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The Melancholy of the Demon Lord Sai.

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Shada, Jul 8, 2015.

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  1. Shada

    Shada netflix binging

    Level 7
    Mar 12, 2015
    Repel ★Charizardite X ★★★★Gardevoirite ★★★★Galladite ★★★★Bottle Cap ★★★★★
    A/N- I've been working on a original story lately, and I must say, I love this plot to bits. I'd love advice on this, so please gimme all of your advice!
    Also note that Saphir flowers are not real. And Sai sleeps too much.

    The Castle was a mess. Lightning struck in the area around every five minutes, and the rain was not going to let out anytime soon. Half of the French windows in the castle were open, and rain was slowly making its way in the castle. But none of the hundreds of maids were trying to make the castle perfect, as they usually do; rather they were rushing around the castle, looking for a specific someone. But where was this someone?
    "Lord Sai! Lord Sai, please come back!"
    A blonde maid ran into the throne room, and saw that the room has not a soul in it, and even if it did, it had left long ago. Anything that had lived in that place before had been gone for a long time. There was a small folded piece of paper, along with the crown on the throne; and before the maid could even touch the letter, she broke down in tears. Other maids ran into the room, and saw the letter, and started breaking down into tears as well.

    "H-he's really gone, isn't he?" The maid wept, seeing that her master had really left the castle for good.

    A black haired, black-eyed man, who looked no-older than 28 was staring at the sky, and put his hand up to cover the burning sun. The man lay down, still with his hand blocking the mid-day sun. He then sighed.
    His blond haired, blue-eyed companion sat next to him, not looking fazed after the long walk they've had today. The blonde spoke, crafting only the gentlest words to talk to his lord. "Sire, would you like to rest here?"
    The double black sighed. "Just a little break here, nothing much Cecil."
    Cecil smiled, as his lord and Cecil were walking for a long while, since they couldn't use their wings. After all, they were in human-land now, and anything suspicious could end in their death. But Cecil kept thinking, why would my lord be interested in human lands?
    Sai spoke, "If we really go to war with humans all that often, then why do they seem so peaceful?"
    "Most humans are not trained for war sire, but they have a fear of demons in their hearts."
    "So basically if the army could get through the border without being detected, just like we did, we could eliminate them already."
    "Yes sir." Was my lord trying to get into human lands because of strategy for battles? He could have made his countless generals do it for him, so why us two?
    "Hmm, it seems we aren't that far from where I want to go."
    Cecil looked a bit worried. Were they going to a town? Wait, how did his lord know about this place? Wasn't he stuck in the castle all the time? "Sire, are we going to go back to your throne anytime soon? The entire kingdom is searching for you, so we should head back, shouldn't we?"
    Sai stared at Cecil,"Eh? We're heading there. But not that castle."
    Cecil burst out in curiosity, "A castle? In human lands? Sire, when did you have a castle here?" He immediately covered his mouth, to be that ill-mannered in front of his master, 'twould be such a disgrace!
    The young master laughed. "It's fine Cecil. I'm just glad I could trust you enough that I could go on this trip. Now as for the castle, I remember my father taking me here as a kid, and I want to relax in a house when there's no-one to pester me about politics and wars. The only sad part is that I can't use my wings all that often." He now put his hand down, and stopped reminiscing about the past, well for now.
    "Lord Sai, you're still a kid."
    "So being 128 is a kid? You're an old man Cecil."
    "At 726, indeed I am an old man."
    "Cecil, can you take watch?" Cecil nodded, as he watched his young master take a blissful nap.
    When we he going to face reality? The old king was dead; he died 50 years ago, and was the day that Sai ascended to the throne. He never wept, or talked about his father, King Asher. So why would he bring this up now? When are we going back to the castle? When I think about it, Sai was still so young, only 78 at the time, when he took the throne, as the oldest, and only son of the late Demon King Asher. Looking back on it, he was a huge daze back then when he first was king; there was so much to do, but so little time!
    Sai woke up, and yawned, like he never took a nap at all! He looked at Cecil who was half-asleep, and shook him awake. "Hey, Cecil, I know you took a little nap, and I think we can make it to the castle before night-fall."
    In a half sleepy tone, Cecil replied, "We can~?"
    "Yep!" Cecil and Sai started walking north, making it deeper and deeper into human lands, as the sun slowly started to fade away. Now, Sai and Cecil were on top of a mountain at sunset, and stared around the area. Below the mountain was a very big town, and not far from that town was the castle that Sai was talking about.
    "Lord Sai, how are we going to get to the castle? We can't pass through town; they'll know we are demons!"
    "How will they know that? If you just follow my directions, then we can get through town, and if you want, disguise ourselves as locals."
    "L-locals? L-lord Sai?"
    "Of course, if you want, since it's getting close to night-fall, we can just fly over town, and risk getting shot by these humans, if you want."
    Cecil bowed down in front of his master. "I will protect you no matter what happens, lord Sai."
    Sai smiled, and said "Let's depart!"
    The village was about to close its doors for the day, as today had been a long trading day when two strangers came in from the mountains. They didn't seem like traders, rather more like nobles, and the village was more curious than ever.
    The village elder walked in front of them, a man with a cane, and beyond wise in age and looks was staring them down. A double black and a blonde? They were only here to bring trouble, but they couldn't be demons.
    "Hey there! We are just people passing from town to town, but I don't know why there's so much commotion for just 2 people."
    The elder sighed, and quickly gave a tap on the ground with his cane, and in that moment, the villagers all went in their homes. "Where are you headed to?"
    Sai pointed up, in which he could see the castle of his child-hood. "That castle up there."
    The elder laughed. "You're going to have no luck with that castle up there. That castle's been abandoned for years. You can't even get through the door, that's how strong of a barrier it is. I'm not going to even mention the mini-forest that's there, as you're probably already aware of that."
    "That castle's been in my family for ages, I have the key."
    "A double black's castle? I warn you now, your hair and your eyes sparked the village's attention, and there are already rumors of you being demons. I know this isn't true, but this village likes to gossip a lot."
    "I see. If anything happens, we will take caution of that, and alert you immediately." Sai and Cecil left, and after all the villagers were out of sight, Sai ran to the castle of his child-hood, and was admiring the scenery; after all, so much had changed!
    Cecil ran up to catch up to his master, but no matter how fast he could run, his master was too fast. It had been ages since he'd seen his master so happy, and Cecil couldn't contain his smile, as when his king was happy, he was happy too. He had finally caught up to his master when he was finished removing the seal that had stopped trespassers, but there was something lying on the floor near Sai.
    Cecil took out his hidden sword, and was about to slash that certain something near his lord. Cecil advanced towards this thing, and Sai screamed, "Stop!"
    If anything dare try to touch his lord, he would cut it without hesitation. But why did his lord tell him to stop? Cecil put his hidden sword back in his gold scabbard, and smelt the scent of a decaying corpse. By the scent of it, like most demons could tell, it was probably a woman. But what was she killed by? Cecil looked at Sai. What in the world was his lord holding? It seemed, like it was a baby!
    "My lord, put that human thing down."
    Sai looked at Cecil with disbelief. "It's a baby, Cecil. We can't just leave it to die!"
    Cecil hissed," It's a human! Give it back to the town, where it belongs!"
    Sai smiled. "Nope, rather, I'm thinking of keeping her. After all, don't humans grow up quick? "

