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Life Advice Topic

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Reckless, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. Reckless

    Reckless Won't take the easy road

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    Need help with a personal problem, a tough time you're going through? Then post in the Life Advice thread now! Here are some rules:

    But first, please adhere to the following rules....

    Don't double/triple/continually post
    If possible, please avoid posting more than once. If you wish to add something to the thread, but you've already posted and no-one has posted since we would advise you to make use of the edit button. If you made a double or triple post then please Magaeonia or ★OfficialRedG★ and we'll gladly remove it.

    Restrict posting spam to the Spambox subsection
    Want to profess your love for apples? Feel the need to repeat the same word over and over again? Well, please confine said instances of 'unwanted' posts to the spam section, which is a kind of melting pot for that behaviour.

    To clarify, any post that contains less than 10 words or simply consists of "I like pie" will be considered spam and thus removed. If you come across spam, or off-topic posts, please help us out by reporting the spam post.

    Do not post "Joke" posts, only ask for serious real life advice or support
    This section is only for those seeking suitable, proposed direction on certain everyday, personal matters. Posts that veer more in the line of "Should I buy this game instead of that one" are discouraged. Some examples of accepted posts in this section include questions about college, dating, looking after pets and the like. As long as a realistic answer can be put forward for your publicised issue, it should be allowed. As ever, if you notice that someone has made a 'pointless' post please help Magaeonia or ★OfficialRedG★ out by reporting it.

    Don't ask for video game advice
    This is again in relation to the previously mentioned rule. If you wish to ask for video game advice then please post a topic using the game's title in the relevant gaming subsection or in the spam section.

    Be respectful and considerate of others
    In the event that the subject matter of some topics posted by members within this section gets a touch hot and heavy, possibly even distressing for some forum members we urge you to avoid passing remarks such as "Get over yourself" and other, unruly comments. If you can't respect the various degrees of turmoil in which some of your fellow forum members may be experiencing, then avoid posting here altogether.

    Anyone caught posting defamatory opinions will be dealt with as appropriate. Again, if you find that someone is not being nice, please help us out by reporting the unsavory post.

    Do not post an issue that requires the well-learned knowledge of a qualified medical practitioner
    Whilst we will strive to help you with your issues to the best of our abilities, we would like to ask you to avoid posting about injuries sustained or possible health and mental issues. This rule is being enforced to prevent incorrect information being given to other members, and we would encourage those afflicted with possible health or mental issues to seek out medical advice or another service appropriate to their needs immediately.

    Adhere to Lake Valor's general rules, don't flame
    LV's general rules can be found here. Like usual, spamming and flaming is also not tolerated. We strive to be a homely community here, moreso in this section where members get to know one another and so whilst swearing is permitted, we'd advise you to keep it to a minimum. Treat other posters as you would like to be treated.

    As always, again, if you notice someone getting out of hand, please help out by reporting it. Thank-you.

    If you are unsure about something, please contact Magaeonia or ★OfficialRedG★
     
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  2. PixelPaintbrush

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    I've been constantly in a dilema here, I love art and music and am doing both...but my classes make me feel like I just want to quit the music...I love it but it's sucking the life out of me. I'm not depressed, I'm rather happy. I'm just wondering why it's all going on. Is there something wrong with me? or am I just over worked?
     
  3. Spiffy Stache

    Spiffy Stache Bug Catcher

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    Music can be a hard passion to stick with especially if your classes are demanding a lot of practice. Sometimes music is best left as a fun hobby and a fun passion rather than a time consuming and often unstable profession.
     
  4. YouHoney

    YouHoney Snow wanderer

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    I just found out, that my girlfrienf cheated me. A week ago when i was out of town. Not only that, she did it with one of my closest friend.

    We have been together for four months. Im 18 and she is 16 (legal in Finland). I really like her... but... i don't think i can trust her anymore...

    Anyways. I wanted to get this out of my chest. If you have advice. Please. Help me find an awnser to this. I cant.

    Thank you.
     
  5. Pixil

    Pixil Pokémon Professor

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    Oh dear, I'm very sorry to hear about that.

    I just want you to know that it is in no way an indication of you as a person; it isn't your fault. A common feeling when people get cheated on is that they somehow weren't good enough, or they did bad in some way. But the fact of the matter is she simply wasn't feeling it, so she tried to mend it in a very very poor way.

