The dumbest thing you've ever heard anyone say

When I tried to tutor a first former at my school on their math homework, this is the conversation we had:

Spoiler

Kid: "Where did you get the twelve from?!"

Me: "See, 3x by 4 equals 12x."

Kid: "Ohh Okay. So what about this other coefficient?"

Me: "4x by 2 is equal to 8x; subtract that from "12x and you are left with 4x."

Kid: "Why do you subtract it?"

Me: "... Well, because a positive multiplied by a negative equals a negative."

Kid: "Ah."

Me: "Okay, then, can you do the rest?"

Kid: "Yeah I think so, but can I ask you one more question?"

Me: "Go ahead."

Kid: "Where did you get the twelve from?"

*SCREAMS INTERNALLY

 

So a kid in my class said, "I'm glad I'm not a tree because I would be tired of those damn squirrels putting nuts inside me."

I couldn't help but laugh.

 

"Businesses don't create jobs."

-Hillary Clinton (2014)

Even dumber than that is probably this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76CqijPNGSk

 

'If we're honest, most of us would accept that a bad boss is a little bit like a bad father or a bad husband ... you find that he tends to do more good than harm. He might be a bad boss but at least he's employing someone while he is in fact a boss.' - Tony Abbott

 

In fifth grade:

Girl: "I don't get it."
Teacher: "Get what?"
Girl: "All of it."
Teacher: "We haven't even started."

 

"What do people even do in Africa? Don't they all live in the woods?" - My mom, seriously

 

"I thought Alexander the Great was a country."
--Dylan, a friend from my eighth grade class.

Biology Teacher: "What, in a plant cell, holds it all together?"
Dylan: "Gravity!"

What is funny is that usually Dylan is a genius, but he has moments where he speaks without thinking at all and this happens.

 

"Wait, is India an Asian country?" - some kid in my geog class. I cannot believe I go to this school sometimes.

 

Wait a second, India is in Asia.

 

"Wait, why is Austrailia next to Germany?"
"That's Austria."

 

Oh my god my dad says THE dumbest and most random things on a daily basis! Here are some examples, and remember, he says these out of the blue:

'Purple Daisies!'
'My mustache smells funny'
'HOLY CRAP!' *me and pappaw look over in horror* 'what?!' dad looks at us. 'A ferrari!'
'blahblahblahblahblah hey, someone slid off the road there blahblahblahblahblah'

Those are just a few things. The ferrari thing, the way he yelled, me and pappaw thought someone got run over! But he'll be in the middle f saying something, then say the random thing out of nowhere, then continue rambling on about whatever he was talking about. It's pretty funny.

 

I feel like that's the kind of Dad I would be XD

 

This sounds like something out of an abridged... Hilarious!

Hmm, probably this.
"So, Britannia takes over almost the entire world and yet everyone speaks Japan. Logic!"
Now who said th--- Oh wait... that was me...

 

Teacher: "Jordan, can you please explain why you punched this girl, took her phone, and wrapped it in tape?"

Jordan: "Becuase YOLO."

I laughed so hard I was late for class.

 

"I spilled my Mocha all over my Ugg Boots! Now I need to buy a new pair."

"Like totally like oh my gosh, did you totally like know that like I'm really like totally perf at working out. I like walk from my car to Starbucks everyday afterschool. Its like totally 100 yards which is like totally so much."

 

"All you do in marching band is hold instruments up and walk around, it's nothing special."

Deep breaths... deep breaths...

 

Modern World History

My classmate Lauren: "Who's Jesus?"

 

I remember overhearing someone say they had 'a headache in their knee' and was positively amazed to say the least
A headache
In their knee
????