    Cecil sighed. His word was the command. "Yes, my lord."

    Chapter 1- Sara: The Girl Who Could Not Stop Crying

    Sai walked around his old castle, and looked disgusted about most of the castle while carrying the young girl. It was filled of moss, and dust to the point that he got annoyed. "This place is a dump!"
    "Lord Sai, no-one has been in this place for one-hundred years, what did you expect?"
    "It should've been a bit cleaner, but we'll clean it up."
    "Lord Sai, allow me to clean it up! Please, don't get your hands dirty sire."
    "This place won't get clean for a long time with just one person cleaning it, but I know you're great at everything Cecil, but I'd like to help you." He now looked at the sleeping baby with a smile, as he was the new father of this baby.
    "Sire, do you want a specific room cleaned up first? Like King Asher's room?"
    "No, I'd like my mother's room cleaned up first, thanks." Sai put up a fake smile, the same smile Cecil knew was truly fake.
    "I see. I'll finish it as soon as possible, so you can rest."
    "Alright, But before I dismiss you, I'd like to give this child a name, but I don't have any name to give her."
    "L-lord Sai, you want me to name her?"
    "I just want name suggestions."
    "Don't you have any names planned for any of your future kids, well once you get a wife?"
    "Well, yea, but I want to give her something like a human name."
    "A-a human name?! Oh don't tell me this vacation we are going to act like humans in a castle, sire."
    Sai sighed. "Nope, it kind of ended like that. Our plan was to originally be here for a couple days, but I didn't know there was a human town here, and then we got Sara, so we'll just have to deal with that. No big deal. But anyways, I'd love to give her a name."
    Cecil put his palm on his face, astounded. "So we are going to act like humans." Cecil sighed. His master was crazy, and he expected as such. "Why not name her after yourself?"
    Sai gave a quick chuckle. "What, Sai the second? Although my father gave me somewhat of a human name, I'm pretty sure every human who has that name has changed it, due to fear that I'd come and find them. Anyway, as for name, I've been thinking of the name Mana."
    "How about the name Sara?"
    "I like that name way better." Sai looked at the baby, who was magically still asleep, and said softly to it, "Your name is now Sara! Yay! ~"
    "Lord Sai, if you'd allow me to start cleaning."
    "Before I dismiss you this time, I'd like you to find a crib for Sara. I believe you can find that somewhere in my mother's room. Make sure it's clean, I don't want any dust on it, or anything that can make her sick!" Sai handed the baby to Cecil.
    Cecil carefully took the baby out of his lord's hands. "Understood sire."
    Sai brought out his wings; after all, no human could see his jet-black wings at this time of night anyway. He flew to the garden, which was overgrown with weeds, and huge forest trees. It was like a forest inside a forest, once you really thought about it. Sai started to create gusty winds, which would destroy the weeds, and the overgrown roots. He now dug some holes, which were going to be used for seeds.

    Now that all the overgrown Weeds and tree roots were all in one pile, which he told himself that he'd get rid of tomorrow, Sai took out something in his pocket, which was a small pouch of some sort. There were seeds in this pouch; all from the castle. Sai treasured these seeds, as he was told as a kid that these Saphir flowers would grow quickly. Saphir flowers are really a sight to behold, as they're like roses, but with a sapphire like tint to them. He put all of the flowers into their respected places, and smiled.

    The young double black prince started to weep. "Mom! All of the flowers are withered!"
    Sai's mother smiled, and was now holding him. "Its ok sweetie, we are going to get these replaced with Saphir flowers."
    The young Sai wiped his tears, "Saphir flowers?"
    "Yep! These flowers are magical, there's a fairy tale, when you plant these flowers, and sing a song, and they say true love will find their way to you."
    "True love? Let me try!"
    "Whoa, there sweetie. This song has to be made from you, and it has to be straight from the heart, ok?"
    The young Sai smiled."So I'll find true love?"

    "If you sing the right song, these flowers will guide you there."

    Sai looked at the flowers, and only wished that they'd grow, quick. Not that he'd want to find his true love, or did he secretly in his heart? There were always tons of beautiful demon nobles trying to court him, but he denied them all. What's so wrong with adopting an heir in the first place?
    Well, anyways, the garden was finished, and it was looking to be sometime near day-break. He sighed, as he saw two of one thing, and he knew it was time for bed. He walked all the way around the old castle, and went into his mother's room. He stood there shocked, as the room was sparkling, like no dust ever touched it in the first place! Sai looked for Cecil, who was fast asleep right next to Sara's crib, where she was sleeping sound fully.

    He threw Cecil softly on to the bed, and lay on the bed, and within a moment, was fast asleep.

    Asher chuckled as he went through Sai's lush black hair. "You'll be a great father someday, Sai, I just know it!"
    Sai whined. "But father, what happens if I don't want an heir?"
    "What-do-you-mean no heir? Of course you'll have an heir."
    Sai then smiled. "Will you be happy to see my grand-son or grand-daughter then?"
    Asher smiled, and let go of Sai's hair. "With you as a double black, and us being practically immortal, I see no problem of not being happy to see your kids! "

    Sai jumped in excitement. "That's good to hear father!"

