Celebration Congratulations Wizard on getting a 100!

The human mind is a quaint thing! We are so naturally curious, and often want to know everything about the natural world around us! There is so much to explore and so much knowledge to be gained! It is simply a shame that everything cannot be learned in a single lifetime. Because humans are so inquisitive, we have explored SCIENCE. There have been many scientific studies done over the years, some relevant, some not. Many hypotheses have progressed into theories, some have been debunked. Some theories have mostly been put in the past, some maintain their status. One theory however, stays afloat in this vast, swirling whirlwind of opinions, facts, and insights. The great cupcake theory of Gotham City!

"if I have 3 cupcakes in my left hand and 24 in my right, what is the speed of a train traveling to Gotham if it's raining at a rate of eleventeen cupcakes per minute." (Excerpt from The Cupcake Dilemma by Cleopatra of Arc)

Because Vigilance noted my intellect in passing a college math class with an exemplary score, he decided to THRUST this age-old question at me. Many of the greatest minds in history have attempted this question. Aristotle, Copernicus, Barack Obama, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstein, George Clooney, Louis Armstrong, and George Strait, just to name a few, labored and devoted their lives to the supposed "Cupcake Dilemma". However, I have figured out this dilemma after centuries of personal research and studies. Most of these wonderful people searched down the wrong path, but I followed closely in the footsteps of the Unknown Philosopher (yes, this is a proper noun).

In 1729, the U.P. (whom I will affectionately refer to as Tim for the duration of this article) published a scientific journal called The Gotham Train Dilemma. In this wonderful piece of art, Tim explores whether trains truly travel to Gotham or not. After much research, he discovered that the trains indeed went towards Gotham, but not to Gotham. Many of the finest minds of his day were hesitant to believe it, and waved it off. Tim would not stand for it, however. Tim quit his job as an electrical engineer, filed for bankruptcy, adopted three cats, and ate breakfast as a response. He then wandered the world in search of cupcakes of all kinds, only to die at the hands of an angry baker who felt that Tim was entering a sacred realm of knowledge in which he did not belong. This angry baker went on to have five kids named Abraham Lincoln, Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey, Lovebird, and Cory in the House.

Fast forward to 1859 to another scientist named Alexander the Great (whom will be called Alex). Alex found the journal of Tim and felt compelled to continue his research. She then continued studying the topic, but focusing instead on the cupcake aspect, eventually releasing a book called Raining Cups and Cakes. After fifty years of study, the year 1629 finally arrived. Alex then put two and two together. Just as she was writing the conclusive statement on her study, she mysteriously disappeared. Experts suggest that perhaps she was abducted by aliens.

Now, back to the present. I have spent DECADES of my life studying the works of Tim and Alex, and I have finally found the answer. Vig, you think you're so smug, don't you? I figured out your question! Your claim to fame, your income, everything you stand for is about to crumble before you. It is SO nice to see empires crumble. Many of the worlds notable empires have come to an end. These include Switzerland, Hogwarts, South Sudan, Sweden, and of course, Disney. Next, added to this list, will be Vigilance. That's right! His reign of terror is over! This answer is SO shocking that he will BAN HIMSELF. I can *almost guarantee it. It's amazing to finally see the fall of such an evil force that I can scarcely hold back my laughter! I've done enough stalling and introduction, it is time to deliver the goods to the faithful readers.*ahem* here goes:

3 cupcakes in the left hand and 24 in the right is simple enough. We all know this part can't be true! 3 cupcakes in one hand? Don't be ridiculous! If the original author had kept it to 24 in the right hand, at least that would have been believable. There is a clear flaw here that has been under the noses of the experts for millennia! This aspect of the problem has stumped experts for millions of years! I can't hardly believe that I am the first to come to this conclusion!

Next, the train. What kind of train? People have debated the model of train, but I know the model! It's obviously a 2008 Toyota Corolla painted hot pink! Not a train at all, but quite obvious for those with an intuitive mind. Everybody knows that this type of car only goes 77.729 mph, so that's out of the way. Of course, this gives insight to the driver. It's Daredevil! Blind people make the best drivers, and we know that Daredevil works in Gotham because he is a D.C. hero.

However, if it's raining at eleven cupcakes a minute, then how does that impact the speed? Well, what kind of cupcakes are they? My studies all point towards yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting, a good combination that all need to try. Eleven cupcakes obviously changes the speed of the car from 77.729 mph to 77.7290001 mph. This is common knowledge for smart people.

So, after all of this research, after all of these years of study, research, sweat, blood, tears, memes, murder, kidnapping, and distress... I have found the answer.

Spoiler

.....


Jk, the answer is Potato


This has been a shitposting session from Wizard. I honestly feel sorry for you if you read that.