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The Adventures of Ace Detective Cool and his Sidekick Assistant Mister Sir 44. Magnum.

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Ritzy, May 4, 2015.

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  1. Ritzy

    Ritzy Swimmer

    Apr 16, 2015
    Message from the author

    This story/stories have a unique humor. (If none at all. You may find it completely stupid and a waste of time. But if you read all the way though it I'll be happy.) If you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose. (I'll call you a liar) Tell me. More will be released. (As soon as my self confidence in writing returns to a moderate level.) Thank you

    Case 1: Ms. Dead...Is dead?

    The curtain raises. To reveal a disorganised and cluttered did office. Filled with smoke from some old cigarette butts still warm in a filled ashtray. You can see Ace Detective Cool leaning back in his old leather office chair, his feet crossed on top of his desk seeming to be resting his eyes. His show sidekick assistant, Mister Sir 44. Magnum (Sir 44. For short) resting on the same table. The phone blars to life. Ace Detective Cool in up in a second. Ahah! A case. He thinks picking up a phone. Suddenly a man burst through the door. A police officer with a phone up to his ear.

    "Ace Detective Cool. A women has been MURDERED in her home. We need you help!" The policeman speaks talking into the phone.

    Ace Detective Cool puts his finger in his other ear. Hoping to hear the voice better. "Wha...A wombat ate my burger?"

    The policeman does the same with his other ear. "Wait...My finger shed a tear?" Clearly confused. Again he says. "A women had been Mur-der-ed."

    Cool. Now clearly understand nods. "I'm on my way." He says coolly. As he drags along Sir 44.
    Hoping into his sleek and stylish 69' corvette stingway that he totally didn't steal. He was off.

    Five minutes later after an intense car chase with a notoriously horrible marijuana cult, The marijuanas, and there marijuana mobile (luckily Sidekick Assistant 44. Magnum was able to to shot the tires. Leaving them in all there druggieness to the cops) They had finally made it to the late women's oddly white mansion. Ace Detective Cool stepped inside. Showing all nearby cops his badge and heading to the crime scene.

    There he saw a gruesome sight. Ms. Dead...WAS DEAD! He was appalled by the sight. Dried blood surrounded her in a moderately some sized puddle. Sir 44. Stayed stonefaced as Ace Detective Cool investigated the crime. The only suspects where the ones in the home at the time. A man he could only presume to be Mr. Dead, a maid, the butler, and the chef.

    Cool snapped his fingers to the cop at the scene "Have you found the weapon?"

    The cop jolted to life. He had been playing mobile tetris. The fool! "Yes sir. We believe this knife was the weapon of murder." He said handing the knife over.

    Ace Detective Cool inspected the knife. He noticed something off. Holding the blade downwards he...Yes that's it. A drop of blood(?) Fell from the knife. Yet the blood from Ms. Dead was all dried. This was a fake to frame someone. Yet who? And where was the real weapon? Cool stroked his chin. He looked at the suspects. All seemed to be grieving the loss. Besides the husband and chef. Ace and Sir 44. Decided to question them.

    First the chef. "Did you murder Ms. Dead?" He asked bluntly. Sir 44. Trying his best to look intimidating.

    Some sweat rolled down the chef's forehead "Yo, yo. I swears I didn't." He stammered with the accent of a bosten hogdog vender.

    Ace had Sir 44. Back down "alright. Then explain this!" He said with a rasied voice at the man. Raising the knife into view.

    The bosten chef was shocked "Tiffany? Wh...who would covor strawberry sauce on your beautiful blade?" He said with dying passion. He snatched the Knife was Ace Detective Cool's hand and...and started licking the blade. Sir 44. Looked at Cool questionly.

    "Now, now Sir 44. We must not mess with true love." He said leaving the room. That left only one suspect. But the murder weapon was still missing.

    Entering the crime scene once again . Cool had it all figured out. It had been all to simple. The murder, the case, the weapon and ther murderer.

    Walking in front of the fireplace he began to make his deduction. "I, have sloved the case of Ms. Dead." He said calmly. Facing the group. "And the murderer is in this very room. Along with the weapon." He said. Looking at each person individually.

    "Spit it out already!" Screamed the maid and butler simultaneously.

    Waving a finger in front of him he said. "Tiss the case to easy. The murder weapon is right here!" He yelled reaching behind him into the fireplace and grapping the poker. Alas! The top was drenched in dried burnt blood!

    "But how?" Blurted Mr. Dead. Quickly covering his mouth with his hands. The group eyes him suspiciously.

    Cool grinned. "All to easy. Your alibi was simply the fact of you being in your study. Yet we've searched your entire house. And no room has come close to being a study. Besides this one! My proof? That!" He pointed the poker to a plaid chair. It slowly turned.


    The room gasped. The husband fell to his knees "Why...why whisktoferson? We had a deal. All the kitty kibble. For you to stay quiet. How Cool? How?"

    "It was simple really. Mister sir 44. Has his way of...changing...cats." Said Cool. Smiling sheepishly. "Yes. The true murderer of Ms. Dead was you Mr. Dead!" Finishing his deduction.

    Mr. Dead looked up confused. "But...I'm not dead."

    Cool looked down at the man. "Well my sidekick assistant mister sir 44. Magnum says otherwise! Kablooge!"

    For yes. The husband had commented teason. For the late misses Dead had been none other then Miss. Hillary Romney Obama herself. The president of the U.S.A. Sadly. Mister Gorge Mitt Obama only wanted the 6 million in life insurance to pay off the debt he had with the same drug cult Cool had foiled that very day. And her would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for ACE DETECTIVE COOL AND HIS SIDEKICK ASSISTANT MISTER SIR 44. MAGMUN!!!!

    The cutains close.
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Derahex likes this.
  2. Derahex

    Nov 14, 2014
    This is actually not that bad. I love absurd humor. I hope to hear more of your tales, Ace Detective Cool.

    ...The shady man said, going down the long spiral staircase out The Detective's office, and down to the helipad where he took his private helicopter, nearly hitting the curtain on his way off-stage.
    Ritzy likes this.
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