    Cecil was shaking Sai "Lord Sai! Lord Sai, would you please wake up!"
    Sai slowly opened his eyes, only to find the pink sheets were covered in tears, and his ears were ringing of a baby crying. "Hmm? Oh, it's just you Cecil. Can't you let me sleep a bit longer?"
    Cecil screamed in horror. "Sara's dying!"
    "W-what?"Sai jolted awake from his bed, and ran to the crib. Sai was about to smack Cecil for waking him up at a time like this, but then again, he'd have to take responsibility for this. "No she's not, ya idiot. She's hungry!"
    Cecil poked at her cheek, but to no avail. "Can't she eat herself?"
    "No, she can't. Human babies are too weak to eat by themselves. They either need milk, or baby solution."
    Cecil blushed in horror. "M-milk? You mean from t-there?" He pointed to where he was disgusted to even think about.
    Sai nodded. "That's the only way."
    "Lord Sai! Please don't do this!"
    Sai chuckled. "What, I feed the baby?"
    "Please, Lord Sai, please summon a Succubus or something!"
    "Bleh, I don't like those things. And plus, what would happen if those Succubae would tell someone where we are?"
    Cecil was still annoyed. "That is true, but how do we feed the baby?"
    Sai went through the dresser doors, which weren't far from the crib, and picked out a bottle. "With this."
    "Isn't that a bottle?"
    "We put milk in here, the baby drinks it, and call this case a day. After all, this mystery is solved!"
    "Where do we get milk sire?"
    "In town. And go get some food for us too."

    "I see. I'll go get some right away. Give me about 30 minutes." Cecil ran off, and left Sai with a crying baby. Sai hugged the baby tight-but not so tight, and slowly wiped down Sara's tears. "I know you're hungry, but you'll have to bear the pain of all of this for now. But in the future, I will make sure that you'll never feel this pain of being hungry again, ok?" The baby continued to roar in hunger pains, and Sai did his best to rock the baby to sleep, and Sara fell asleep.

    Strange murmurs were throughout the town, as they saw the blonde man running, like time was a-part of his life. "Oh look, it's the stranger from before!"
    Gossiping teenage girls were at the corner of the town, where they had first met the elder. "What is he doing in town?"
    "Do you know where to find baby-solution? And food, I need a merchant who can has both items. As for the baby solution, please don't ask about that."
    The young teenage girls chuckled at what he needed, and Cecil could hear them whispering to each other, "Does he really have a kid in that castle?"
    Cecil sighed. "Can you please bring me to a merchant who would have this? It's urgent." The youngest girl in that group took his hand and politely, if it wasn't a whisper said, "This way." They walked up to another old man with a cane, which Cecil doubted that he had the items necessary for a baby, but behind the old man, there was just about everything he needed. Perfect. Cecil looked at the young lady, and thanked her. "Thanks young miss!"
    She blushed, and then walked away.
    "Excuse me mister, would you have something called baby powder, or solution, or whatever it's called? Oh, yes, I also need provisions for about a week as well."
    The old man pointed with his cane to the baby powder, and then pointed the opposite way for the provisions. "That'd be about 30 gold altogether. Is that fine by you?"
    Cecil took out a pouch of cash, and gave him 30 gold, and packed the stuff into his bag. "I'm in a rush, so I'm in no-mood to bargain. I'll take it." Cecil nodded at the merchant, and ran off.The merchant chuckled with his cane. He hadn't made that good of a deal in ages, and he hoped to do it again, after all, that blonde seemed to be rich. But once you really think about it, there weren't any real rich people in town. So just who was he?

    Once Cecil came, he overhauled himself with gallons of baby solution, and food for the next week. Sai instructed him to heat up the bottle with some magic, but with precise instructions not to make the milk too hot, or too cold. The baby slowly woke up, and was fed, and in due time went back to sleep.

    "What's your plan today lord Sai?"
    "I plan to bury Sara's mother in the garden, and finally clean up my father's room. As for my mother's room, that will be Sara's room, and my father's room shall be my room. I'm going to make your room my old room. If, that's fine with you, I mean."
    "I-in the garden? Shouldn't you bury her outside of the castle? We really can't put her in the same place as the beautiful garden of the great demon king, correct? "
    "Sara is a part of our family now, and her mother should be respected."
    Cecil ended his insolence with a bow, and escorted himself out of the room. "Understood."

    Sai took the old roots, and tree bits he could find, and fashioned it with the help of some magic into a coffin. He then took the rotten corpse of Sara's mother, and put her slowly in there. He then went in the middle of the garden and dug up a huge hole, which he put her in. He then put back the soil in the hole, and took a couple of stones and put it on top of the grave.

    Sai pointed to the hole in the ground, and saw that today, everyone was wearing black at the castle. Sai tugged his dad's black outfit, the one he wore every day, but noticed something was a bit different about it today. "Daddy? Why is mommy going in there?"
    King Asher looked at his child, and started crying. But it wasn't just a silent tear. It was loud sobbing that everyone could hear; which made everyone stare at him. "She won't wake up."
    Sai shook his head. "Why not? Aren't we supposed to live long lives?"

    He said the next few words with utter disgust. "A human infiltrated our castle, and murdered her. "
    "What's murder?" He had never seen his father cry like this before, and now, he started to have tears in his eyes seeing him like this.
    "That means we can't see mommy anymore." Sai then took a moment to realize what he said, and he started crying aloud.

    He now called that a day, as Sai wiped the hot sweat from his face. He now went into his father's room, which was perfectly adjacent from his mother's room, and started cleaning that up, but just about everything in there had some sentimental value. Sai dusted off the doors, and slowly cleaned up the room.
    It had been a couple of hours since Sara last fell asleep, and he was started to get worried. But at that moment, Sara started crying again, and Sai ran to Sara's room. He took her out of the crib, and sang a couple of songs, but all to no avail.
    Sai thought, what could possibly be wrong? She probably needed some fresh air. He ran to Cecil, who was now fixing the old-dining room, which seemed just about fixed. The old dusty mahogany table looked just about new, along with the silver stationary sets. There were no traces of moss like before, and even the room smelled better than before.
    "Hey, Cecil, I'm going out for a flight."
    "Wait, what? You can't! Humans will find us, and kill us! We just got here the other day, and I don't know any secret escape routes in this castle!"
    "I'll be careful. Plus, Sara needs some fresh air, so I'm doing it for her." He looked at the crying baby and slowly wiped her tears.
    "But how about if this human has enough memory that you have wings?"
    "She won't. At around a year, she's too young to remember."
    "Fine, but be careful. Please, if anything happens to my master, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."
    Sai went to the garden outside, and took out his wings. Sara stared at Sai, and with the tons of curiosity that she had, she stopped crying. Sai slowly flew up, and carried Sara tightly. He went for a flight around the castle about 3 times, and Sara looked like she was in a trance. She started smiling, and laughing. Sai saw this and smiled.

