How Dorito Wolf Came To Be

Well...I did promise I'd write this, so here it is. The first bit, at least.
*cringes in anticipation*


Doritos.

That is how our tale of legends begins. With Doritos. Good snack food is the basis of everything. Do you think Shakespeare was writing Hamlet on an empty stomach?

And Doritos, the food of the gods, along with barbeque potato chips and strawberry cake, is what starts this fable about how Dusk Lycanroc came to be.

The first thing to do is to calculate how much delicious chemical Dorito flavour is needed to dye Lycanroc orange. Looking at which parts of Dusk’s fur is orange, it’s shaped a bit like a fur rug.

Doritos have an annual revenue of about 4 billion. A large bag of Doritos costs $1. So, how many bags would it take to dye a Lycanroc’s rug-shaped fur permanently orange? Well, it takes about one large bag of Doritos to dye a human finger orange for a long-ish time. Dusk Lycanroc is 2”7 from...shoulder to foot? How do I apply the 2”7?

I assume it’s shoulder to foot. Each leg would have about 20 square inches of dyable fur. Multiplied by four, about 80 square inches. The body from spine to belly is about 12 inches by 24 inches. 288 times 2 (for each side) is 576. Subtracting the already-counted-for leg fur (about 32), we get to 544.

The head, I estimate, is about twenty square inches in area. If the amount it takes for two to three square inches to be dyed is one large bag, then it would take about 217.6 large bags of Dorito dust for the body, and 8 for the head. Seems simple...until we get to fur density.

Wolf fur is dense enough to withstand below -30 temperatures-which is not the point here; the point is that THAT’S A LOT MORE STUFF TO DYE.
Adding in the fur density, you’d have to at least double the amount of Dorito dye needed. And that’s a conservative estimate.

435.2 + 16 = 451.2 is our final answer.


Apart from the little fact about buying over 450 dollars worth of chips and orange flavouring-we can gloss over that-you have to look at the actual amount you would buy. Four hundred and fifty two bags of large Doritos doesn’t sound like much, but have you ever looked at an actual pile of four hundred and fifty two bags of Doritos? It’s a lot.

Nevermind, we’re going back to money again, because have you realized that with four hundred and fifty-two dollars, you could buy a Nintendo Switch, a GameCube, and almost two copies of that Super Mario Rabbids game when it just came out for the Switch? Not including tax, because screw tax right now, we’re talking about Doritos.

Or you could dye your Lycanroc. Your choice.

This is all just to understand how much Dorito dye you would need to make your Lycanroc orange.

~~~~~
Aaand we're out. Part 2 will hopefully come in soon. Review! If you have gotten this far.
#MissingNo

 

Do I have to plz

It's my solemn oath as a Dorito-powered theorist. Of course...there are no studies on drinking Mountain Dew until your eyes turn green. However, there are several documented cases of your face turning green after consuming several bottles of it. I have been privy to such an experiment before.
#MissingNo