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Story Development. Help needed

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Scriffignano, Sep 8, 2014.

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  1. Scriffignano

    Scriffignano PKMN Breeder

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    As I said in my intro that I posted today, I am rather new to the whole fan fiction world, so I am asking for advice on my story's development and making my existing chapters more interesting. At the moment I need help with the following things. Duke and Cleo need character backgrounds, I need help beefing up my 1st 2 chapters of the stoy since they seem a bit bland. I would also like some help developing my 3rd chapter. I will post it on this page for you guys look at because it is not posted up on the Fanfiction yet. If you have any ideas that can help my characters that do have a background story, please do post. The only things I will not change are their teams. Those I have set for a specific reason.

    Characters:
    Arc at 19- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Arc-413666082
    Arc at 22- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Arc-Frontier-Brain-478415738
    Cleo- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Cleo-478416421
    Duke- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Duke-478416671
    Thorn- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Thorn-478417004
    Thorton- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Thorton-478419376
    Beau- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Beau-478416157
    Clif- http://scriffignano.deviantart.com/art/Trainer-Card-Clif-478419509

    Story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10673629/1/Pokemon-The-Untold-Story-of-Arc

    P.S. I will make sure that anyone who suggests a noteworthy comment, change, or idea to my story will be put in the last page as a thank you.
     
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  2. Scriffignano

    Scriffignano PKMN Breeder

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    Chapter 4
    "So I have one badge now" Arc said proudly.
    "That's excellent sweetie. How are all your Pokémon doing?" Cleo asked.
    "They're fine. Snow Storm and Neeko are being checked out by Nurse Joy" he replied.
    "Who is Snow Storm?" Cleo looked puzzled.
    "Oh! I never introduced her to you. She is a Butterfree I caught in the field I used to hang out in after school. She was a Caterpie back then though." He responded.
    Cleo's eyes really brightened up when he told her about Snow Storm and she was about to speak when the intercom buzzed
    "Arc please head to the reception desk immediately. Your Pokémon are ready for you".the intercom buzzed and Cleo was about to speak
    Arc said his goodbyes to Cleo and hung up before going to get his Pokémon.
    He walked over to Nurse Joy to get Neeko and Snow Storm thinking that everything was going to be fine. However he yelped with surprise with what stood before him. Neeko wasn't a little loveable Charmander anymore, but a very proud Charmeleon.
    "What happened back there?" he asked.
    "Well, he evolved. I was just looking over his injuries when it happened." Nurse Joy said with a sweet smile.
    Arc pulled out the Pokédex "Charmeleon. The Flame Pokémon, this fierce Pokémon swings its tail wildly to raise the air temperature around it".
    Arc thanked Nurse Joy and they left Pewter City.
    The trio moved at a brisk pace trying to reach Cerulean city as soon as possible. Arc reviewed his battle with Brock trying to learn new tactics in facing trainers. The main fact that he remembered was the fact he was at a type disadvantage the entire battle.
    "Since I swore that I will not catch anymore Pokémon till I lose a battle, I need to come up with some strategies and moves to counter that." Arc mumbled to himself.
    He kept walking when the ground shook below him, pausing he looked at Neeko before the ground caved in. Before he could even squeak, Arc and Neeko were at the bottom of a hole laying on their backs. Snow Storm looked at them very confused making a motion for them to climb out. Arc stared at her slightly annoyed since she was giving them the "What are you doing down there" look.
    "Snow Storm! Stop looking at me like that use String Shot to make a ladder for us" Arc grumbled at her.
    "FREEEEEE!" Snow Storm said.
    She complied and within a few minutes Arc and Neeko were out of the hole.
    "What in the world is a hole doing here?" Arc asked quizzically.
    Neeko shrugged and proceeded to use Ember to show his annoyance of the hole. Suddenly two voices started speaking with an eerie chill.
    "Prepare for trouble... and make it double! To infect the world with devastation! To blight all people in every nation! To denounce the goodness of truth and love! To extend our wrath to the stars above!... Cassidy!... and Butch, of course! We're Team Rocket, circling Earth all day and night! Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight!" the voices said.
    He turned to face where the voices were coming from confused. What he saw was a man and woman wearing funky uniforms staring at him
    "What was that nonsense, and who are you guys?" he asked brushing dust from his shirt.
    Cassidy raised her voice and said "We are the infamous Team Rocket, we steal Pokémon for profit, exploit Pokémon for profit, and all Pokémon exist for the glory of Team Rocket. Our ultimate goal is to take over the world using Pokémon".
    Arc's eyes flared with anger hearing what the woman said.
    "Pokémon are not tools for you creeps! They are our companions and friends. What do you guys want from me anyways?!" Arc shouted.
    Pointing at Snow Storm Butch said "We are here for that Butterfree. It's not every day you come across a Butterfree like that one".
    Arc looked at Snow Storm and asked "What's so special about her? She's special to me I know, but isn't she the same as most Butterfree"?
    Butch and Cassidy laughed at Arc and Cassidy replied "Silly boy, your Butterfree isn't even from around here. That particular Butterfree is from the Orange Islands. It's exceedingly rare to find one around here in the middle of Kanto. Now enough of this idle chatter! Go Raticate"!
    She threw a Pokéball releasing a rather large brown rat like Pokémon. Not even taking the time to look it up Arc did the most important thing he could do as a trainer and he put himself between the Raticate and Snow Storm. "
    Neeko! Use Ember now!" Arc shouted and he charged at the Raticate using Ember.
    Burned by the searing embers, the Raticate jumped to the side and bit Neeko on the arm. Neeko pried Raticate off with a smack of his tail and let out a very powerful blaze of fire. The fire circled Raticate completely engulfing it in the inferno. Amazed by what just happened Arc pulled out the Pokédex.
    "Fire Spin. Using powerful flames to block its opponent from moving, it then inflicts great damage" the Pokédex beeped.
    "Well done! You just learned a new move"Arc screamed to Neeko excited by what just happened.
    "CHARRRR!" Neeko said deeply giving Arc a thumb's up.
    He turned his attention back to Raticate prepared to launch another attack.
    "Now Neeko! Use Fire Spin one more time, surround Raticate so it can't move." Arc shouted sending Snow Storm into the battle.
    "Raticate what's the matter with you! You should be tearing that Charmeleon to pieces right now!" Cassidy shouted getting impatient with the fight
    Cassidy took matters into her own hands, she pulled a net out and started to swing at Snow Storm.
    "Snow storm use String Shot" Arc reacting to Cassidy's attacks.
    She responded and wrapped the trio in a bundle of threads. Neeko used Fire Spin one more time charring the whole group. Completely dazed by what happened Cassidy and Butch took off in the other direction.
    "We'll be back, and next time we will get that Butterfree!" Butch screamed as he vanished from view.
    Wiping the sweat from his brow, Arc sat down trying to recover from the situation.
    "That was close. Those two had some nerve trying to steal you from me." Arc said looking at Snow Storm.
    "FREEEEE." Snow Storm responded
     