    Sai slowly flew down, due to him being tired, but Sara was as awake as he was when he jolted awake earlier in the day. If only she could take a nap. But doesn't he have Cecil to watch her? Sai walked to Sara's room, and put her back in the crib, this time with a couple of toys, to keep her busy and took a nap, that he thought lasted forever.

    Chapter 2- Bath time? Or not.
    Sai awoke to the sound of the billionth lullaby he's heard this week. They say that humans grow up quickly, but when would this thing grow up? Sai slowly got out of bed, and saw Cecil playing with Sara.
    "My lord, I've just finished cleaning up the restrooms, so if you would take Lady Sara for a bath-"
    "Lady Sara, Cecil? That's unlike you to say that, after all, she's just a human, after all."
    He gave a quick nod to Sara. "She is your adopted-daughter, so it's only nice to treat her with respect sire."
    "It took you a while to finally accept her, but I'm glad that you did."
    Cecil gave a quick nod. "So sire, are you going to give her a bath?"
    Sai chuckled. "What? Me?"
    Cecil nodded again. "She's your child."
    Sai sharply spoke. "But shouldn't the servant do it? I hereby command you Cecil to give her a bath!"
    He stared at Sai with a full on death-glare. "You'll have to watch then."
    Sai blushed. "What? Why me?!"
    "This is your child, and as king, you should know how to give your child a bath."
    "Haven't you bathed women before?"
    Cecil blushed. "I have, yes, but that doesn't mean I've bathed a human."
    "What's the difference? You're still bathing a woman. "
    "Fine. I'll go with you." Cecil and Sai walked to the bathroom where Cecil took off the clothes that Sara was wearing, and with all of the dignity he had, Sai couldn't look at his daughter. He covered his eyes with his hand, and didn't dare opening them. Cecil slowly washed Sara, making sure that water, soap and shampoo didn't get into her eyes; after all, she was still a fragile child.

    Sara didn't show any signs of crying; rather she seemed happy that she was getting cleaned.

    Sai was running from servants when he bumped into his father, but this was really just another day in the castle. "Dad! I hate baths! Tell these servants to stop!"
    Asher picked him up and smelt him, and Sai's scent was going to burn his insides sooner or later. He put Sai down. "You have to have a bath Sai."
    Asher sighed "To stay royal and clean. Otherwise, someone might mistake you for a peasant and kick you out of the castle."
    Sai was shocked. "K-kick me out?"
    "It's a pleasure to even have baths; the peasant's don't have an elegant bath like us."

    "Really? Then I'll take a shower as much as possible!"

    Sai left the room, and went to do some final touches on his room. He saw a portrait of his mother and father, and then figured that Sai, Cecil and Sara should have a portrait for themselves as well. He kept that well in thought as he went through his father's closet.

    All he could see were royal robes, and fancy outfits, with were mostly fancy London styled suits, which half of them being with ruffles. Sai's father, King Asher loved ruffles on his clothes, and not a day passed without Sai seeing them on him.
    Sai then changed into a simple suit with ruffles.

    Sai looked into his father's long blood-red hair. "Dad?"
    Although he looks brute, and mean, doesn't mean he was mean to Sai. He replied in the nicest tone possible, "Yes son?"
    Sai poked at his new black suit, that had a ruffles instead of a tie. "Why do you like ruffles?"
    The Demon King chuckled. "Is there a problem about it?"
    Sai shook his head. "No, there's no problem about it, I was just wondering why, that's all."
    "Well, the reason I like ruffles, is because tie's are too tight at times, and your mother wants me to wants me to wear ties, so this was the next best thing."
    "Do you think I'll wear ruffles in the future?"
    Asher patted the young Sai's head. "Didn't that dumb servant of yours make a suit of ruffles already?"
    Sai smiled when Asher said that he was a dumb servant. "Nope, but I'll tell him to!"
    Asher yelled out of nowhere, knowing that Cecil could hear him, "Cecil! Come here!"
    Cecil ran from what he was doing and ran straight to the demon king's chamber, with a bit of nervousness; as it looked like King Asher wasn't happy. "Yes, my king?"
    "The next suit you'll make will have ruffles. After all, a demon king and his son should match, right?"

    He bowed."Yes, Milord," And then hurried off to clean up the demon castle.

    Sai looked for clothes for the young Sara in the guest room, and was surprised to find tons of clothes for girl babies! (There seemed like there was enough clothes for Cecil as well.) There was also enough silk and fabric for Cecil to make other dresses, so there was no need to worry about that. Sai transferred the clothes from the closet to their new rooms.
    Cecil finished cleaning up Sara, as she was beyond dirty, and it was like a transformation happened. From a young dirty peasant, it looked like she was fit to be called a princess, which she was. She was wearing a beautiful pink dress, and lovely matching shoes to match for the occasion.
    "Lord Sai, I'll leave Sara to you, I want to fix the kitchen so you can get a proper meal for tonight." Cecil then left the room. Sai fed Sara, and played with her in the refurbished dining room, in which it seemed like a few seconds, but actually eternity.
    "Do you like our castle, my little Sara?"
    She nodded, like she could understand and said "Ya."
    Sai immediately hugged Sara, and ran to Cecil with her. "Cecil! Cecil! Sara's growing up!"
    Cecil responded quickly, and diligently. "Does that mean we can go home now?"
    "Nope! Not 'till Sara grows up! But anyways, look at her! She spoke her first word today! Look, Sarah can you talk?"
    Cecil wasn't paying attention, and was cleaning the bronze cooking pot, "It's too early for her to talk, and she's only about a year old."
    Sara said what she had said earlier. "Ya." Immediately Cecil dropped his bronze pot that he was cleaning on his feet, and was crying in pain, but with a smile on his face. "Once she learns how to talk fully, we'll need to get her a tutor".
    Sai pointed to Cecil. "What tutor? You're the tutor."
    Cecil started to whine, "Why me?"
    Sai hated when any of his servants complain to him, as he was probably the worst person for advice. "Because I said so?"
    Cecil smiled. "It's fine, because I was going to do it anyway sire."
    Sai smiled. "That's good to hear."