    It's completely normal and not a bad thing to feel like you need something more than your relationship offers, but that's when you either talk it out with your partner and figure a solution, or end it. Cheating while still in the relationship, then proceeding to hide it from you and keep the relationship going, simply shows she cares about her own desires more than your feelings. That's what I think, at least.

    It must be really rough, especially since it involved your best friend, ugh I really feel for you. But try to surround yourself by other positive and unrelated friends. If anything, we at Lake Valor are here for you if you need us. ♥ I find forums are a great way to remind myself that I'm not actually alone and plenty of people really do care about me, heh, and that life always goes on no matter what. c:

    I hope you feel better about all this soon. I know my words are only words, but, I hope this still helped, even if just a little bit.
     
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  6. Xarn

    Xarn Sponsor

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    I don't know what to tell you. I was a cheater, I can tell you that some guys are the worst boyfriends ever and that is why their girls leave them, because this girls suffer to much things. But some girls don't know what kind of man they have, they don't deserve a good guy, but, they have one. Some girls cheat their boyfriend searching for an "adventure" or more "emotion" and that is the more stupid thing that I ever heard because they have the possibility of leave their boyfriends, but they prefer to do it in their backs gaining the possibility of return with their pet (It is cruel, but it is the reality). So don't worry, you are a good man you will find the girl that you deserve, not a cheater. I repeat, I was a cheater but now I founded the love or something like that, it is not formal but...well just I wish you luck.
    Yes, I have 18 years old too, I am not an expert, but I know some things
     
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  7. Ryan

    Ryan lasagna bad

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    I'll be somewhat blunt. It's clear that you care very much about her, but she violated your trust and the relationship you two shared. Continuing the relationship at this point will only lead to more suffering for you down the road. You can't trust someone who cheated on you not to do it again, and honestly, the chances are higher that she will cheat again than she won't. It may seem harsh but the best thing to do at this point is break it off, I think. You deserve better than her. I can't speak in absolutes; however, I know that someone who cheats is very likely to cheat again. You'll find someone better, I promise.
     
  8. YouHoney

    YouHoney Snow wanderer

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    @[member="Pixil"]
    @[member="Satix"]
    @[member="Darkest Ninja"]

    I am grateful for your thoughts and support.
    You mentioned alot of things that i agree with. So. I have come to conclusion. I will talk to her and ask that we break up. Even though i respect her courage to come and say it to me directly, i cant do it.
    Satix is right. Continuing this is going to hurt more.

    I will endure this. I will grow stronger. Find someone else to love and move on.

    Thank you, wish me luck.
     
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  9. Ryan

    Ryan lasagna bad

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    It takes a lot of courage to break up, as well. Best of luck to you, and I wish you the best! You'll find someone better. :)
     
  10. Sheep

    Sheep Supporter

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    Oh no, I'm so so sorry. There are some people out there that cheat because they're unhappy in their current situation but the proper thing to do in such a scenario is to discuss whether or not you want to proceed with the relationship rather than cheat outright.. it's always very painful to have to experience something like that. But you obviously cared a lot about her so it most definitely isn't your fault.

    Either way, life will go on and you'll definitely find happiness in due time. :) I can understand how difficult it would be to break up with someone myself - my ex broke up with me many years ago and I couldn't eat or sleep for days. Wasn't even sure how I'd get through it all since I was such a sensitive person at the time but remember that you're not alone and we'll always be here to lend you a hand. Good luck with everything!
     
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  11. sammiimariie

    sammiimariie Bug Catcher

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    I'm so sorry, friend.

    Some people just have issues with commitment and loyalty. That's one thing I'll never understand. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I have my fiance..

    But I'm very sure that you'll pull through! Everything will get better and you will find that one person that you can trust your whole being with and spend the rest of your life with. <3
     
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  12. YouHoney

    YouHoney Snow wanderer

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    So... I wanted to make post about my current situation. As some of you know... I got cheated on. Yup felt shitty. Now that so time has passed... i think i can give some advice, for anyone who goes through this.

    I will be doing this in form of DABDA: the model of greif. This model depicts five feelings a person goes though in a moment where they lose something very dear. The stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, hence DABDA.

