Staff Ancestry

Why does all this happen when I'm sleeping in late.

Also I'm just going to assume that all of us who don't have listed parents sprang from Del's forehead fully clothed athena style while he was drawing.

 

Still makes more sense than the Greek gods and their ancestry xD Also I have to say I absolutely love the ship names, they are the best.

 

This is amazing, and was well worth the effort.

I added in a detail that I thought was important which was me being Mag's human companion.

Also, Lost Jesus OTP.

 

Why does all the insane stuff happen while I'm not online

 

Suddenly I feel more linked to Naruto, believe it!

Now to continue putting up with being Noct's bro-in-law-because-I-have-to-be and mourning over my lack of Father.

FAAATHEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

 

@[member="Bryce"], are you going to do a Members ancestry as well? XD
I'd love to see that.As for my favorite ship, I'm going with LostJesus here.

 

gotta say, this is absolutely perfect

now i can keep track of my grandchildren

 

All hail Kawaii Jesus-Chan.

 

Greatness a w a i t s~

But.
but.
where is lv announcer?

b r y cy you fudged up by leaving out the prodigal son!

 

families r cool

Spoiler

Our story starts in the great city of Lake Valor, with two guys, Satix and Del. Satix is the founder of Lake Valor, often abbreviated to LV because it's just easier that way. Del is the co-founder of the city, and significant other to Ryan.
Del also happens to be an excellent artist. One day when he's drawing, he starts getting an unbearable headache worse than that of a migraine. Being the person that he is, he keeps drawing, only for exactly six people to jump out of his forehead (thankfully all fully clothed). He's so in shock he doesn't even realize his headache is gone. So he carefully saves his drawing progress and then is like "well holy shit, six people just came out of my head" and being the sensible person he is he decides to give them names.
The first one he names Pari, because why the fuck not. The next two look like they could be twins, so he names one Shiny because her hair is shiny and the other Madness, because it's madness anyone could have a beard that sweet.
The kawaii one he names Bloom. A kawaii name for a kawaii person. He names one Mag, because she seems like a person who likes magpies, somehow. And finally he names the last one Lost, because that's what his drawing would have been had he not saved.
Del takes these six people home to Ryan. Ryan and Del (or Rydel) also have a son, the dankest guy in the city, Sanc. Ryan's also Sanc's side bitch, but it's complicated, and we can get to that later. Or maybe never.
So they get home and Ryan is like "wtf where did these people come from" and then Del explains and honestly it's not the weirdest thing to ever happen to LV.
In a weird turn of events Sanc and Pari start talking, which is basically just a lot of "no u's" and then various expletives. They hit it off and decide to get married. Remember kids, it's not incest if one comes out of the parent's forehead. Anyway, soon enough they move out into their own house, where Sanc codes their son Bryce. Originally Bryce was going to be Sanc Jr., but he "wasn't cool enough".
Sanc, Pari, and their newly coded son went to visit the rest of the family.
Not to their surprise, Madness and Bloom had moved out and had a son, Gengoo, who is dead. And they adopted a daughter, Aqua, or more well known as Kawaii Jesus-Chan.
Bryce and Shiny fall in love and get their own house. Sanc and Pari were relieved to get him out of the house, because Bryce was a nuisance and was (and still is) grounded for 1000 years. Together Bryce and his waifu have two sons, RedG and RedS, or Red and Nate respectively.
Mag, who is also dead, is paired with Gengoo as her waifu and they live in a somewhat strained arranged marriage type of thing. It depends who you ask.
As for Kawaii Jesus-Chan, she and Lost are happily married with probably the best ship name ever, Lost Jesus.
And they all lived happily in one clusterfuck of a family. The end.

 

Pari is the most skilled of scribes, praise be
Write a full novel about our antics pls

 

//blows dust off thread

so this needed an update???

