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The Adventure of Four

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by jedwards, Dec 25, 2014.

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  1. jedwards

    jedwards Youngster

    Dec 23, 2014
    [SIZE=12pt]Hello! This is my first story I have ever written! I've always wanted to write a Pokémon adventure story, so I decided to base it off of the new games: Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. This story will sort of mix the events of Alpha Sapphire and the Pokémon Emerald, so I hope you enjoy it![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]This story is also located on FanFiction, at [/SIZE]https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10908916/1/The-Adventure-of-Four

    Chapters will be uploaded there a week before I release them here, to help promote growth there. Be sure to follow me there! Chapter 2 is already up there, so go check it out!

    [SIZE=12pt]Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon or any of its characters. I only own my four own characters: Jay, Axel, Liz, and Kayla. Axel and Liz are based off of Brenden and May respectively for family relationship purposes.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]The Adventure of Four[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Part 1: Jay[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]My name is Jay Edwards. I'm 16, and lived in the Kalos region all my life. It was great there. I'd bore you with more details if I was still there. Unfortunately, I'm not. Which sucks. I hate change more than you can fathom. My dad is making us leave because some dumb professor in the dumb Hoenn region needed some more dumb assistants. Not that I think my dad is dumb, I just think that his reason for making mom and I move too is dumb. Not only are we leaving our home behind, but almost all of our stuff too! My parents said they wanted new stuff for a new life. They only thing they are letting me bring is my best friend, Spike. Spike was my first and only Pokémon, and he's a kick ass Chespin. I wouldn't leave Kalos without him. We leave for Hoenn in just under a month. I just hope I'll see Kalos again one day.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]So now, here I am, saying goodbyes to Kalos, and greeting ready for our new hom in Littleroot Town. Well here we go.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Part 2: Liz[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]Hi, my name is Elizabeth Birch! But you can just call me Liz. Im 16, and I'm the daughter of the great Professor Birch of the Hoenn region. I live in an awesome place called Littleroot Town. I help my dad out with his lab work a lot, and I can't wait for the day when I can finally get my own Pokémon and help my dad with his fieldwork. I'll be able to get my Pokémon in a just about a month actually! I don't know who I'm going to pick yet, but I hope one of them will match my personality! I also heard that we are getting some new neighbors soon, and can't wait to meet them.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]So, here I am, in my dad's lab waiting eagerly for my adventure to take place.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Part 3: Axel[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]The name's Axel. My real name is Alexander Smith, but if you feel inclined to call me that, I'll feel inclined to punch your teeth out. I'm 16 as of now, and can't wait to get away from all of life's drama and onto the road. Anyway, my mom and I are on my way to Hoenn from Johto. We are moving there cause my dad got an offer to be a gym leader there. My dad is a Pokémon fanatic, so he would never say no to an offer like that, so he went off about a month ago, and now we follow in suit. We don't even get to move to the city his gym is located in either. Petalburg city would have been way better than the dump called Littleroot we are supposed to move to. Hopefully I can get away there. I plan to go away from Littleroot Town with my partner, Blaze, my Cyndaquil, by going on one of those "journey's" you hear everyone talking about.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]So, here I am, packing up my stuff, ready to leave it all behind.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Part 4: Kayla[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]Hello, my name is Kayla Silph. Yes, as in Silph Co. I'm the daughter of the president of Silph Co. I'm 16, and on my way to a region called Hoenn for a trip to see how other companies operate. I'll be leaving in two or three months to visit the legendary Devon Corporation in Rustboro City, where Steven Stone will take me on a tour and show me how Devon operates. Normally people might be suspicious of me, due to my family, but Mr. Stone isn't that kind of person. He realized that the trip isn't about stealing corporate secrets, it's about teaching me how to be a successful inventor and business leader, which is all I can ask to be. All I'm taking with me is some clothes, my prototype and blueprint, a notebook, and my two partners, Ember and Shadow. I got Ember, my Charmander from professor Oak when he was teaching me advanced sciences, and I got Shadow, my Zorua as a gift from my father on my 10th birthday. He said he received from a professor in Unova with another tree name I don't remember of the top of my head. Seriously, do all of these professors have to be trees?[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]So, here I am, tinkering with my inventions in my room, anticipating my trip to Devon Corp.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Chapter 1: The New Guys in Town (Jay)[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"How do you feel, honey?" [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Terrible, I thought, but aloud I said, "I feel okay, I guess. Is dad still at the lab?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]My mom replied, "Yes, he hasn't gotten back from meeting the professor yet. He should be home soon though."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Our family just arrived in Littleroot Town, after traveling a few days after we landed in Hoenn. So far, the only intriguing the about the region is new Pokémon. I miss Kalos so much. The flight over made me realize how far away Hoenn actually is. I couldn't get back if I tried. I'm stuck here. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]My dad has already left to go help the professor, without even bothering to help set up our new stuff. What a great father. He is always work before family. At least in this house I got a bigger room. Woo hoo...[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Why don't you go see if any of the neighbors are out? I know you don't like meeting new people, but I hear that another boy your age has moved in next door from Johto, so you might be really good friends."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]My mom was really trying to make me uncomfortable. To make me comfortable. Wait, what? Still, I refuse to do it. I need a quick excuse.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"But what about all of the stuff? Don't you still need help?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Well, your room is already all set up because I know you can't stand empty spaces, and the moving Pokémon can help me finish the rest. So, go, make some new friends."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Damn, she got me. If I make another excuse, she'll know I'm avoiding this. Well played mom.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]"Well, I'm taking Spike with me then."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]I know she hates when I bring Spike to meet new people. This just might work. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"That's a great idea! It will show that you're from Kalos, and you can show them some of the native Pokémon from there!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]What?!? She's completely fine with it! She is determined. There's no way around it then. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]"Alright, I'll go."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Great, I'll see you around dinner! You should also swing by the lab and say hi to the professor and you father."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Great. More social interactions with people I don't know. "Okay, I'll see you later then. Spike, come on out!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]I released Spike from his Pokéball, and we headed out.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Chespin, che!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I know buddy, it's a really different place. Ugh, why is it so hot here?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Spike and I walked over to one of the next door houses, which had a moving truck next to it.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]This must be the Johto kid, I thought. I hope he is nice.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]I rang the doorbell. A woman answered the door. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Oh, hello! My name is Mrs. Smith. We just moved here from Johto. And who are you?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Alright, calm and collected now. Don't screw it up. Be cool. "My name is Jay Edwards. My family just moved here from Kalos. And this is Spike, my Chespin."[/SIZE]