    Denial. When she told me what happened. I laughed. Said "You are kidding right?". It didn't register. I felt she was joking. I thought same as i was walking home. I tried to get my mind around it. In the next morning i did everything as usual. But. We used to send eachother "Good morning ♥" when we woke up. This time it did not happen. I felt an odd feeling. Like. Disgust. Discomfort. Anger...

    Anger. I enraged. Whole day at school i just tried not to talk to anyone, in fear that i might get angry to them. I was sweting and it was hot. On my way home i took a route which was almost deserted. Then it came out. Rage, anger and fury. I felt like i could kill the guy who cheated me with her. I sweared and said things, that would get me to mental hospital. Then i collapsed. I didin't have the energy anymore and i went home. Next week i was in bad mood. Being mean and pissed off. I was furious. One point it felt like falling into insanity. After my numerous mental breakdowns i realised it did not help. And thus i entered the third stage.

    Bargaining. I started thinking to way to solve this. A way to get my trust for her. I tried. And tried. But my mind told me to not pursuit for her anymore. My heart disagreed. It was conflict. But it resolved. I came to conclusion that its in the past. I could forgive her, but my trust for her was long gone. When i said this to her, she cried, we hugged and i left. With a salty river, running on my cheekcs. The fourth stage started.

    Depression. At the time im writing this, im over coming this stage. I am down. Haven't really talked to anyone in person. I had just enough energy to go to gym and school thats all. I am a mess. First time in my life i fell really down. But. Im rising. Im starting to get to fifth stage.

    Acceptance. I need to let her go fully for this to happen. Its hard, but the river of time will do it for me.

    I lost three things that day. My happyness, my trust and my love. I lost them. But from these scars i shall become stronger. Better.

    I didn't get the treasure. But at least i levelled up. And i still have love to share.

    Thank you Lake Valors community for helping me in this rugged road. Thank you. T_T ♥♥♥♥
     
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  13. Steamlined

    Steamlined Jack of all trades

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    Title says it all. I've been feeling really down lately, and I have nobody to talk to. I only have a handful of IRL friends, none of which I trust a huge amount, and no more close friends over the internet.

    I'd rather a well-respected / well-known member to talk to, since I'd know they're more trustworthy than someone with only a handful of posts. But beggars can't be choosers.

    Thanks to anyone who replies. PM me if you'd prefer that.
     
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  14. Hraesvelgr

    Hraesvelgr Snek in Your Boot

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    @[member="Steamlined"]

    If you need someone to talk to or just unload stuff on before it becomes too much I'm willing to listen.
     
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  15. DracoFeathers

    DracoFeathers D to the R to the A C O!

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    I can't recall if we've exchanged Skype names or not. If so though, feel free to contact me through there or here. It does help to vent sometimes.

    If we haven't, mine's the same as it is here (when you type in the name, look for: Dråçønis). Or if you don't even have Skype you can just PM me anytime as well and I'll reply ASAP 83.
     
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  16. ShiroLugia

    ShiroLugia ✂ No Longer Human.

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    Hey everyone, Aqua here. I know this may not be something you all might have expected from me but, I need to get something off my chest. This is a problem I've had for countless years, more than I can remember that stems back to childhood trauma. I've tried and tried, but the feeling never fully goes away. It just disappears for a while and then remanifests itself.

    So what I'm asking is, how do you deal with self confidence issues? How do I become not so hard on myself? Do I annoy people as much as I think?

    I always feel I'm getting in the way, and when I run into a problem I panic and my emotions and thoughts go in circles until I end up putting myself in a pit. Art appears to be my only outlet for these feelings, and I get very happy when people like it even if I deny it. But there's only so much art I can make at once, and how long until it stops pleasing people?

    I'm sorry if I'm always bothering anyone or it seems like I can't do anything right... I'm always making mistakes and I always feel like I owe something.

    I know no average person can help me but I'll take whatever helps. I love Lake Valor and all its done for me, if anything it has helped supress that stressful feeling more than ever before. So what can I do? Is there anything that can be done...? I'm not always a bother am I? I feel like I'm causing problems just talking about it, or asking..

    Thank you everyone here, who's there for me though. I'm sorry I'm always causing you trouble.
     
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  17. DIO

    DIO KONO DIO DA!

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    Aqua, I want you to do something for me and look at this.