Spoiler: not pictured: nate srry rip

Azelf is Shit at Babysitting, but that's Okay

Spoiler

The story starts a long time ago, as all good stories should. And by a long time ago, I mean two, nearly three years ago. Anyway two, nearly three years ago there were four gods of time, space, distortion, and Pretty Much Everything.
The gods of time and space were talking with the god of Pretty Much Everything one day and they were like "dude you know what would be rad" and the god of Pretty Much Everything was like "what" and the god of space was said "if we made just three giant lakes in the middle of nowhere to mess with people how hilarious would that be?"
The god of Pretty Much Everything was completely on board with this rather lame idea, in fact he was so completely thrilled that he decided to make three beings assigned to the lakes. So after the god of space created the craters for the lake and the god of time filled the lakes to be useful, the god of Pretty Much Everything created the three beings of willpower, emotions, and knowledge. The three lakes were then named Lake Valor, Lake Verity, and Lake Acuity.
Now, only one of those lakes is moderately important to the story, and by moderately I mean the lake is the main setting.
One day there was a human that came along and found the lake. The human was named Ryan, and he was like "wow, okay, this lake was definitely not here yesterday, but whatever its cool" and so he did what any other person would do and decided to build a giant city around the lake.
Ryan had a friend who was more like an on again off again lover named Deltheor. Deltheor drew a lot. And he was so completely stunned at the scenery of the lake that randomly appeared in the middle of nowhere that the first thing he did after moving into the city with Ryan was go draw. Unfortunately as the day progressed Deltheor got a headache that grew worse and worse, but the sight of the lake only filled him with Determination so he continued drawing.
This kills the man. But not really.
What actually happened was a bright white light and then his headache was gone. Poof. But sprawled on the ground were exactly eight people who had sprung from Del's forehead, fully clothed Athena style.
"Well," Del said, and he took them back to the house.
He sat Ryan and Sanc, his and Ryan's son, down in the living room for A Long Talk and Del was like "so the weirdest thing happened today" and Sanc said "if someone messed up with the code again I dont wanna hear it" but Del shook his head and pointed to where eight people were kinda sitting around the dining room and said "they came out of my forehead while I was drawing" and Ryan just looked at Del before finally saying "So?"
And Del just looked at Ryan and said "So we gotta name them" and so they spent a lot of time on sites like behindthename and random name generators before finally settling on suitable names.
Their naming attempts could be better but they all get a "You Tried" gold star even though they really didn't.
One of them they named Pari, because Del hit his hand on the keyboard and got prh. They stuck a few vowels and took off the h and they had their first name.
Another they named Lost, because Del had unfortunately lost his drawing when taking the Octet home, and he had to cope somehow. It didn't work.
The biological siblings were named Shiny and Madness. Ryan had been reading the Lake Valor Newsletter and those words somehow stuck out to him and everything was okay because no one seemed to mind they were getting decent names for the stupidest reasons.
One of the girls was named Bloom because she had picked up a flower and had put it in her hair. It was very kawaii.
Red was so named because he seemed to like the color red. That was it. No one even asked if it was his favorite color. He was just Red.
It took them a while to think of a name before finally settling on Mag. If they were completely honest they were just throwing random letters together at that point.
Finally, the last, Bloom's kinda-sister, was named Lunar, because the naming process was taking so long when they got to the last person it was night and the moon was out. A full moon. So why not.
To celebrate naming the foreheadspawn, Del and Ryan decided to go out for dinner. They left the being of the lake, Azelf, in charge of the house while they were gone, with strict instructions for "no funny business".
That lasted about 10 seconds after the door closed.
The Octet and Sanc threw the largest party that Lake Valor had ever seen and it was the greatest. Or they would have, except none of them really knew each other well and they all sat quietly and everything was very awkward.
Until someone brought out Mario Kart.
Bonds were forged through the red and blue teams, and were quickly broken as well. Fuck Rainbow Road.
But by the time everyone was tired of yelling and had probably broken the Mario Kart disk in half they were significantly better friends than before. And that was how relationships started blooming. Kinda. Sorta. In a way.
Pari and Sanc, who had been on the same team most of the time while playing the Wii, started talking. Stuff about eggs and coding and anime and ramen. And it turned out Azelf is probably the worst at keeping an eye on people because they snuck back to Sanc's room and proceeded to stay up all night. Watching anime. Get your minds out of the gutter.
But hey, despite Sanc being Del's son, it's not incest if one comes from one of the parent's foreheads. Important fact to remember.
No one was really surprised when they announced their eggagement later (haha see what I did there) and moved out. Sanc spent three days and three nights (because all good things in stories happen in threes) coding a lovely son they named Bryce.
Meanwhile back at Del and Ryan's house, Azelf had been fired from his job because even for 5000 Pokepoints a night he couldn't keep a sufficient eye on everyone else. "Even Uxie could do a better job with its eyes closed," Ryan said, which was a huge blow to Azelf's pride.
Anyway, Madness and Bloom had gotten together and had a very nice wedding. Everything was lovely except for the very heated argument between the bride and groom. "I don't care if this is my wedding day, we are not having flowers," Madness said. Bloom was irritated. "How can we not have flowers this is a wedding," she argued, but Shiny quickly stepped in. "How about a compromise?" And that's the story of how Bloom threw a Ziploc bag of flour over her head instead of flowers. Shiny caught it.
Which was completely not a coincidence at all, because the wedding was where Shiny and Bryce met. And then no one was really surprised when they got married either. And Shiny threw another bag of flour. Traditions catch on quickly. "They grow up so fast," Pari said, shedding a single tear, and ignoring the fact Bryce had been coded to be 18 to skip the child years. Bryce and Shiny soon moved out to their own apartment.
Bloom and Madness had a child, a son they named Gengar. Later on he married Mag. It depends who you ask, but there are certain rumors that it was an arranged marriage sort of thing. But you know.
Bryce and Shiny went on the have two daughters, Noct and Reckless. Reckless and Red hit it off extremely well. They got married quickly, but everyone could see how happy they were.
Noct never married. She just got pregnant and had Aqua, so basically Aqua was Jesus. Stunned by the miracle, Noct took a spiritual trip around the world, leaving Aqua in Bloom's care. Aqua and Lost met, fell in love, and went on to have a beautiful ship name of LostJesus.
Lunar never married either, instead she babysat Gengar and Mag's two children, a daughter named Azure and a son named Nate. Everyone was happy.
Except Pari and Sanc, because no one ever brought their grandchildren to visit.
And then tragedy struck. Bryce had left Shiny and their children. Except not in the break up way. His job required him to travel, but they decided it would be better for Shiny to stay at Lake Valor. She still mourned his absence, not knowing when he would return.
Other than that, everything was swell. It's great sometimes, the things that happen when gods have dumb ideas.