    [SIZE=12pt]"Oh, how nice to meet you! We have a son about your age, I'm sure he'd love to meet you. Alex, come down to meet our neighbors!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Nice! I nailed the intro, so did Spike, they have a son my age, his name is Alex, that's a nice name, I hope he is a good person.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]An angry voice yelled from inside the house.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Why? I'm leaving soon anyway. And secondly, my name is not Alex! It's Axel! Get it right!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Oh no. Oh no. The son calls himself Axel. I've heard rumors of bike gang people in Johto. Oh no. This isn't going to end well for us. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Fine. But Axel doesn't sound nearly as nice as Alex. But you will come down to meet your neighbor, who has been waiting for you."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Oh no.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Fine. If that scrub hasn't run off by the time I get downstairs, I'll talk to him."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Oh no.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Mrs. Smith turned to me. "I'm sorry for his behavior, he is still mad that he had to leave Johto. So please, forgive him."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Um, uh, okay."[/SIZE]


    [SIZE=12pt]Axel came into view. He was about 6'1", had short jet black hair, fair skin, and light blue eyes. He was wearing a pair of black jeans, a tight fitting black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket over it. He had a pair of silverish Vans on, and he had a necklace with a bullet on the end. He was very muscular as well. And also very, very intimidating.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"So I guess the scrub had enough guts to stick around. I respect that. What's your name?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"J-Jay. And this is Spike, my Chespin. We are from Kalos."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Chespin!" Spike was completely unfazed by Axel.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I'll give you two some space," said Mrs. Smith.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Uh oh.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Looks like your Chespin had the right idea, scrub. I can respect that. I guess it's only fair I show you my Pokémon. Blaze, come out."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]A Cyndaquil was released from the Pokéball in Axel's jacket.[/SIZE]


