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Lights Out

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Pixel, Jun 18, 2015.

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  1. Pixel

    Pixel Aether Child

    Level 16
    Nov 16, 2014
    Ice Stone ★★★★Lucarionite ★★★★Dawn Stone ★★★★Decidium Z ★★★★★Galladite ★★★★
    A piece of writing I wrote for a school assignment, which turned out much better than I thought, so I'm putting here for your reading pleasure!
    Please give any feedback that you wish to, positive or negative! (DW, I won't get mad and stab you with a pencil)
    Warning: Contains a dead person.
    Note to other Staff Members: [member='Gengar's Grin'] has given the green light into posting this.


    I sat in a corner of the ballroom, watching the other nobles dance and drink with much joy. Since I was only 11, I wasn't allowed to court women, and the consumption of alcohol was forbidden until one turns 18, which I was not. The castle maid stood next to me, glancing over at me as if there was a planned attack against me. Sometimes I'd glance over to her and notice she wasn't looking, but her eyes would dart in my direction and I'd dart mine back to the dance floor. For a party, this wasn't exactly fun. Especially since this party was held in my honour.

    You see, I am the prince of this kingdom, and today was my birthday. It was the same every year. My parents, the king and queen, would hold a ball in my honour, and I was forced to attend but prohibited to partake in the festivities. I asked Mother and Father multiple times why such rules were in place, but there reply was always the same.

    "You're too young, my prince. We are well aware that the ball is in your honour, but you cannot partake in any of the drinking or dancing. You are too young to court, and although we do wish for you to have a queen, you are too young to be courted. It is as simple as that."

    So I sat there, in the corner of the ballroom. My parents wished for me to sit where everyone could see me, but I refused, and argued that if I am not to partake in the festivities, I wish not to be noticeable. Many nobles did come past to congratulate me on the celebration, but I scoffed and turned away, the maid needing to explain my attitude.

    After 3 hours of gloomily watching the festivities, an announcement was made that the party was officially over, but any patrons who wished to could continue dancing and drinking. I saw this as my chance. Using my incredible wits, I managed to convince the maid to let me walk around a bit by calling over the head servant and ordering him to give her a drink. She was instantly overcome by the effects of the alcoholic beverage, and I was able to manipulate her into letting me roam free.

    I walked around, making sure to steer clear of anyone with major connections to my father, and any of the guards. Unfortunately the dance floor was crawling with them, so I decided to explore the second floor. Most of the guest room doors were locked with the lights either off or very dim, and moaning sounds could be heard from them, even over the volume of the music. I shuddered at the knowledge of what whoever was in there was doing. But there was one room with no lighting and the door slightly opened. Being curious, I opened it a crack and let myself in.

    Right there, in the middle of the bed, was a person. He was lying there, unmoving. As I closed the door, I could smell a strong, metallic scent in the air. I walked over to the bed, using my hands to find my way. As I touched the bed, I felt a slightly warm but wet substance on it, and pulled my hands away. As I continued navigating the dark room, I found myself at a bedside table. There, the standard castle candelabra stood on it, unlit, and from rummaging through the drawers, I found a box of matches. As I lit the candles of the candelabra, their light illuminated my surroundings, the shock of which made my eyes widen in horror.

    The person, a man, had a knife through his neck, and the blood from the wound had covered most of the quilt. The crimson liquid had also fallen to the floor. I looked at my hands, now realising what I had touched was this man's blood. But I wasn't fazed in the slightest. In fact, this intrigued me quite a bit. To think, someone had been murdered at my birthday celebration! The thought made me giddy with excitement. I studied the body a little more. Sharp jaw line, round but lifeless eyes, utterly defined cheekbones. This man was definitely attractive, and it was hard to imagine him as a murder target. I approached the body apprehensively, in attempt to remove the knife, but I could hear someone approaching the door.

    I quickly dashed to the adjoining bathroom, but in my haste, I had forgotten to blow out the candelabra. I considered going back, but I could hear the door opening, so I stayed put. Who could this person be? A servant, a pair of people who had consumed too much alcohol, a guard, the next victim, the murderer; the list was endless! I could hear them walking in and closing the door, indicating they wish to have privacy. I could see shadows coming from under the door, so I knelt down onto the floor and tried my best to determine the location of this person.