  3. Pokemontrainernick

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    I think maybe you might need to avoid so much speech and be more descriptive. In fact you do some brilliant describing right the very start of the chapter and further down in the battling scenes. However it seem then to become a case of character A screams this followed by character B says that without any more lovely descriptions take for the example your ending of chapter 3.

    Maybe you could simple avoid so much talking maybe with something like.

    "We'll be back and next time that Butterfree will be ours!" Butch screams as he and Cassidy vanish into the sky. Arc however takes there warning with little care as he wipes the sweat from his brow after his hard battle. He never had such a battle before against such thugs. But with Snow-storm now safely at his side he knew it was all worth it to save his Pokémon friend who now floats in front of him letting out a cheerful sounding crys of its name as if to say thank you.

    Arc could only guess this is what his friend said to him as he didn't really understand Pokémon. But that didn't matter for with battle over and Snow-strom safe, Arc then sets off with his friend by his side again ready for their next adventure.

    Anyway enough of that. This story does look promising and my only advice I can give about backgrounds is perhaps look to people you know, what are their background likes? Can it apply in the Pokémon world? Or maybe read some other Pokémon stories and see what background people have given their characters.

    Good luck with the story.
     
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  4. Scriffignano

    Scriffignano PKMN Breeder

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    Thank you for the input. Which battle scene were you referring to in the first part of the comment.
     
  5. Pokemontrainernick

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    It's the part starting with Burned by the searing embers and ending at the word pokemondex.
     
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