    [SIZE=12pt]"Whoa, that's a Cyndaquil! Awesome, I've never seen one before! How long have you had one?" [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]For some reason, seeing this new Pokémon made Axel seem a lot less scary, and a lot more fascinating.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel also seemed taken aback by my new confidence. "For about a year now. But my dad never let me go out and train, he just let me have Blaze as a pet. But we aren't restrained by him now. We are leaving soon, to get stronger... You seem like a different person than I thought you were, scrub. What changed?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I love seeing new Pokémon. But I never really got the chance to go out and explore with Spike because I wasn't motivated enough. Well, I have to go see my dad at professor Birch's lab, cause he had to become a dumb assistant and move us, but I'll see you around hopefully!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel just stared at me for a second, then collected himself "Yea... I'll see you around, scrub." Axel and Blaze went back inside.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"That went better than I thought it would," I said to myself.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Chespin, pin" Spike seemed to agree.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Alright, now to the lab."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Once Spike and I got to the lab, I realized that it was a lot smaller than I thought it was. It was only slightly larger than our new house. I was expecting something grand, like Professor Sycamore's lab, and this fell way short. We moved so my dad could work for this?!?[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Spike and I entered the lab. I saw a few people, most were just random assistants, but three stood out to me. My father was the first, who was admiring the lab like it was a palace of gold. The second was the professor, who also didn't live up to expectations. He just seemed like an overweight man in his forties, who wore a lab coat over his regular home clothes. The third person was much more intriguing. She was a girl about my age, and she was pretty. And I mean really pretty. She was about 5'7" with long, straight light brown hair. She had fair, smooth skin and warm brown eyes. She was wearing a red skirt with a pair of black bike shorts underneath. She had a gray t-shirt with a red vest (like a Pokémon ranger's vest) with a black collar on. She had a gray pair of hiking boots on with long black socks that went up past her knees, very similar to his friend Serena in Kalos. She had a green and white backpack by her side too.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]The attractive girl was the first to notice us, Spike more than me.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Oh wow! What Pokémon is that?" She ran up to us and crouched down by Spike.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt] "That's my Chespin, Spike." I said this to her, but she still didn't look at me.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Chespin!" Spike gave a mock salute. I sighed. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Oh, he is soooo adorable!" She reached out to pet him, not realizing that his spines would stiffen [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]if she did.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Wait! Avoid the-[/SIZE]



