Heart-breaker?

tbh, only one person has ever asked me out before and at the time I've only seen this guy a couple of times and barely even knew anything about it. He was giving hints that he "wanted" to date with me and I just declined him right then saying that I didn't know enough about him and I wanted to know more before going anywhere with him and later I found out a bunch of stuff that would have made him not suitable to date with anyway so I guess I dodged a bullet there.

 

I've been called cute, attacked, and later hugged for being who I am. I can't love people, and I barely trust enough to get into any form of relationship. Heck, most of the people I'd naturally consider friends aren't friends because I can't trust them 100% of the time. So, for me to accept your love, it's not going to happen unless I know and trust you, and that's not easy to gain. So, I guess this makes me a soft heart-breaker? Or maybe a rough heart-breaker. I wouldn't know. I've only been serious once, and the girl already had a backup in case I failed at doing my duties.

 

Any time someone has confessed to having any kind of feelings for me in the past has made me withdraw completely into myself. I suppose it sounds terrible, but I tend to shut out people who confess to having romantic feelings for me. I've never really been the kind of person who really forms any kind of relationship with others; I have acquaintances, not friends. People who try to take advantage of my generally amicable stance - because not being personally involved with people doesn't mean I have to be a jerk to them; I try to maintain a polite and neutral distance - and force feelings like that onto me...yeah, I just distance myself from them completely.

I suppose it's cold and horrible and it sounds like I'm punishing them, but...well, I never asked for that. I never wanted that. I don't get angry about it, but I need to make it VERY clear that I'm not interested, and for some reason just saying that is NEVER enough for people...or it never was, anyway. Taking "no" for an answer is something a lot of people are not very good at doing unless you scream it at them, and I really don't see the point in doing that, because it's not my problem if people don't understand that no actually is no and I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of an emotional response.

But confessing feelings to me...well, it's equatable to confessing feelings for someone you see on the street and know by sight. People have this crazy idea that they can get to know me, but I am an intensely private person and I don't "open up" over time as it were. There are only two people I would say can make the claim that they know me in any capacity beyond a casual acquaintanceship. What they have feelings for is a fantasy of me that they've built up in their head; it's not ME. How could it be when I've never shared anything of consequence of myself with them? It's a conceit, and I'm done with being a doll for other people.

If politely declining invitations to establish a closer relationship makes me a heartbreaker, I guess that's what I am. I suppose I can be quite cold to people, but that's mostly because I don't want to send them the wrong message...which I have evidently been doing in some fashion if they have any kind of affection for me.

All that aside it wouldn't be appropriate now anyway, because I'm in a relationship and I wouldn't even consider accepting another person's feelings - if by some miracle they could get close enough to me that I wouldn't just withdraw completely from them - as long as I have my partner in my life...and if the day comes that I no longer do, I won't be allowing feelings of that nature into my life again.

Yeah. tl;dr, that's an emotional minefield that I prefer to avoid, and won't let people drag me out onto just because they feel like blowing themselves up and taking someone with them because misery loves company etc.

 

I’ll be honest with you guys: I haven’t been in a relationship before. And I’m honestly not looking to be in one. Most of the people my age don’t even notice me anyway. I’ve always prepared responses in the slight chance someone decides to ask me out. I imagine being the heartbreaker and rudely denying someone but I don’t think I have the bravery to say something sarcastic like “did someone dare you to ask me out” or “I think you’re asking the wrong person”.

 

I'm not a heartbreaker. I've only been asked out once, and I told the guy no bc at the time I was angry with him, and after 4 years of "friendship" and seeing how he treated his last boyfriend, I'm glad I never told him yes. I regret coming back into contact with him, actually.

My one relationship, she technically approached me then ghosted me soon after, so I didn't even have a chance to cause any "trouble" there.

I've tried asking a few people out, but they always think of me as friends, which tbh I don't really have a lot of. This sounds sad and self-deprecating but it's just true and honestly most of the time I don't feel bad about it.

While I would love a relationship, I see how relationships go with my friend, she's a big heartbreaker because she's nice to everyone and will do her best to always be there, and multiple guys will fall in love with her due to thinking her friendliness and eager-to-please attitude means she likes them. It's a whole mess that I'm glad I don't have to be involved in.

 

I've never been asked out.
But I'd likely say no if I was, unless they're ok with the fact that I'm incredibly distant.

 

I haven't been in a relationship before either, but there was this one person. They asked me "are you allowed to date" which was probably their way of trying to hook me in. I declined instantly, because they were a creep who had crushes on half our class and also knew most of their contacts and addresses (they weren't supposed to know those!)

 

I like being asked out, even though it's only happened twice that I vividly remember the sequence of events. One I said yes, the other I said "ooooooookay I guess, then I'm going to super awkwardly turn it into a no in a few days". And I really should have switched those around: given a hard no to the yes and given a "yes, you might be the one, let's turn this into something beautiful" to the okay-I-guess.

I now accept propositions based on if it's a good idea or not as objectively as I can, whenever one may come. I'm kind of anticipating one particular advance sometime soon, but I've already evaluated it in my head and heart so I already know I'm going to give a polite no-but-thank-you if this happens like I anticipate.

Ladies, it's okay to ask a man out. We find it super flattering, not demeaning or whatever else you think we might not like about it.

 

I completely respect your thoughts and feelings here--it's certainly understandable as to why you don't want to dive in head-first and get wrapped up in something you later might regret or be uncomfortable with. Sexuality and romance are very tumultuous roads, and they don't simply go one way all the time--the same is true regarding that not all roads stay the same. To sum that sentiment up: don't feel pressured to conform one way or another to a label unless you think that may be helpful. I find them useful for easy descriptors to others, but otherwise I don't use them in my self-identification. Keep doing you.

 

Oh my, you've all had such different experiences! Whether you're looking for a relationship or not, whether it's with a girl or a boy or someone else entirely, and whether you prefer to ask or be asked, know that I believe that all of you, my dears, are lovely people who deserve all of the happiness in the world! You shall find someone one day, if you haven't already, whether it be a wonderful romantic partner or a friend beyond measure!

I wish you all the best of luck!