    Throughout the next month, the castle was looking cleaner and cleaner every day, just like if it was brand new! Cecil made more trips into town, and sometimes he took his master and his daughter with him. The gossip didn't end there, though.
    As for Sara, she started to grow rapidly, learning new words, and was slowly getting her teeth in place. And then, she started walking out of the blue! Sooner or later, she'd probably find out that we're her adopted parents, but all she needed now was to start her 'school'.

    Well, how was it so far? I'll be uploading the other chapters in due time, so I hoped you enjoyed!

    Edit- It's too much to post it all together on one post, so the other chapters are posted below if you'd like to read!~
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Eclipse

    Level 82
    Apr 3, 2015
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    Ah, good, an original work here. I haven't seen one of those in a while, and I tend to prefer them because they're easier to grasp and require no prior knowledge of the topic. Thus, this warrants a further reading.
    Though I have this strange feeling I might have seen a plot like this before somewhere. It's bizarre, but I can't quite place my finger on it. Ah well, not a bother.

    As is my custom, first I shall go through the various grammar slips that I noticed, then conclude with my overall view on the piece. (I won't comment on the minor bits like possible word choice or comma/semicolon placement, as those don't really detract from the story.)

    In this statement, the narrator swaps from 3rd person speech (his lord) into 1st person (my lord). In a few sentences after that, it starts switching back and forth again between the two, particularly with those two phrases. I assume that they're all supposed to be in 3rd person, though switching like that mid-thought is very disorienting.

    I believe the phrase you're looking for is " 'twould be such a disgrace ". 'tis is a contraction for 'it is', and certainly not the only words in archaic English to be abbreviated thus. Thus, " 'tis were such a disgrace " would literally be "it is were such a disgrace", which doesn't make any sense. " 'twould be such a disgrace " is literally "it would be such a disgrace", which I believe is what you were going for.

    How much time actually passes between when Sai starts his nap and when he wakes up? As there's no spaces or pauses between the lines - only the prior paragraph is any indicator of the time - it makes it sound like the nap was only a few minutes long.

    This is a totally unrelated note, but as I read this I am reminded of "Doom: Repercussions of Evil" for some odd reason.

    This sounds odd enough to be potentially racist, though I will admit that I've never heard of black hair plus black eyes as 'double black' before.

    I sense Sai's act will get them all into more trouble than they ever would have dreamt of.

    This is just a minor silly comment, though I think you might want to put the word 'while' right before 'carrying'. Without it, the phrase placement makes it sound like the castle is carrying the young girl - which is quite silly, albeit humorous.

    The word 'a' doesn't need to be there.

    Heheh, he is way too into this child-rearing thing.

    I think the word you're looking for is 'soundly'.

    Two paragraphs later, Sai and Cecil have hereby become The Odd Couple. Cecil is such a dolt, as immediately proven by his subsequent forgetting that he has no mammary glands.

    The singular is 'succubus'. The word you used (which is usually spelt 'succubi') is the plural. In the next sentence you used that word just fine, however.

    ...wait, back up a bit. The corpse was Sara's mother? I'm surprised to note this, as there's absolutely no hint of the corpse's identity from before. It does make sense to be such, but there were no details given about it. Perhaps a hint early on about a feature or two about it? Then again, if it was beginning to decay, features might be indistinguishable. But if that's the case, how did the baby remain alive for that long?

    On a side note, the subsequent funeral flashback reminds me a lot of the funeral scene in Dragon Warrior III, where the child innocently asks "Mommy, why is Daddy in a box? Is he going somewhere?" The more you think about it, the more tragic it becomes. And, yes, the father was murdered.

    Shouldn't it be "awoke to the sound"? Also, I think the other word should be "he'd", not "he's", since it's a past participle (lullaby he had heard this week).

    I'll admit it. I laughed at this and the ensuing dialogue. I actually laughed. They are truly the Odd Couple.

    I think the first 'with' is supposed to be a 'which', right?

    "It's not just any castle. It's a DEMON castle." And now I must hold a flashlight up under my face.

    Yes, there are lots of clothes for girl babies! And Cecil.
    The next ten lines are so are basically the comedic stylings of Sai and Cecil. And then the timeskip I was waiting to see eventually at the end.

    :::: ::::

    I liked it. I genuinely liked it. It's just serious enough to warrant the reader's attention, yet just humorous enough to keep it. Watching Sai and Cecil bumble and quarrel with each other like that was amusing, like they were always taking very subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) jabs at each other, was very entertaining.

    I'm curious to see where this will end up, truly. For now I do have two lingering questions in my mind: First, how did Sara's mother end up near the castle and dead, and how did Sara manage to survive that long after the fact? Second, why is Sai encountering flashbacks of his childhood, and will they serve a later purpose, such as leading up to an important event?

    It was a fair bit of reading to wade through, but you've intrigued me. Fantastic job.
    Shada likes this.
  3. Shada

    Shada netflix binging

    Level 7
    Mar 12, 2015
    Repel ★Charizardite X ★★★★Gardevoirite ★★★★Galladite ★★★★Bottle Cap ★★★★★
    @[member="Eclipse"] Thank you so much!~~~
    When it comes to writing, sometimes I really have a hard time with Point of View, as it always switches, and the next thing you know, someone else notices it before I do. That also goes with grammar, spell check and my random commas doesn't make it that much better.

