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Original Fiction: Abigail

Discussion in 'Creative Zone' started by LostSpirit, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. LostSpirit

    Odd-ish
    (Oddish (J))
    Level 21
    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2014
    Posts:
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    PokéPoints:
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    Note before reading: This story is purely something I will only continue in my spare time. Feedback is greatly appreciated, especially if you want to see this story completed. The chapters will be relatively short as I am still experimenting with different writing styles. This story may go uncompleted if I am no longer motivated to keep writing. Thank you for your understanding.



    Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
    The minutes kept counting.
    Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
    Then, it seemed as if time had come to a standstill.



    Chapter 1:
    Beep! Beep! Beep!
    My eyes flickered open and I took a deep breath. Time to get up. I automatically and bluntly smashed the off button on the blaring alarm and laid still in my bed. Get up. Ugh. Screw it, I want to sleep.
    However, I couldn't. My eyes would not close. I remained still.Counting the minutes to seconds from the moment I was born. 16 years, 251 days, 10 hours, 4 seconds. 5 seconds. 6 seconds. It kept going on like that.
    Counting, counting, counting. This is what my life has become. A boring, unimportant timebomb where I'm just waiting for my death. Let's see how far it can take my life to finally stop.
    Oh what fun my existence has been. Laying here as the birds chirp in the trees, the dogs bark for their food, the cars bustling to get to work.

    What was the point? Why am I here? What should I be doing?
    No answers would come. I've been waiting plenty long for one.

    16 years, 251 days, 13 hours, 34 seconds.
    I finally get out of bed, get changed, and head out the door into this blistering hell of a world. It's the year 2045. The world has changed from the time my grandma was around. We have flying cars, wildlife surrounding the outskirts of the city, buildings taller than the eye can see. Oh and the plague. That's right. The plague.

    Disease manifests in the most unexpected places, but the government tries to keep it under control. However, half the population are in medical facilities under the city. The city in the sky, Pneupolis, where the air is so clean, you would die from your own corruption.

    Either way, I journeyed to the marketplace. There, students like myself buy pluginbooks (information that are transferred into our minds without physically reading or writing, but is our education) and artificial goods to take back to our homes. That's when I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

    16 years, 251 days, 14 hours, 39 seconds.
    My heart starts racing for the first time. I hear a voice.
    "Darkness."
     
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    Halcyon Storm and 8542Madness like this.
  2. EverchangingArcadia

    Joined:
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    It is relatively interesting. The concept itself is not seen commonly. I see what you are trying to do in the story, and it is a rather good read. There is sentence variety here and there, but the short amount of information given doesn't seem to make it better. I might have some understandings (or ideas of my own either true or not) that might make the story more fleshed out, but this work is entirely yours.

    Overall, it's a good read. If you do decide to continue posting, I'll be sure to come by. Good job, it'll need a little work but as I say about everything, overtime it will get tremendously better.
     
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