    [​IMG]

    This picture made me laugh. So hard. For a long time. And it still does.

    This is something you should take pride in, your ability to make people laugh, to bring them joy. Aqua, I don't know you that well, but I know for a fact that you're a beautiful person, bringing people laughter and happiness. You never fail to make me laugh, and honestly, seeing your shoutbox insanity is refreshing. You're not an annoyance, you're such a valued and esteemed member of the site. Look at you, you're a Moderator, and I know you're one of the best recruiters the site has. That's not something you obtain by being an annoyance! You've worked hard to be an asset to this site, and you certainly deserve it. :)

    I don't know how exactly to deal with personal self-confidence issues very well, especially since I struggle with them myself. But if there's one thing I've learned from my own issues, it's that you can't let them keep you down. They only have power over you if you let them. Yes, there may be times where they get you down. But. If you refuse to let it keep you down, then you've just come out stronger than you were before. I know that might sound like a cat poster cliched, but it's true.

    So stand tall, Aqua! Feel pride in everything you do and accomplish! You're worth so much to us, we know you can do it. :)
     
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  18. ShiroLugia

    ShiroLugia ✂ No Longer Human.

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    To be honest, I've really only recruited about 10 people total due to my social anxiety problems, haha, if anyone is an amazing recruiter its Ben! I had to think about this a lot... Thank you Gengar really, things just get difficult sometimes. You see, every time someone is kind to me I want to repay it, I want to do so much for everyone. So much I'm incapable of. I want to give everyone so much, this speaks for my friends here and all of staff. I want to draw so much for you all because you all help me so much...I feel as though I never repay it and I just end up causing trouble.

    It was very difficult for me to even post this topic because I seemed to always be so upbeat throughout the community, I didn't want to taint that image and appear more annoying. I thank you for bringing up those points, haha, I really need to try to be more positive somehow. I guess it'll take a bit but maybe I'll get stronger if I keep going. Anyways, I'm sorry everyone, for always overthinking things. And thank you for that comment Gengar, it really helps to remind me that there are others there. I'll try not to trouble you all too much..

    I'm sorry again, and thank you. I'll just keep trying somehow.

    (I'm surprised anyone can still find that picture! haha..)
     
  19. Synthesia

    Synthesia Bird Keeper

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    Thinking about yourself small and a problem doesn't help from everything, and its not a positive or even a ideal idea.
    Then, you dont want to fear it, even think that its not true, but to overcome the fear that you are facing.
    So, you asked, how to deal with self confidence issues, and its complex, but at the same time simple.
    Here are some ideas (steps) to overcome self-confidence. This includes how do I not become so hard on myself.
    Try to not think negative things about yourself.
    View mistakes, fix it and think like they are learning opportunities.
    Try new things and recognize what you can change and what you cannot.
    Take pride in your statments and state it with thinking about it.
    Exercise for less stress and most importantly-have fun!
    The 2nd question is, do I annoy people as much as I think?
    Everybody has diffrent abilities and personality, and it differs in every person.
    I don't think you are a much of a distraction, but if you think like that, its better to fix those problems
    and start a new way to be more of a non-annoying(?) person.
    Maybe sometimes thinking about these look like a problem, but a problem can cause more.
    So, improve yourself, and be a good guy okay?
    Fix it to #sorry not sorry lol
    Phew.... Welp. Gotta be going.
     
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  20. Steamlined

    Steamlined Jack of all trades

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    I don't know you much... But I know how you feel. I've been through rough days lately.

    There isn't really an easy answer for how to have more self-confidence, or how to not be so hard on yourself. It's just something you have to do yourself. Accept yourself! I mean, I haven't seen you around much, but when I have things have always been lively, not to mention you're a brilliant artist - Better than a great deal of other people I've seen!

    And there is no way in hell that you're annoying! From what I've seen, everyone here likes you! I mean, I sure do. From what I've seen you're really kind, and not to mention funny.

    As I said, I might not know you, but I thought I'd put my own little piece of help here, since, I too recently posted in the Life Advice forum, and the response was amazing. I hope it is for you too.

    If you want someone to talk to, then I'll happily listen. Feel free to message me if you want. c:

    Otherwise, I hope this post helped you, and I hope you feel better soon - Emotional pain is the worst kind of pain, in my experience.
     
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