    I've fixed everything that you've spotted, so it should be good now! Thanks again for that!~
    I also want to answer your questions so badly, but they'll sorta be answered sooner or later~~
  4. Shada

    Shada netflix binging

    Level 7
    Mar 12, 2015
    Repel ★Charizardite X ★★★★Gardevoirite ★★★★Galladite ★★★★Bottle Cap ★★★★★
    For those reading the story, here's the next 3 chapters!~
    Chapter 3
    Chapter 3- The Garden.
    Sai was looking at an old photo album from 7 years ago, and was looking at his daughter, Sara with a smile on his face. He took out his favorite photo, the first photo they all took together, and held it tightly. As a father, he'd never let Sara go. Ever.
    Sai now had dark bags under his eyes, and looked meeker than before. Sai thought to himself, had it really been 7 years since he came to this castle? 7 years away from that kingdom? When Sai thought of that, he got sick to his stomach. Once you think about it, how was everyone doing back in the kingdom anyway? He wasn't going to go back right now, especially since Sara was too young to be left alone. Sai wrote in that note that he'd be gone for a couple months, or years, depending how he felt like it, and told them to not do anything big politically, and right now, he wasn't even sure that they'd obey. Sai sighed. Whatever, they'll find me anyway, but it's kind of fun playing this game anyways.
    Sai quickly wore a white collared shirt, royal blue blazer, black dress-pants, and to top it all off, a silk black tie. As soon as he'd changed, there was a knock on the door. He smiled brightly, as usual when she was around.
    The light of his world was knocking on his door, the little five year old princess named Sara. "Hey Daddy, can I come in to your room?"
    "Sure thing, sweetheart." The little 4' 7 burgundy tutu-princess quickly opened the door, and happily sat on her dad's lap.

    "Hey Daddy, I want to ask you a question. It's a very huge question, so I don't know how you'll answer."
    Sai started looping Sara's hair, as that's what she always liked. There was no question, positively none at all that he couldn't answer. "What is it, my dear Sara?"
    "I went to the garden today, and well, I found a couple of stones in the garden. Cecil told me to not touch them, but well, I brought one here. Is that a grave?"
    Sai took a gasp, and wiped the sweat from his face. He'd expected this question sooner or later, but not now. He'd thought of what he was going to say for hours and hours, but his planning was to no avail. "Yes."
    Sara smiled. "So, I was right! Whose grave is it? Was it Cecil's wife?" She left Sai's lap, and went into a chair adjacent from the bed, knowing fully that was probably the answer.
    Sai had sweat all over his face, and couldn't dare chuckle at a time like this."Your mother's."
    Sara's face turned pale-white, and held the rock even tighter than before. "She's dead!? I'd always thought that you divorced her."
    Sai mumbled something in the quietest tone he could, hoping that she couldn't hear."I'm-m not your real father."
    Sara gave him a glare that he would never forget. "What! So, I'm not a real noble?"
    Sai shivered, and couldn't stare at her, and looked at the window instead. "I thought Cecil explained all of this to you.
    Sara shouted, "That old goat didn't teach me anything about this!"
    Sai yelled. "Cecil!"
    Cecil ran to Sai's room in a hurry, and carried the bronze pot that he was washing in the kitchen. "Yes, Milord?"
    Sai yelled at Cecil, with mass amounts of anger in his voice. "I thought you told her!"
    He's seen his lord angry, but never this angry. "I thought she knew!"
    Sai gave him a glare, "She doesn't seem to know."
    Cecil whined, "That isn't my fault that she doesn't know!"
    Sai shouted, "It is your fault!"
    "Stop it!" Cecil and Sai stopped bickering at each other, and started staring at Sara. "No matter what happens, this is still my home. And you dad, are still my father, real or not."
    Sai smiled, picked her up, and gave her a big hug. He was too weak to stop his tears from flowing, as silent tears began to flow from his cheeks.
    Sara smiled, as her father put her down. "But can I hear the story about how you found me?"
    Sai wiped the tears from his face. "I'll tell you, but first, let's take a walk to town first." He then gave her a bow and held his arm out for a run through town."
    Once they were halfway to town, Sara said. "Can't we can just take the horses you bought the other day?"
    Sai shook his head. "I want a walk, just with the two of us."
    Sara smiled. "Alright then."
    "The reason is that we're walking is that, you seem like you're getting a bit fat, and I wanted to treat you to a treat. If you get tired half way, I'll carry you, if you want."
    Sara smiled, "I want you to carry me, then." Sai picked her up and put her on his right shoulder.
    "So, I guess I should explain myself. I'm a noble, from a far-off land, and this is one of my castles. This is my father's vacation castle, and after he died, I wanted to see it. He abandoned the castle a few years earlier, but in his will, he told me that I should go back here. And so I did. And then, in front of the castle was a decayed woman, and you, of all things! I was so surprised, and took you in."
    "So, are you going to get a wife in the future? You need someone to pass that castle to."
    "When I die, I'm going to pass that castle, with everything in it to you."
    "Even Cecil?"
    "Even Cecil, well if that old goat is still running, yea."
    "But isn't he around your age?"
    Sai told a lie that was partially true, so it he didn't feel as guilty as before. "Oh dear, no. That man is old beyond wits. He's what, 49 now?"
    "Impossible. And you're 28, right?" Sai nodded, although she'll soon find out that we haven't gotten old in the future.
    Sara laughed. "You should get a wife."
    "Why would I have a wife, when I have a woman to run the house?" Sara and Sai chuckled, and got off of that grim topic. They finally made it to town, where it was the usual glaring crowd of teenagers. Sai took Sara off of his shoulder, and they walked to a merchant who was selling ice cream at the time.
    "May we have two blue-raspberry ice creams, please?" The man had a little glare competition with Sai, as he was indeed a double black, and proceeded to make the ice cream. Once he was done, he quickly handed them their ice cream, and said "Five gold."
    Sai handed the gold, and put Sara on his shoulder, and together, they started walking back to town. Sara was wondering, why blue raspberry? Usually when they go get ice-cream, it's either the flavor I want, to try or vanilla. The trip back to the castle was a short one with Sai walking fast, as he gulped down his ice cream, so nothing was holding him back from going full-speed. Sara finished her ice cream, and with sticky hands, went back to the castle.
    "Hey dad, are you going to drop me in my room?"
    "Nope! We're going to the garden together."And then it all made sense. That blue raspberry ice-cream was the same color of the flowers in the garden!
    The gale wind started blowing, and Sai stared at the flowers. "Although you don't have your mother, you have a happy family, and that's what we need at times in this cruel world. As your father, I will protect you until I die." Sara smiled, and gave him a hug, and then as quick as the hug began, she let go.
    Sai smiled, and continued what he was saying. "You see those sapphire flowers? I planted each one of them, and each one of them is special to us. They're called Saphir flowers, the color of a sapphire. Smell them, and they smell like blue raspberry. But there's another special thing with these flowers. If you sing your heart out, you'll find true love. I love you as my daughter."
    Sara blushed. "I want to sing a song!"
    Sai smiled. "Well, you'd have to sing your heart out."
    "I'm still going to call you dad no matter what, okay?"
    "Thanks sweetie." He went down to Sara's level, and gave her a hug that should have lasted forever.