 

Since Blast was recently added to the family, here's the new tree:


And here's his sidestory (courtesy of [member=Kaneki]):

Spoiler: The Baby is You

first of all, shiny:
welcome to homestuck. i hope you're at a point where you know where i got the idea.

to my new son, blast:
welcome to the team!

now enjoy a nice song that inspired the title. :>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUwobOYlEn8



a few months after everything had happened, and people were settled in the lake, pari was taking a nice walk around, enjoying the night. sanc wasn't with her, still at home coding. and probably breaking something. i mean. fixing. i definitely said fixing.
anyway. pari was watching the stars, and quite frankly fucking freezing because its Too Damn Cold outside. so she starts heading home because fuck it, she can enjoy the view from inside. but as shes walking back she sees a shooting star. a shooting start thats hurtling straight towards the ground. oh arceus, its on fire. theres smoke everywhere.
being the dumm person pari is, she just stays and watches it as it falls. and it falls right near her, and still being stupid, she goes to investigate the smoking ruins.
right in the middle of a crater is a baby. like, an actual baby. and somehow its miraculously unharmed, and wearing a diaper. and thankfully the baby is not dual-wielding flintlock pistols, because that could have and, in another place in another time already has, ended Really Badly.
but its just a baby, sitting among melted snow and scorched grass and flaming trees. so pari picks it up and takes it home.
sanc is at home coding and eating ramen when she gets home. it takes him a solid ten minutes to realize she's home, and another fifteen to realize that shes carrying a goddamn baby.
"what the fuck is this?" he asks.
"its a baby," pari says.
"no i meant this, someone fucked with the code again. but why do you have a baby."
theres a pause, and pari sighs. "i found it in the woods."
"you found it in the woods."
"that is what i said, yes."
this goes on for several minutes.
finally, sanc says, "well whatre we going to do with it?" he's already thinking this is going to be a disaster. grey was coded to already be 18, so they didnt have to deal with actually raising it.
"wellll, since grey moved out-"
"i thought you hated babies," sanc says suddenly.
pari blinks. "i do."
"gr88, we're keeping it then."
and thats how sanc and pari got another son. affectionately named blast, because of the explosion from his meteorite.

