Roasting Every Pokémon from 001 Onwards

Name says it all list as many pokémon as you can using a similar list format to mine and roast them. Although there's no need to pull punches, keep the roasts strictly towards the pokémon in question and not towards any bystanders or such. Also, be sure to use spoiler tags, just so it's easier to scroll down. You can roast the pokémon you choose either alphabetically or numerically (although it's more ideal to do it numerically, since the name of the game is to roast as many pokémon as possible), and you can roast in any order you like.

I shall now give an example:

• 
  
  Spoiler: It's a bit of a long list

  [*]004 -Charmander: The words Pewter and Cerulean are just enough to spark some PTSD flashbacks.
  [*]006 - Charizard: Stealth Rocks to you are like stepping on a (4x4) red Lego brick bare-footed.
  [*]009 - Blastoise: Every time a mega stone is used on you, I sigh in relief knowing I could've faced something more threatening.
  [*]010 - Caterpie: Even among the pre-evolved, starting bug types, you're the least threatening of them all.
  [*]011 - Metapod: I'd roast you, but the 'Challenge of the Samurai' episode done it for me.
  [*]012 - Butterfree: You now know what it feels like being the inferior rival ever since Beedrill could mega-evolve (EDIT: No the dynamax form doesn't count since it can only be used in certain situations and is often banned in competitive formats).
  [*]014 - Kakuna: You're just an angry, yellow Metapod, that's it.
  [*]019 - Rattata: So you're a FEAR Rattata then? Hold on, let me get my ghost type real quick.
  [*]025 - Pikachu: You're the biggest attention whore I know, and that extends to real life. No kidding.
  [*]026 - Raichu: You're the Luigi of the Pokémon franchise, always getting overshadowed by somebody inferior to you.
  [*]046 - Paras: Imagine having to get yourself killed by the parasites attached to your body just to reach your maximum potential and having said potential be garbage tier
  [*]047 - Parasect: I'm pretty sure you're the reason bug types lost their weakness to poison, because if they didn't, you'd have three x4 weaknesses. Not that it matters much when you're (as mentioned above) garbage tier.
  [*]063 - Abra: You're not as difficult to catch as you think, especially now that quick balls exist.
  [*]065 - Alakazam: Two words: Sucker Punch.
  [*]066 - Machop: your DP sprite looks like you're arm-farting, and your BW/PT sprites remind me of this.
  [*]083 - Farfetch'd: Oh hi Farfetch'd, I almost forgot to put you on the list. Similar to how Game Freak keeps forgetting to give you an evolution. Oh... I see you've got a Galarian evolution now. Welp, my point still stands for all non-Galarian Farfetch'd.
  [*]087 - Dewgong: If I said Sheer Cold was the only reason you're the tiniest bit threatening, you'd somehow take that as a compliment.
  [*]092 - Gastly: You're a dead fart.
  [*]093 - Haunter: You're a dead fart with hands.
  [*]094 - Gengar: Having limbs and a body still makes you a dead fart. And like Alakazam you also hate Sucker Punchers.
  [*]095 - Onix: I could kill you with my garden hose. No kidding.
  [*]097 - Hypno: Congratulations, you're the first (and so far, only) pokémon to be on the FBI watch list.
  [*]100 - Voltorb: Your unoriginality is only rivalled by your desire to commit suicide (i.e use Explosion/Self-Destruct)
  [*]101 - Electrode: Same as above, but only more so.
  [*]104 - Cubone: I bred your evolution with a Ditto. Turns out that not only was the Cubone born with the skull attached, both parents are still alive. So... somebody's been begging for some sympathy points.
  [*]113 - Chansey: Not even eviolite can safe you from Close Combat.
  [*]115 - Kangaskhan: Your nerfs have lowered your coolness by 25%. Also, rocky helmet Therrothorn.
  [*]123 - Scyther: Ever since Big Brother Scizor came along, you only exceed in LC, picking off the Weenie-Hutt Jr's of competitive play without seeing the irony.
  [*]124 - Jynx: When a creative concept meets a terrible design.
  [*]126 - Magmar: Your forehead looks like a pair of butt cheeks, it doesn't help that your Japanese name is Boober.
