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Fanfiction Can Someone Critique Me Please?

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by KCkitkat11, Sep 13, 2018.

  1. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    So, I'm working on a new fanfiction that's going to take a loooooooong time to finish. I was hoping someone could let me know what they think of the story so far and if there's anything I can improve upon before I get too deep into it to change anything. I know we aren't allowed to share links on this site, but you can find the story on fanfiction.net under the pen name "Fakemon Master KC" and it's the fic titled "Pokémon: Seven Stories." There's only six chapters up so far, but I'd really appreciate it if people could tell me what they think of it
     
  2. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    To make it easier for you guys to find, and because I've recently been informed that certain links are seen as okay, here's a link to my story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13053421/1/Pokemon-Seven-Stories. I would really appreciate if someone would be willing to critique it for me. I just uploaded the seventh chapter (Technically, it's the eighth, but I say it's the seven because the first chapter is just an easily skippable introduction). Please let me know what you guys think!
     
    Pyrophobic Quilava likes this.
  3. Pyrophobic Quilava

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    I'll see if I have some time during the night alright? =)
     
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  4. Talarc

    Talarc Camper

    Muro
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    I'd be happy to help, but you seem to have me blocked on FFN. This is fine, since I don't mind people blocking me to avoid my reviews, but it does make me feel unable to offer any advice here either. If you change your mind and decide that you do want my input, then please let me know. Otherwise, I wish you good luck with your story!
     
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  5. Negative Zero

    Negative Zero The most positive negative number you know!

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    At first, before getting to your region descriptions, I'm not going to lie, I was like "geez, seven fakemon regions? Probably six of these are going to be bland hot garbage." Completely honestly, I like every one of these regions, I smiled at all of their names, and although the traveling companions are formulaic, I even like what I know of them so far.

    I've only gotten through the first chapter (nominally chapter 2), and it's been a looong time since I've seen the Pokémon anime, but this seems pretty legit so far. I really appreciate how you don't waste my attention as a reader with really minute details of the random bullies and other unnecessary factoids, since that's one of my bigger gripes with most writers. I'll try to keep that tab open and get back to you with more feedback as I progress!
     
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  6. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    Actually, Talarc, I was told by someone else on the site who writes Pokémon fanfiction that you normally use reviews to troll people, so I will not be lifting that block just because I've had bad experiences with people like that in the past.

    And, Negative Zero, I appreciate your help and I'm glad my regions sound interesting to you! Let me know what you think of the rest of the fic if you're willing to keep reading. I could really use the help with any critiques you might have for me, because I really want this fic to be good! Thanks!
     
  7. Talarc

    Talarc Camper

    Muro
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    I'm sorry to hear that you've had trouble with trolls in the past, but I'm afraid that you've been misinformed about me. If I'd wanted to troll you, then there are plenty of ways to get around blocks on FFN. Instead, I respected your block and will continue to do so. My only aim is helping authors improve and, if they aren't interested, then I simply move along and leave them alone.

    I'm not interested in getting you to unblock me - I just want you to have me blocked because you've read my explanations, seen my reviews and decided that they're not for you, not just because you heard some exaggerated and misleading accusations on FFN.
     
  8. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    I decided to lift the block for now since I really want as much help as I can get with this fic. I'll trust that you won't troll me, and I hope that you can give me some quality advice on my fic. Please don't prove me wrong about lifting the block
     
  9. Talarc

    Talarc Camper

    Muro
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    There's a public record of my reviews here, so you can see for yourself what kinds of things I normally comment on when reviewing. If you still feel like this kind of advice is what you're after, then I should have some free time either tomorrow or on Tuesday to read and review your story.
     
  10. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    I don't know. Those reviews strike me as just being really, really nitpicky for no good reason. Also none of it seems to focus on the plot. It's just pointing out small grammatical errors that have no real effect on making the story any better. You can still read my story if you want to, but that's not at all the kind of advice I'm after. Please do not review it if you do decide to read it
     
  11. Talarc

    Talarc Camper

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    That's completely fine and thank you for being clear with me. I'll try to remember your name in case I come across your work in the future, but you might want to re-block me (if you haven't already) for your peace of mind.
     
  12. Negative Zero

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    On the critique, moving forward to nominal Chapter 2, I'm pleased by a sense of nostalgia I'm getting from this. Your story progression seems to be believable for what the Pokémon Anime really is, contrary to a lot of FF I read which has me wondering "there's no way ____ would react that way".

    Other than some tiny grammar/formatting things which are really easy to get past (just small things like using double quotation marks where single might be arguably more appropriate, or using si in Spanish when sí is the way to say "yes"), this is some very good work. I know I'm only in Chapter 2 so far, but have you written much of the other regions apart from Zooks yet?
     
  13. KCkitkat11

    KCkitkat11 PKMN Breeder

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    I have the other regions planned out in terms of Pokémon that inhabit them, Gym Leaders, new gimmicks and mechanics to introduce, certain plots I want to happen, and a few other minor things, but I was actually going to wait to introduce the other regions in the story until I had finished completely writing the first story (i.e. Zooks). And I appreciate the compliment about how it seems a lot more like the anime than other fics! That's really what I was trying to go for in the first place, so it feels good to hear that!
     
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