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Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Setsuna-Damius, Apr 18, 2015.

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  1. Setsuna-Damius

    Setsuna-Damius Bug Catcher

    Apr 18, 2015
    (This is the reason I was recommended here in the first place >.>
    This is my first story ever. It's about three years old, approximately 30 chapters long. Towards the end it gets speeded up due to getting bored with the story. You can find the whole thing under the name of Shinx's Tragedy. (I just recently finnished it after a year long hiatus.) I would love reviews >.>) Please enjoy the story (I may also cut out some parts, because I think 4-5 chapters were filler.) (I'll also say I messed up a bit on the tags. The eevee doesn't come in till far later.)

    Chapter 1: The First Loss

    I used to live near in a small place where water was abundant, and trees where ample whenever I needed to hide from the humans. From up north came the strong scent of honey and flowers. Mother had never let me travel up north, though. South I avoided because it seemed humans were blooming. They built structures high and tall, they flashed with bright colors in the night. I avoided that place because of the amount of humans that lived there.
    We lived on a cliff, me, my sister, and my mother. A cave was on the cliff that opened out to the bottom of the cliff.
    (In Pokémon Diamond and Pearl this place was called Rugged Path.)
    It all started when a human in the middle of the night, a human tramped through the forest of trees, searching for us. Our mother hid us, my sister and me, behind a group of bushes.
    "Stay here," she said leaving both of us.
    "Mom, wait!" I shouted, watching my mother leaving.
    "Look Chimchar, it's a Luxray!" the trainer said.
    My sister beside me woke up, and asked," Where's mommy?"
    I shushed her and said," She's fighting a trainer."
    "Wait, Mommy is fighting a trainer!" she shouted.
    I shushed her again and peered through the bushes. I saw the human take out a red and white ball from his belt.
    "Go, Roserade!" He shouted, throwing the ball as it grew in mid-air.
    It landed with a quiet thud on the ground and bounced once. The ball opened and exploded into a ball of white light and then jumped back to the trainer's hand. A roserade stood in place of the white light. Then my mom ran away, trying to lure the human away from us.
    We stood there waiting for our mom. We waited; sleep avoiding us, as the sun started to rise. The sun rose above mount coronet as my hope slowly dwindled. My eyes were starting to water.
    "Brother you don't think our mom will lose to a feeble Roserade, do you?" she asked, getting angry at me.
    "No, I don't," I lied, I couldn't make her hope fall with mine.
    On a battle scale out mother would've lost, not only is she dis-advantaged by type, but she also would have to face whatever other pokemons that trainer had enslaved. Then on top of that, Roserade can be packed to the top with moves like stun spore, toxic, even solar beam, a move that I know would annihilate my mother in a matter of seconds. In truth my mother wasn't going to come back.

    (I'll post a second story, my other story. Which I personally like far more than this story, unfortunately I'm never able to finnish it.)
  2. Setsuna-Damius