  [*]128 - Tauros: Well if it isn't the old rust bucket himself! Gen 1 was your prime, but ever since time skipped ahead, you've aged worse than skimmed milk, something that you useless bulls can't even produce.
  [*]129 - Magikarp: ...What? You think I have a death wish?! I ain't dissing Magikarp.
  [*]130 - Gyarados: The real reason this pokémon hasn't destroyed civilisation is because people keep throwing toasters in the Lake of Rage.
  [*]132 - Ditto: Your eyes in the Detective Pikachu movie are the most disturbing thing I've seen in the franchise; even more so than Zombie Psyduck and sliced-up Arbok. Also, you're the series's sex slave.
  [*]136 - Flareon: Jolteon, Vaporeon, Espeon and Umbreon have at least been OU once in their lifetime, but you've been stuck in NU since Gen 2.
  [*]143 - Snorlax: Two words: Close Combat.
  [*]144 - Articuno: And I thought Charizard was Stealth Rock's bitch.
  [*]146 - Moltres: Your tournament legality is the only reason people choose you over Ho-Oh.
  [*]149 - Dragonite: How is it that even though you're a gen 1 dragon-typed psuedo legendary, you've given no special treatment over the years outside of a hidden ability? My two cents? You're practically invisible compared to the likes of charizard and salamence
  [*]150 - Mewtwo: How does it feel not being the strongest pokémon anymore now that Mega-Rayqua-qua exists?
  [*]151 - Mew: Heesh, four-slot syndrome struck you worse than depression.
  [*]172 - Pichu: I'd say 'stop hurting youself' over and over, but your Smash Bros nerfs hurt you more than anything else ever could.
  [*]186 - Politoed: An awful lot of you have become homeless and/or abandoned now that Weather Wars is over. Talk about being a true veteran.
  [*]195 - Quagsire: Unaware and Water Absorb are the only reasons you'd ever be chosen over Swampert.
  [*]199 - Slowking: So... While Slowbro gets a mega and a galarian form, you get nothing? And I thought Raichu was the neglected child. Oh, so now you have a Galarian form? Took you long along enough!
  [*]201 - Unown: Alphabet soup is a bigger threat than you.
  [*]202 - Wobbuffet: Yeah you're OP AF, but all the dark-ghost types are laughing at the fact that you can't do anything to hurt them.
  [*]208 - Steelix: Hey, atleast your size compensates for your trash-tier special defence and HP. Oh look, here comes a Water Pulse!
  [*]219 - Magcargo: Sure, you may be twice as hot as the surface of the sun, but a llama could spit on you and that'd be enough to OHKO you.
  [*]224 - Octillery: When the beta-design looks cooler than the actual design.
  [*]235 - Smeargle: A pokémon that can learn nearly every move in existence? I've never seen so much versatility and potential befo-- *enemy uses Mach Punch* Oh now it's dead...
  [*]241 - Miltank: Y'know, if people bothered to pick Chikorita/Meganium and made sure it was female, they could beat you on their first try. I did, and I was a n00b back then.
  [*]242 - Blissey: All it takes is an eviolite for your pre-evolution to outclass you. Also, Close Combat.
  [*]251 Celebi - I have a hard time remembering you're a legendary. Not because of your 7 weaknesses, but in every movie I've seen you in, you've always been a damsel in distress. Oh, boohoo, you get captured and abused by [insert generic villain].For Arceus's sake! Fight back!
  [*]289 - Slaking: One word: Protect.
  [*]292 - Shedinja: Remember when I said Articuno was Stealth Rock's bitch? Scratch that; not only are you Stealth Rock's bitch, but you're the bitch of Spikes, Toxic, Sandstorm, Hail - Basically nearly every indirect damaging move in existence -.
  [*]320 - Wailmer: The washed-up corpses of your species have more usage in day-to-day life than you or your evolution have in competitive play.
  [*]321 - Wailord: No Wimp Blimp, size doesn't matter when you're stuck below PU tier.
  [*]352 - Kecleon: While an MD Kecleon is a shoplifter's nightmare (and rightfully so), main game leons are burdened by the fact that they're either a poor man's Greninja or a sucky ass pokémon whose ability gets turned against him for lols. You must hate Draco Meteor/Outrage spammers.
  [*]359 - Absol: You're an ABSOL-ute pushover, even when you mega-evolve.
  [*]360 - Wynaut: To be perfectly honest, I have mass respect for you simply due to the fact that you were the first non-fully evolved Pokémon to be in uber tier (gens 3 and 4)... But that doesn't change the fact you and wobbuffet can't do anything to hurt a ghost-dark type.