    Chapter 4
    Chapter 4- The Old Mean Demon King Sai.
    It had a month since Sara had learn of her mother's passing, and in due time, things had returned to normal. Sai was stuck in his room going through photos from before, while Cecil was teaching Sara as usual.
    The burgundy-tutu princess ran quickly towards his father in his room. "Daddy, help me!"
    Sai quickly caught his daughter, and put her on his shoulder. "What is it this time, Sara?"
    Cecil's voice sounded older than ever, as he ran through the castle. "Lady Sara! Lady Sara, come back here this instant!"
    Cecil went into his master's room, and surveyed the room before looking at his king. "Lord Sai, could you please put Lady Sara down?"
    Sai started whining. "But she doesn't want to learn today Cecil, can't you just give her a break?"
    Cecil glared at Sai. "Do you even know what she's learning?"
    Sai smiled, countering Cecil's glare. "Nope, but I probably should know what's she's learning."
    "Today, she's learning about the kings of the demon kingdom!"
    Sai put Sara down from his shoulder. "Sara, this lesson should be pretty interesting. You'll learn about my name. It's a really special name."
    Sara snickered. "Your name? What's so special about it? We're learning about demons. D-E-M-O-N-S.
    Sai sighed, and a tint of red could be seen on his face. "Well, you'll have to go to your lesson, and learn it, right?"

    Sara smiled. "Aw! Fine, I'll go to my lesson, but it better be as good as you say daddy, ok?" Cecil then escorted Sara out of the room, as quickly as they came. Sai thought to himself, well, what was so special about his name anyways? It was more of the fact that he was a double black made people afraid of him.

    The red haired king boastfully said, "I want to name him Sai."
    "Sai? Lord Asher, Lady Stella, that sounds like a pretty human name to me."
    Lady Stella laughed. "It won't be a human name anymore then. As a double black, he'll bring fear to the hearts of everyone."
    Asher chuckled. "Indeed. Anyway, when's the last time we've had a double-black in this kingdom, Cecil?"

    "I believe, the late King Wallace had black hair and black eyes, but I don't remember all that well, as it's been a long time. That was around 1,000 years ago."

    Sara and Cecil were in the dining room, as that was her 'school', which mostly composed of one-on-one teaching from Cecil. Sara hated school, and the dining room in general, as she often ran to her father to tell Cecil to stop the lesson for that day. Sai's words were absolute after all.
    Sara snickered. "So, what's so special about the demon-kings?"
    Cecil smiled, "Well, it seems like you're ready for this lesson."
    Sara gave a quick glare to Cecil. "If daddy says that it's ok, I mean, I don't mind learning about this demon-king."
    Cecil started talking about the demon king, and Sara thought the way he described him; it was like they had been friends for a very long time. "I see. Anyways, the current demon king is demon King Sai. He's considered one of the most ruthless demon kings, and having a great hatred for humans. Humans fear him for being something called a double-black, which means that he has black hair and black eyes. Some records state that he has black wings as well. He's a ruthless demon king, as he would cut you down without hesitation. His special weapon is a sword named-"
    Sara immediately got out of her seat and in a loud tone screamed, "Cut me down- Sai would never do that! Why is dad so proud of his name?"
    Cecil sighed, as he certainly wasn't the one to answer this question. "You'd have to ask Lord Sai yourself, Lady Sara. Now, may I continue the lesson?"
    Sara quietly took her seat; As Cecil happily continued talking about his master, as Sarah's thoughts flooded with horror. Sai's a human, so it shouldn't have mattered. But why did this all seem so true? But yet, it seemed so unlike him to even think about doing something like this. Why?
    After the lesson, Cecil said "Sara, I think this is enough for today. We'll talk about the village of Vinegald tomorrow, alright?"
    "Yes." Sara then ran out of her room, and went to the garden, where Sai was. He was looking off in the distance like he was reminiscing something.
    Sara tugged on his father's perfectly tailored suit. "Daddy? You shouldn't be proud of your name."
    He shrugged his shoulders, and chuckled. "Why not?"
    "The demon king sounds like a big-meanie!"
    Sai couldn't help but put a smile on his face, as apparently, he was a 'big mean-ie'. "H-he does?"
    Sara clenched on to Sai's suit even more tightly than before. "Yea! He cuts down humans, and has weird wings! He has black hair, just like you! He's really, really scary!"
    He sighed. "I'm probably the only person besides the mean-old demon king, who has the name. There might be tons of Sara's and Cecil's, but only two Sai's. I don't like my black hair, but I'm too lazy to dye it."
    Sara pointed at Sai's hair. "You should dye it!"
    Sai was shocked, but nevertheless, he should have blended in with humans way earlier anyways. "What color should I dye it then? I'll let you choose, and if they have that hair-dye, then you'll help me dye my hair."
    "Forget it! I can't imagine you with another color of hair, so just keep black."
    "Alright, alright. But Sara, can I ask a question~?"
    "Sure thing!"
    Sai took a deep breath, and hoped on one side of his heart, that she wouldn't take this question all that seriously, but on another side of his heart, he wish she would know that he actually was the demon-king. "What if I was the demon-king? Not that I would be, anyways, but would you still love me?"
    Sara smiled. What type of question was that? "Daddy is daddy, no matter what he is, even if he's the demon king! I'd love you anyways!"

    Sai smiled, and gave her a hug. Even if I was the demon king, I'd love you forever too.

    Chapter 5
    Chapter 5- Nightmares of Sai
    The moon was shining in full gleam, and Sai was staring through his window. Back in the kingdom, he'd usually take a flight around the city at this time, as there was no-one to tell him not to. He hadn't used his jet-black wings in years, ever since Sara spoke her first words; he worried that she might remember him as a demon. After all, she was a human, there was no way in hell that he'd raise her to be one of his kind; a demon. She was one of them, and he was only pretending to be one of them. She takes her regular stroll on her horse around to town and back, so doesn't she hear the rumors? Should he stop taking her to town, all together then?
    Sai sighed, and touched the glass of the French window. He took his wings out, and opened the window. It was really impossible to keep a caged demon inside his castle, wasn't it?

