Depression?

I had depression in the past. It took a few years, but I eventually pulled out of it. It certainly wasn't easy though.

 

Hmm, I don't know if that's what you'd call I had. I felt pretty weird for a while. I'd cry randomly and I didn't really feel motivated to do anything, and I'd get really angry at miniscule things. If that's depression, then yeah, I had that. It took me counseling to get out of it, but I feel a ton better now.

 

I've been depressed in the past, but I wouldn't say I have it currently. I get sad a lot, though. Wouldn't call it exactly depression, as much as really high sensitivity, lmao. For instance, loneliness, lack of sociality, etc.

However, I've dealt/am current dealing with a depressed friend. So I know what it's like.

 

I went into a really deep, dark depression back in '08. It sucked, really bad, but it gets better. Now I help any friends who are depressed by telling them what I do to kinda help with it.

 

I guess I've had it/may still have it? I've never had any severe cases, but I have had periods of time where I've been depressed.

 

I've had a depression before, but it does get better after lots of working things out mentally. I feel like depression can really be helped when you talk about it with someone. I don't know. I guess it might just be me.

 

I'm really not sure. My mother has suffered from severe depression, and according to her, it's hereditary. My older sister suffered from postpartum depression, too.

What I have experienced in my life does indeed sound like textbook depression. I've spent many years of my life (for months at a time, sometimes) feeling very down and out, and like there was really no point in me being alive, that no one cared for me, etc. I have also dropped many of the things I used to be passionate about (including Art & Writing) and still to this day, don't have the motivation to pick them back up for good. It set in the most during the first half of high school, then again after high school ended. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and spent years after high school just kind of sitting around. I lived with my boyfriend and his parents, unable to find a job, unable to figure out what I wanted to do for college. I dropped out of college, and never ended up getting a job. I couldn't even get a job at Jack in the Box or Carl's Jr. I disconnected myself from my parents to avoid their pressure, but I just ended up getting extreme pressure from my boyfriend's parents instead - one time his dad actually gave me a panic attack because he wouldn't leave me alone until I sent in an application for a university (the deadline was that night), even though I told him multiple times I had decided not to. That was a disaster... that was probably the lowest I got, I ended up running out and living miserably with my mom and sisters for a while. That was last November.

Nowadays, I'm feeling much better. My boyfriend and I have our own apartment set up that we're moving into on the 18th, and even though I'm still not quite sure what I want to do with my life, I feel much more positive. I don't feel worthless anymore. I still doubt myself sometimes, but I feel more content with my outlook and direction in life. I think it just took some sort of significant step forward in life - getting an apartment made me feel so accomplished, even though we probably only got it because my boyfriend's parents co-signed with us. I'm still very excited to see what's to come, and what I'm really capable of. I feel like I can conquer anything, especially knowing I have someone by my side who has stuck with me through all my icky "depression", and still loves me more every day.

I have nothing to be super sad about. Everything's fine, and I believe that more now than I ever did.

But I don't regret anything. I've grown so much in the past few years. In terms of depression, my experiences have shown me that I can always manage to dig myself out of any emotional hole I fall into. Even if the darkness comes back to me, I always have a powerful light deep inside that can overcome it.

Even the heaviest rain just means a rainbow is soon to follow.