    They first went to the bedside table, most likely to examine the candelabra. It didn't occur to me until a few moments later that they hadn't given the dead body so much as a glance, indicating that this visitor was, in fact, the murderer. I gasped but covered my mouth as I realised that the bathroom tiles were excellent echo creators, which amplified the volume of my gasp to quite some extent. I could hear the footsteps approaching the door, and I held my breath in anticipation.

    When the light finally seeped through the door, I was shocked to discover the identity of the murderer. It wasn't some crazed, barbaric man like I had imagined, but a young maiden. She was wearing a pale blue dress, which she was holding above the ground in attempt not to get blood stains on it. Her shoes, however, told another story. Although I knew she was a killer, her presence seemed to soothe the atmosphere. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. Then she held out her hand, offering to help me up. I refused, and helped myself up.

    She looked at my hands, and pointed to the basin that was now illuminated by the candelabra's light from the adjacent room. I nodded, and thoroughly washed the now dried blood from my palms and fingers. Once that was done, the maiden offered to lift me out of the room. I refused, but the anxiety of not knowing who the murder was had made me uneasy, and my legs felt shaky as soon as I tried to walk anywhere. She offered once again, and I accepted.

    As we walked out of the now dark room, the maiden making sure she had closed the door this time, I studied this woman holding me. She was older than me, somewhere in her mid 20's. She had amber hair that reminded me of sunsets, and her big blue eyes were filled with happiness. Her figure was slim, but she definitely had cleavage, which was easily spotted with her discreetly revealing attire. I assumed this was her method of luring the man into that room to murder him, which is when I remembered what she had done. But for some reason, I didn't feel unsafe in her arms.

    When we reached the bottom of the stairs, three guards rushed over to us. The maiden calmly explained that she was simply wandering about the second floor and she found the prince, so she was returning him. The guards sighed in relief, and attempted to take me away from her. I refused, clinging to the maiden to show that I didn't wish to be taken. The guards quickly gave up, and the maiden walked me over to my seat. Then the head servant came with a tray of glasses which contained water. The maiden picked two up and handed one to me, before grabbing a nearby chair and placing it next to mine.

    We had a long discussion, where I found out that she was an assassin from a neighbouring kingdom that was sent to kill that man, a noble from another neighbouring kingdom. I told her about myself, and why I was in the room with the man. The air around us became really awkward after a bit, but she lightened it by telling me some jokes, which I found hilarious. This was great! It was the first time I had actually enjoyed myself at one of these stupid balls, and this lady was the first friend I had ever made.

    Soon enough, it was time for me to retire to my quarters. As Mother came to collect me, I got off the chair and gave a big hug to the maiden, to which she blushed deeply. We said our farewells, and she promised to visit me sometime soon, to which I happily agreed.

    This was, by far, the most interesting birthday ball I had ever attended.
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Eclipse

    Level 82
    Apr 3, 2015
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    That was a very interesting twist that I confess I was not expecting at all - and I liked that quite a bit. I noticed two small spelling mistakes, so I'll point those out very briefly and move to a review.



    They are quite small, enough so that it did not dampen the reading experience whatsoever. Now, for my own thoughts.

    I do confess that to see an original work such as this does intrigue me greatly, and to see a different writing style is also a fresh new experience. (Royal blood and assassins, they always seem to cross paths.) Noticing some of the anomalies in the personalities of the characters is interesting as well - for example, the king and queen holding a birthday party for everyone else except its intended recipient. I found it strange...though that is the intended effect, as royalty has been known to be...eccentric.

    What surprised me more, however, was the assassin's reaction to the prince. She seemed oddly calm, and not surprised in the slightest to see the prince there. Normally I would think that she would be rather concerned or even panicky to have been discovered, as the prince had unintentionally become a material witness - I was expecting the prince to be snuffed out as well (though not necessarily by death)! I suppose that can be chalked up to self-confidence that the prince was in no state to complain or didn't want to complain, but I'm not sure how the assassin would have known that. Body language, perhaps? In any case I can find no explanation for such - but maybe I'm not thinking in the right patterns.

    I have no complaints or improvements that truly need to be made to this piece of work, and I commend you for your artistic writing ability!
    Pixel likes this.
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