    Setsuna-Damius Bug Catcher

    Apr 18, 2015
    Chapter 2: Loss of Freedom
    Eventually, I fell onto my side tired of the energy that I used to stay awake the night before. My sister resisted exhaustion as my eyes became heavy.
    I asked myself, why mom why, it wasn't right for someone to take someone's mom. We're humans all like this? Why, why would humans be so cruel?
    I closed my eyes and shut them tight from the incoming tears.
    Shinx's Tragedy Story
    "Shinx!" my sister said; shacking me.
    I got up and remembered the dream about mother. I could feel a whole in my heart again, a sinking feeling.
    "What if mommy's injured?" My sister asked; sleep deprivation written on her eyes.
    "Maybe," I said, getting up, still tired.
    "Let's go then!" she yelled.
    She walked out from the bushes and kept walking following the foot-prints of our mom. I followed from behind her, every now and then feeling the gaze of other wild Pokémon. This could be bad, I thought to myself.
    Then suddenly my sister stopped, looking the other way I bumped into her. She paused, and I could feel her get tense.
    "What's wrong," I asked, getting walking in front of her.
    Her head was turned down, she breathed heavily, the way she does before she starts to cry.
    I looked down and saw the paw prints in the dirt stop.
    I felt my heart drop as I saw the trainer's shoe prints keep going. My mother had been caught, there was no other way to explain it. Rain started to fall heavily around us, I could imagine my mother laying there after getting stunned and solar beamed. The trainer throwing the ball at my mother, without a single other thought. Humans were much more than I could say, I wanted to get back at them.
    I will go strong, I will and avenge mother. My vision started to become blurry; I will hunt down that trainer for capturing mother. I will become the strongest luxray ever, no one will be able to stop me.
    "So, now you're alone..." said a Pokémon behind us, and from the voice it had to be a kricketune.
    "What do you want, Kricketune!" I shouted turning around.
    "Well now that your mother is gone," he said, staring at his two knife like hands." I may as well get revenge on you two, since she beat me up!"
    "Sister, run!" I shouted, I pushed her forward as the kricketune started to run at us. I turned around and ran at it.
    "No, brother!" my sister shouted.
    "Tackle!" I yelled and ran into the kricketune.
    "You think you can hold me off?" he shouted," Furry Cutter!"
    I felt the knife like arms cut at the top of my head.
    "Tackle!" I shouted and ran into him pushing him into a tree." Run Sister, Run!"
    "Furry Cutter!" he yelled, hitting me multiple times again.
    He became silent and held still, staying focused.
    "Tackle," I yelled, ramming him again. Then I rammed him again.
    "Bide!" He shouted and hit me with a force so powerful I was sent flying against a tree.
    I fell from the tree and onto my face, I gritted my teeth and tried to get up. He was so powerful, there was no way I could defeat him, just no way. I tried to get up but I fell back down feeling the pain run up my legs.
    "No!" I muttered, "I can't fail yet."
    I saw kricketune run after my sister. With force I slowly got up and limped following the kricketune. Then I heard my sister scream.
    I have to get there, I thought, I couldn't lose both of my family members, I won't accept it. I stopped limping and started to walk at a quick pace. I soon walked out the forest and walked onto a cleared road. There were two people, both of them without a Pokémon. In front of me was a kricketune, and between them was my sister, cornered and doomed both ways.
    "Willis, look at that Shinx!" said one of the humans.
    "You think that Kricketune was beating both of them up, Steve?" asked the human, who's name seemed to be Willis. "Wait look at that one, isn't that a shiny shinx?"
    "Wow, you're right let's catch and battle over it! C'mon we can take that Kricketune on, don't worry Shinxes we're saving you!" shouted Willis.
    "Go, Starly!" shouted Steve.
    "Go, Bidoof!" shouted Willis.
    Neither of the Pokémon couldn't be that much stronger than me.
    Then Kricketune, ran in with a surprise attack," Furry Cutter!". He hit the Kricketune with his knife like hands.
    "Oww!" Yelled the Bidoof.
    "Starly, use quick attack, now!" shouted Steve.
    "Bidoof counter with a tackle!" shouted Willis.
    The kricketune tried to dodge but was too late when he got hit by both of them simultaneously.
    "Oof!" Shouted the Kricketune, and suddenly became quiet.
    "Becareful he knows bide!" I said.
    "Thanks," both of them yelled.
    "Bidoof use growl!" shouted Willis, the bidoof started to growl.
    "Starly hit him with another quick attack!" shouted Steve, pointing at the kricketune.
    Starly ran at it and tackled him before Kricketune can react, then the starly flew back towards the people before kricketune can release the energy he stored up.
    "Unleash!" shouted the Kricketune, running at the bidoof.
    "Sister tackle him from the side!" I instructed.
    She ran at him and yelled," Tackle!" The kricketune was pushed down.
    Willis then through the same red and white Pokéball that I saw from last night. I tried to hit the ball before it could hit the poor kricketune but I was too late. The ball hit the kricketune and he disappeared inside. The ball shook and the button glowed red.
    Then before I noticed Steve threw the same ball at me. I teleported into the dark ball.
    "No," I could hear my sister say, moments before I entered the ball.
    I rammed the walls of the ball with the little strength I had left in me. The ball didn't open as I tackled it even harder, but soon I stopped, all I was doing was hurting myself.
    Tears welled up in my eyes, and then I shouted hoping my sister could hear me yell in vain," Run sister Run!"
    I didn't stop screaming till my voice finally croaked. In the cold darkness, I curled up into a ball and cried silently. There was no way out and there was no way for me to leave.
  3. Setsuna-Damius