  [*]362 - Glalie: Every time I see you, I'm always reminded why ice types suck so much ass-flavoured popsicles.
  [*]365 - Walrein: Sorry bud, but being a bulkier version of a bottom tier pokémon (Dewgong) doesn't safe you from being a bottom tier pokémon.
  [*]373 - Salamence: Yeah, your mega's OP AF, but Ice Shard will always be your kryptonite... Also, you can't even use your mega in gen 8.
  [*]399 - Bidoof: Your careers have been long dead now that HM slavery is nonexistent.
  [*]400 - Bibarel: Same as above.
  [*]405 - Luxray: ...Wait... So you're not a Manectric with black hair?
  [*]415 - (Male) Combee: Oh goody! I've found myself a new batch of guinea pigs for my Shuckle experiment!
  [*]443 - Gible: Even though I don't watch the anime anymore, through gens 2-4, you were by far the worst pokémon that Ash had ever caught, your potential was so wasted, even James's Magikarp had more worthwhile screen time than you. ...Wait did I just diss Magikarp?
  [*]462 - Magnezone: Getting Levitate is an unobtainable fantasy for you.
  [*]486 - Regigigas: You're a legendary? Oh please, aside from the Ranger series, name one game where you're remotely a threat.
  [*]489 - Why does the Battle Tower/Subway/Manor/Tree even bother banning you? We all know you're just an inferior Manaphy.
  [*]493 - Arceus: Despite being the creator of all things pokémon, it still gets its ass beat by mere mortals.
  [*]556 - Archen: Given your god-awful ability, it's no wonder you went extinct.
  [*]557 - Archeops: Same as above.
  [*]602 - Tynamo: There's a bunch of discharge jokes that are begging to come out, but that would be too easy... wait, what?...
  [*]663 - Talonflame: You've heard of better nerf Greninja, now get ready for better lame Talonflame.
  [*]688 - Binacle: You were so ugly that everyone died. The end.
  [*]724 - Decidueye: Good for you, you're in Pokken; Incineroar's in the fighting game people actually care about.
  [*]727 - Incineroar: It's a good thing pitfalls and back-throws don't exist in the main games, otherwise you'd be ridiculously easy to kill.
  [*]730 - Primarina: Your spots in Smash Bros and Pokken were stolen by Incineroar and Decidueye respectively. You're like the least favourite child of both parents.
  [*]772 - Type:Null: You're the wasted opportunity of being either a ??? type pokémon or a pokémon of every type, take your pick.
  [*]773 - Silvally: I've said it once and I'll say it again: You're the poor man's Arceus.
  [*]789 - Cosmog: ♪The world can be one together, cosmos without hatred.♪
  [*]790 - Cosmoem: Legendary Metapod.
  [*]807 - Zeraora: Okay, three problems. 1: (Arguably) the most forgettable mythical pokémon. 2: Lucario rip off. and 3: Why aren't you Electric-Fighting?! Such a disappointment.
  [*]851 - Centiskorch: Y'know, somebody once told me that the pattern on your stomach looks like a pack of condoms, and as much as I hate to say it, they're right.
  [*]869 - Alcremie: Alchemy, the science of understanding, deconstructing and reconstructing matt-- wait, what were we talking about? Slurpuff 2.0? Eh, pass
  [*]892 - Urshifu: Wait, you're a legendary? I thought you were Ursaring's Galarian form.
  [*]893 - Zarude: Is it just me, or has the title of mythical pokémon lost it's standards lately? I mean c'mon, you don't even look like a legendary!

I'll update the list over time. All participants are free to update their roast lists whenever they feel like it. It would be better you'd do that instead of posting multiple times.

 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

It's his loss. Besides in this economy, 500 hundred poké (which may I remind you, is more related to yen than it is a dollar, making its actual price more like 5-ish dollars) is a pretty sweet deal for Magikarp of all things!

 

Because 'sad' boys. For more information, I direct you to the youtuber apandah he's an expert on said specimen.

 

Thread revive

 

That's only because I can't think of a good Grovyle roast, yet. Just you wait.

 

Galarian Zapdos drumsticks. Sounds tasty!

 

@Kecleon 'Sup bruh, I just roasted your favourite Pokémon, come @ me.