

    ConfettiCat ( ☞ゝω・)☞

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Posts:
    522
    PokéPoints:
    ₽564.8
    Blue Orb ★★★★★Whipped Dream ★★★★
    I genuinely laughed when I read this, I actually saw 20 Billion Wives at the Playstore a while back while hunting for some time killers (and Japanese games bc I'm trash). I didn't download it, but it was funny to look at, at least.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Halcyon Storm and Vigilance like this.
  16. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Posts:
    6,342
    PokéPoints:
    ₽1,463.8
    Whaddup nerds
    It's-a me
    The hero of crime
    xX_memes4lyfe_Xx
    Back for another mindboggling review
    Of one of the best games of all time
    Without further ado
    I present to you
    Best game 2017 award winning game:
    [​IMG]
    Isn't it beautiful?
    But try to hold back your tears for now, because it's only getting better from here.

    Just from that sight alone, it should be clear to see that we're dealing with some extreme expertise here. These game developers really gave it their all with this one.
    So let's check it out alright:

    [​IMG]
    This is some insane stuff right here.
    The gameplay is quite convoluted, and requires full concentration for both your left and right hand. Minor complaint would be that there's not really any alternative control scheme for the unfortunate ones who only have one hand, but whatever, details.

    In this game, you play as Miimo, a small creature who is destined for greatness. As he slowly ascends higher into the sky, the game gets more intense, as a symbol for his inner feelings. This is also beautifully represented by the music, which grows more intense the longer you play. Masterfully done, game!

    [​IMG]
    Your Miimo will eventually grow accustomed to different forms, which increases his overall flexibility in life. Another beautiful metaphor, excellent.

    Of course the plot also gets more interesting as time goes on...
    [​IMG]
    Here, we can see Miimo struggling with his darker side, which he had been repressing until now. However, it's become too much for him, and he has to give in to his true nature of evilness. This is where my heart really broke, and I'm not ashamed to admit I definitely did shed a tear or two.

    [​IMG]
    There's also these piñatas, obviously symbolizing the fact that the good things in life are often hidden away inside a tough case, which you have to break through first. It's a tough challenge, but if you manage to succeed...
    [​IMG]
    ...the amazing rewards will be yours to grab. I can't get over how many amazing metaphors this game throws at you. What an amazing achievement in the history of gaming as a whole.

    [​IMG]
    Finally, if you were still doubting the true beauty of this game, just look at this. Miimo's personality is so deep, there's 90 different aspects of his life that are open for you to explore! Unbelievable.

    All these things combined can only lead me to believe that this truly is the greatest game ever created. Such storytelling is unprecedented in gaming as we know it now, and many game developers would do good to take an example to this huge team of people who created this masterpiece. I wonder how many creators were involved in the process...
    [​IMG]
    IMPOSSIBLE! IT CAN'T BE! JUST TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER CREATED THIS! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE NOW, WORLD PIECE MIGHT STILL BE ACHIEVED ONE DAY!!!

    With all that in mind, my final score for this game will be as follows:

    Probably won't hold your attention for longer than 30 minutes, but otherwise a decent game. 7/10

    Before I leave you, I want to tell you about something that happened to me recently:

    I don't remember the exact time or place, but somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me. They continued, saying that I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. I felt a little insulted, but in my defense she was looking kinda dumb, with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead. I didn't really give it much thought, but as I continued my way home, I realized that the years start coming, and they don't stop coming. All fed to the rules, I decided to hit the ground running. It was at that moment it suddenly hit me: it didn't make sense not to live for fun. My brain might get smart, but my head gets dumb. I started panicking. There was so much to do, and so much to see... I wondered what was wrong with taking the backstreets. As soon as I came home, I started writing this, so I can tell you what advice I have for you. If you ever feel down, or confused, or depressed, just remember: you'll never know if you don't go... you'll never shine, if you don't glow.


    Tnx m8s don't forget to like comment and submarine
     
    #16 Jul 2, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
    ConfettiCat and Vigilance like this.
  17. Vigilance

    Vigilance once here, now gone

    Fletchling
    (Fletchling)
    Level 54
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2017
    Posts:
    5,169
    PokéPoints:
    ₽404.2
    Master BallGold Bottle Cap ★★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★Beast Ball ★★★★Staff of Verity
    @Astralogy I just submarine'd! xD Rawr

    Just wanna let you know you have some broken spoilers in your last spoiler :)

    Amazing review though by the way!
     
    Halcyon Storm likes this.

Share This Page