    [SIZE=12pt]The girl had quickly retracted her hand, which a little prick in it from Spike.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I named him Spike for a reason."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Yea, I see that now. It's my fault for not asking first. Sorry."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I'm just glad he is a grass type and not a poison type, otherwise he'd be a mass murderer. My name is Jay."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]The girl laughed and stood up. "My name is Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz. I'm the daughter of [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]the professor. Nice to meet you! What Pokémon did you say Spike was?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]My first though was how could that old man spawn something so beautiful? The mom must have been gorgeous. Then I answered the question.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Spike is a Chespin."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"A Chespin! But I've never heard of those being around here. Where did you find him?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Spike and I are both from the Kalos region. We just moved here, my dad now works with your dad. Chespin are one the Kalos regions starter Pokémon."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Liz seemed baffled by this. "Whoa, you guys are from Kalos? What's it like there? What are the Pokémon like?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Before I could answer Liz's questions, my father and the professor came over.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Jay! How are you? How has the moving gone? Are you guys finished?" My father seemed like he cares, but he doesn't care enough to actually come home and check.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I'm good. We aren't done yet, but mom sent me to make sure you were coming home tonight. You are, right?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]My dad winced. "Sorry champ, I won't be home tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow for lunch!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Ah, okay." Typical. He certainly won't be back for lunch. "Well, I guess I'll go tell mom." I started to head out when someone called.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Jay, wait! I have something for you!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]I turned around to see the professor getting something. I walked back over.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"My name is Professor Birch. I saw you had a Chespin with you! Do you mind if I take a picture?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"No, go ahead. Spike loves cameras."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Great!" Spike smiled and flexed for the camera as Birch took pictures. "Have you ever thought [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]about going on a journey?" [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]I was taken aback by the question. "To be honest, I haven't. Why do you ask?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I'm in need of someone to help me fill this device that was given to me by professor Oak. It's called a Pokédex. It records all of the different type of Pokémon you see. I am looking for somebody to explore the region to fill this device up and help-"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Hey, scrub! Didn't realize you would still be here. Well that makes things easier."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel walked up next to me and looked at the professor. "Alright, I'll be your explorer. But I don't feel like learning how to use that weird Pokémon diary thing, and that's where you come in scrub. You up for traveling with me around the region?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]The professor, Liz, and my dad all looked baffled.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Jay, do you know this person?" My dad asked.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Yea, his name is Axel, he just moved here from Johto."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]The professor seemed to recognize home now. [/SIZE][SIZE=12pt]"Oh, you must be Alexander, Norman's kid! It's nice to meet you!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"First off, my name is Axel, not 'Alexander', secondly, yes you're right. So, are we good here?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"No we are not!" Liz exclaimed. Everyone turned to face her. "You both can't just walk in here and steal my adventure from me! I was supposed to go off and fill the Pokédex!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Sorry about ya, but first come, first serve! Alright, let's get ready Jay."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Wait a sec Axel." Axel turned to face me. "Why can't we all go? I mean, there's nothing stopping [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]all three of us from going."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel started to say something, then stopped.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"All right, scrub. You can bring your new friend. But if she's too slow, we are leaving her."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Please. You two are the ones who will drag me down. I've been preparing for this day for a long time." Liz said.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Professor Birch spoke up. "Alright then. Axel, Jay, Liz. You all want to help me fill up the Pokédex, by going on a journey. Well, I need to give you all something first. I can't let anyone go out on a journey without giving them a Pokémon, regardless of whether they have on already. So, I'll go get them. Liz can you explain the choices to Jay and Axel?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Sure. We have three types available, Grass, Fire, and Water. Treeko is our grass type. Torchic is our fire type. Mudkip is our water type."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Treeko! Dibs! I call dibs on Treeko!" I couldn't say it fast enough.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Both Axel and Liz looked at me. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Ok, Treeko's yours. Don't kill me over it, scrub."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Why Treeko? You already have an awesome grass type." Spike blushed at this.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I really love grass type Pokémon. They are my favorite. There isn't a bad grass type out there. So I know I will be good friends with Treeko. I hate two things a lot: change and awkward situations. And if there has to be change, then I'm going to try my hardest not to make it awkward."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel and Liz just looked at me like I had grown a third eye. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"You guys are looking at me like I'm a new person. Don't tell me you thought that I was just a [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]whiney person that didn't have any good talents or qualities. That would just be low of you."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Uhh... Of course not..." Liz stammered.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"You have impressed me many times today scrub. That was no exception." Axel said.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"On that note, I think I'll take Torchic. I always thought they were cute." Liz said.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Then I'll guess I'll take Mudkip." Axel seemed satisfied with his choice.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Professor Birch came out with the three Pokémon. "Have you all decided yet?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Yea," we said in unison.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I choose Treeko!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I'm taking Torchic."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Mudkip is with me." [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt] The professor then proceeded to let the Pokémon out, and handed us their respective pokeballs.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]And oh my god, Treeko was so swag! He was like a gecko (my favorite animal) that was a grass type (my favorite type)! Now, what to name him...[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I know, I'll name you Gecko! It's perfect!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Both Liz and Axel paused to stare.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Jay, I thought you said you loved grass types," said Liz.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"I do!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Then why would you name it something stupid like that? That's like me naming my Mudkip, [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"What's the problem with that?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Both Liz and Axel sighed.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Come on, scrub, I thought you were better than this. You're not supposed to name something what it is."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Fine. Well, how about Gilmer then? That's a real name!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Liz shook her head. "That sounds like a name you would give to an inanimate object in a video game. Chose something else."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Ugh. You two are impossible to please... What about... Um... Oh! I got it! What about Chad? [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]Does that meet your 'name standards'?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Yea, it does actually. That's a real name, that you might give a very strong Hispanic guy. Even though Treeko's not Spainish, I think it still fits," Liz said.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Alright!" I turned to Treeko. "What do you think? Is that fine with you?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Treeko gave me a slight nod, like a complete badass.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"So you name critiques, what did you name your Pokémon?"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Axel spoke first. "Meet Shaun, my new partner." Shaun gave a big, goofy smile.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"And this is Taylor, my Torchic!" Taylor (who is a female) blushed a little and scooted behind Liz.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Those are all great names," said the professor. "Now I recommend you head to Petalburg City [/SIZE][SIZE=12pt]first, and talk to one of my good friends there. I'll tell him you're on your way. He will help you make a goal for your journey."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Great. Now listen up you two. Get packed and get some sleep, cause we are leaving tomorrow morning." Axel seemed ready to leave now, but I guess he was just being kind to us.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]"Alright! I guess I'll see you both tomorrow then! I'll meet you by the entrance to the route then! Come on Spike, Chad. Let's go!"[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]We then walked back to our new house, and I told a lot about myself to Chad on the way back. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=12pt]So now, I packed all I had and went to bed.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]End of Chapter 1.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]Well, I hope you liked it so far! More Chapter's will come out soon, but they will slow down as winter break ends.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]If you have any comments, suggestions, questions, or criticisms, please leave a post or send me a PM! Don't forget to check me out on FanFiction![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=12pt]This is jedwards, signing off. [/SIZE]
  2. EverchangingArcadia