    Setsuna-Damius Bug Catcher

    Apr 18, 2015
    Chapter 3: A Doctor
    When I woke up I noticed that I was outside the ball. I looked around the new room I was in. It was white and full of objects. All objects that I've never seen before. I noticed that I was laying on something soft but it had a strange texture, I could hear it crumple under my weight. There were soft objects wrapped around different parts of my body, especially my head, I could feel its weight.
    There seemed to be no exit until a human lady with pink hair pushed a piece of the wall in. She wore a white apron and underneath that a dress, she wore a white tiara on her head that also had a red plus.
    She approached me slowly. I stood up, feeling the pain in one of my legs, and bared by fangs growling at her. "Chansey!" called the human lady," Can you help me?"
    A chansey entered from the same place the human entered. The chansey looked at me, and smiled lightly as if trying to relieve me of my nervousness.
    I backed up a little creeped out.
    "Don't worry, we're going to help you," said the chansey.
    "I have no trust for you human lovers!" I yelled back.
    "We put the casts on you!" the chansey said.
    "I would rather be left for dead then to ever be a human's pet!" I yelled.
    "Just trust me, this human isn't bad!" said the chansey.
    "What are you guys going to do to me?" I asked.
    "All we're going to do is just try to heal you," promised the chansey, "that's all. All humans aren't bad!"
    "Fine, maybe you're right I just did meet up with the wrong people, then where's my sister?" I asked.
    "There's a shinx that the trainers asked my human partner to check out for any injuries!" assured the chansey.
    "Wait did my mother, a luxray, come here?" I asked, hope filling me up.
    "A man with a luxray came here last night," the chansey said.
    "Alright then, I'm out!" I said and jumped off the pedestal.
    "Wait, you're wounds are still pretty bad! We still need to heal you!" she said.
    "My mother comes first!" I said, and then I felt a quick sharp pain on my back.
    I turned around to face the chansey, my vision becoming blurry and my body starting to feel like it was being strained by fatigue
    "What... What... Did you do to me?" I asked, my speech starting to slur.
    "Don't worry you're just going to sleep for a while," said the chansey and picked me up.
    Shinx's Tragedy Story
    I woke up again in the dead of night, light came from a hole in the wall. 'I must get there,' I thought to myself.
    I jumped off the soft pedestal I was laid on.
    'No my sister... but my mother is getting further by the second.' I pondered to myself, 'my mother would be proud if I got to my sister first.'
    I leapt onto another pedestal softly not to make any noise. This one was hard and slightly creaked as I walked across it. The hole was too high for me. I looked around for something to boost me up to the hole. I looked back at the pedestal I was sleeping on and saw a bunch of box shaped objects in a niche under it. I jumped back down and put a paw on the box and found that it easily crumpled.
    'Too fragile to support my weight, what about the hidden entrance that the human and the Chansey went through?' I asked myself, 'There had to be one otherwise how would they get me in here?
    I lightly pushed my head against the wall and walked around, trying to feel an area that moved. Then my head hit something. I stopped and took a few steps back and seemed to be a large frame.
    'Found it!' I thought to myself.
    I pushed my head against the door and opened it. The exit opened out to split into two paths, one to my right, and one to my left.
    'Just great!' I thought,' No this is an advantage. This means I will have less of a chance to run into that chansey, if I do, it's all over.'
    I quietly crept to the end of the path on the right. I slowly poked my head out, and looked around the corner for any sign of trouble. The path turned to the left and ended with another turn.
    "Ahem!" said a human voice, behind me.
    I slowly turned around and saw the same human that had put me to sleep earlier. I bared my fangs at her, while looking around for a way around her. Then I turned around and ran through the hall, trying to out run her.
    "Chansey!" the human called.
    Suddenly the chansey walked into view at the end of the hall. I stopped and tried to keep a good distance away from the human. The chansey and the human closed me into a tight area, till I was completely cornered.
    "Gotcha!" whispered the human, and at top speed dropped down to a crouch to grab me. I jumped up and over her, landing on her back and continued running. I ran down the hall, and didn't look back.
    I turned to the right at the first side path I found.
    "You're going to be caught!" said the Chansey standing there waiting for me.
    I jumped back in total shock.
    "Why can't you leave me alone," I shouted at her, "All I want is my mother and sister!"
    She grabbed me before I could move out-of-the-way. I frantically started to kick at her as she adapted to my movement.
    "Chansey, sing," shouted the human from the other side of the hallway.
    I tried to cover my ears but the singing got to me before I could do so. I felt my eyes become heavy, and thought, 'No, mother, I'm sorry...'
    Shinx's Tragedy Story
    I believe that I have mistakes in here that are invisible to my sight, I'm hoping maybe you guys would tell me. Like I spelled a Pokémon's name wrong, or maybe I was unclear. Next, I know that I must sound 'vague' when I was talking about a pedestal and objects that I, or Shinx, couldn't describe to you. Well for those of you who don't understand what I'm trying to pull off, I'm trying to describe everyday objects from a Pokémon's point of view. Finnaly my major source of info on Pokémon, Bulbapedia, is having trouble... I tried to go earlier, 12/31/12 and there was a warning that a virus or something maybe on it. I was hoping maybe somebody can share a really good source for Pokémon info, such as a Pokémon's natural habitat, or even down to the point of what they commonly ate.
    Thank You for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
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