 

with the addition of two mods comes the tradition of updating this.

Spoiler: a tale of two memes

months in the future, but not many...

eventually blast grew up, though he continued to live with sanc and pari. often he wandered around lake valor, sometimes visiting the spot where pari found him, the crater from his meteorite still there. ah, memories.

one day when he was walking he came across a large, smooth stone that was like, as literally as tall as him. he went home and grabbed the wheelbarrow his parents had for their meme farm, and wheeled the giant stone home.
his parents were less than pleased with his discovery.
"where are we gonna keep this?" pari asked, gesturing to the stone that sat just at the bottom of the porch steps. it was too big to fit through the front door.
"cant we just put it somewhere in the meme fields?" blast was determined not to give it up. he loved this stone.
"fine," pari said, "but you better not crush any of the memes."
"our rare pepes are doing well this year," sanc noted. "i can afford to waste more money on the lv lottery - and of course, get milk," he added hastily as pari loudly sighed.
so blast set off to dump his stone at the edge of the meme fields, where it stayed there for three days and three nights. because, as usual, most fairy tale happenings happen in threes.

on the fourth day when blast went out to check the stone, he found it had shattered, the pieces laying in the soil. he would have screamed, except sitting in the field, admiring the memes, was a girl. the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
"hey," he said awkwardly as he walked over to her.
she looked up at him. she had the most beautiful eyes. and face. it was love at first sight, he decided. or some nonsense like that.
her name was mega, but she liked morgle better. blast brought her back to the house, where she was welcomed with open arms by sanc and pari.
three weeks later, morgle and blast got married, continuing the tradition of throwing flour instead of flowers. madness, shiny, and red all still refused to set foot near any golden flower.
after their marriage, blast and morgle moved out of the tuary household. as all their children did, pari thought as she waved to them, wiping away a single tear.
months later, tragedy would strike as blast would go mia. sanc and pari took it hard, as did morgle. she and shiny bonded over both their lost husbands.

wounds slowly healed. well, they still werent, but they were on their way. kinda. not really. at any rate, time continued to pass. morgle was over visiting pari to help her with the meme fields, LIKE A GOOD DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. COMING TO VISIT. AND SHE WOULD PROBABLY BRING THE KIDS TOO, IF SHE HAD ANY. BUT NOT TO POINT FINGERS OR ANYTHING. SHINY. but anyway, they were heading over to tend pari's potato fields when pari shrieked as she saw a dude crouched over amongst the potato plants.
"get out of my potatoes!" she shouted, sprinting towards the stranger. "fite me irl!"
"mum wait!" morgle grabbed the back of pari's shirt before she did anything she would regret later. "thats just wizard, my brother."
"you have a brother?"
"yeah, hes a potato."
which explained why he was in pari's potato field.
wizard stood up, dusted himself off, and shook pari's hand. "hi."
pari immediately took a liking to him, and brought him back to the house. "sanc, we have a new son!" she shouted up the stairs to sanc's room.
he was busy coding and listening to music. or playing osu!, or watching anime. she didnt know. oh well, hed find out during dinner.
"since when did we get a new son?" sanc asked when he came down for dinner, which was ramen.
"since today," pari said. "his name is wizard and hes morgle's brother." morgle had gone home, but wizard opted to live with his new parents.
"if he leaves, im done with this 'parenting' shit," sanc declared.
pari considered this. "fair enough."