    Dec 24, 2014
    This story off the bat is, quite interesting really. I believe that I will begin to like it the more I read, as for now, I believe that it'll just get better over time. The characters really do seem interesting, and I got a bit iffy about Jay's character at first, not knowing what his attitude and like was at first, but I see him as the cheery, some what optimistic type. Maybe a bit naïve as well. I absolutely detest and love Axle at the same time due to his douche-like attitude, but he grows on me. Quite naughty he is, eh? (If my prediction is correct, and it never is, he might turn out to be one of those kids that has a parental problem. Something may have changed him in his past, and this might have been what made him this egotistical, (maybe) narcissistic person.) Elizabeth is, um... sassy at best, I would say.

    I think I'll stay here on Lake Valor to read your story. I believe that if your story is only read on the other website, why even put it here? I'll be part of the "fanbase" here on LV for your story, so good luck! And happy writing!

    PS: There is a grammatical error. "We did you find him?" is what I'm talking about. There are other errors, like spelling, but it's a start.
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. jedwards

    jedwards Youngster

    Dec 23, 2014
    Thanks for the review! I appreciate it a lot!

    Did you see any other grammatical errors? The one you pointed out was actually a really bad spelling error, I meant where instead of we.
    Thanks for reading!
  4. EverchangingArcadia

    Dec 24, 2014
    The first thing I saw when rereading it was that in Axel's introduction at the start before the story even began, he says "'journey's'" which would be fine if he meant "journey is" or establishing possession in the word, which wouldn't make any sense. Other errors include the non-capitalisation of the titles for people, such as you typing "professor Oak" instead of "Professor Oak" or "Prof. Oak"; there is also the word "Pokémon" or "Pokémon" instead of "Pokémon". There's another spelling error in "Chose something else" when Liz (and Axel) were very picky about Jay's creativity for naming.

    I also see that you never use "é" when writing the story, which might be a keyboard case. Other than those relatively minor errors, the story is great in my opinion and I enjoyed it.
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