    Sai saw the crowd of people near his father, and snuck through the crowd. He then found himself next to the throne, where his father was sitting, and then whispered in his ear, "Dad, do you take flights around the city? Y'know, to test out your wings and horns? "
    His father tugged his ear. "Sai, you can't stay stuff like that aloud."
    "Why not?" King Asher quickly shook his head, and raised his hand. The next thing that happened is that all of the people quickly left the room, so now the only ones in the room were Sai and his father.
    Asher got up out of his seat, and Sai did the same. "There's tons of people here, they could easily kidnap you."
    "But I want to stretch out my wings! It's been ages since I've last used them! " Sai took out his wings, and took a black feather out of them.
    "Hmm, you are around that age now. Very well, I'll show you the perfect time to take a flight."
    Sai looked into his gleaming eyes. "The perfect time to take a flight?"
    The king smiled. "The time when no-one knows you're out there."
    "Really? So, are we going to go flying together?"

    Asher picked up his little boy, and put him on his shoulder. "If you want, sure!" He took out his red wings, and flapped them. He looked at Sai with a smile and said, "Today's a full-moon, those are the best days to fly, and I promise, no-one will see us."

    Sai took a step outside the window, when he heard knocking on his door. He quickly put his wings away, and started sweating as he opened the door. It was around 1am, who would be awake at this time? He slowly opened the door to find the young princess with her blanket and pillow.
    "Yes Sara?"
    "Can I sleep with you?"
    "Why can't you sleep in your own bed?"
    "I'm having nightmares."
    "N-nightmares of what?"
    Sara pointed at Sai. "You."
    Sai felt his heart beating faster and faster. "What do you mean?"
    "Well, remember when I learned about that scary ol-demon king? I had a dream that you turned into a monster, and-"
    Sai immediately started crying; and hugged Sara. "I'm not that scary, y'know."
    Sara slowly let go of Sai's cold grip, and proceeded to set up for bed. "I know, but still, I'm scared."
    "I'll always be here for you; no matter what."
    "So when I grow up, you won't leave me?"
    Sai saged through Sara's hair. "I would never do that!"
    "That's good to hear. Now, I'm tired. Let's go to bed, ok?" Sara yawned.
    "Alright, but you'll have to let me know if you have any more nightmares, ok?"
    "Sure thing!" Sai moved to the edge of his bed, he didn't want to disturb his daughter's dreams; he didn't need to sleep anyway, if it was for her.

    Sara was at the other corner of the bed, feeling embarrassed about telling Sai the dream, but she didn't tell him the scary part, because that would scare him so much!

    Sara walked around her dream world, which looked like another castle far away, and this room looked like a throne room of some sort."Where am I?"
    Sai was on his knees, heavily bruised, and looked like he was fighting an urge in his head mentally, in front of that chair, which Sara knew was only fit for a king. He screamed, "Sara, get out of here!"
    Sara started running towards her father. "Dad! What are you doing here? Where are we?"
    Sai looked angry; the type of angry that Sara's never seen before, a"Get out of here, before that thing comes out!"
    Sara ran closer to him. "What are you talking about?"
    "AAAAA-rrgh!" Sai screamed, and then the chains were gone, with another thing replacing Sai. This thing had long horns, and jet black wings, and looked like a monster. But yet, he still had the same face and looks like her dad. Just who was this man?
    Sara was now right in front of him "Dad? No! Give me back my dad back!"

    With a whoosh of his hand, the area near Sara enveloped in black.

    "AAA-aaa!" Sara jolted awake, and Sai was right there next to her. It was all a dream.
    Sai grabbed Sara's hand with a vice grip, something that a person would normally not let go for a long time. He started screaming, "Sara! What is it? Are you ok? What happened?"
    Sara hugged her father; as he was still ok, and still pretty human. "Dad!" Sara thought to herself, there was no way this thing, her dad, could be the demon king! "I think I'm fine now."
    "Are you sure? Do you want to take a walk or anything, before you try to fall asleep again?"
    Sara nodded, as she knew that she was fine, as long as her dad was with her."I'm sure dad, I'll be fine~"

    "Next time, we're going for a walk if you have another nightmare."
    "Alright then, let's go back to bed." Sara went back to bed, and Sai felt silent tears flowing down from his cheek.

    What am I doing with a human anyway?
    Why do I care for her so much? She'll grow up one day, and be one of them!
    Can I really take care of her? What am I protecting her from exactly?

    Will she love me for myself, and not being the demon king?

    Well, those questions were going to be answered another day, but for now, she was here, in Sai's care. Sai smiled, wiped the tears off of his face, and went back to sleep.
  5. Eclipse

    Level 82
    Apr 3, 2015
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★


    As is my custom, first the proofing, then my take-aways.


    I'm going to make a prediction now; let's see if I'm right...

    Wait a sec; that doesn't sound right. In the opener, it states that it's been seven years since Sai left the castle, so how is Sara only five? Unless it took Sai and Cecil two whole years to get to the castle near the humans, it doesn't make any sense. I'm assuming it's some sort of oversight.

    Though, for other small bits, 'five-year-old' is usually hyphenated throughout, 'four-foot-seven' is usually spelt out as well (though you can leave it numerically, if you do, you have to put the inch symbol at the end, as 4' 7"), and what on Earth is a tutu-princess? Also, is Sara's hair burgundy, or is her skin burgundy? It doesn't say which.

    This may or may not apply, depending on circumstance, but how does a young child know what a divorce is? Was she told?

    Ha! He's getting played. All is as foreseen.

    The word 'it' doesn't need to be there.

    Shouldn't it be 'we don't get old', or am I thinking of something else?

    The comma after 'want' should either be after the word 'try', or not there at all. Also, 'ice-cream' is hyphenated here (and later on when referring to the flowers in the garden), when it doesn't appear to be hyphenated anywhere else beforehand.

    That should have lasted forever? Do I detect a hint of ominous foreboding, or is it just an expression of sentimentality?

    ...So her tutu is burgundy? Now I'm just confused.

    I will admit that I did not read that as its intended meaning at first. Usually to 'put down (a child)' is to have it take a nap. Or you could go for the more grim meaning, but...

    "No, Sara. You are the demons."

    Wasn't quite expecting that, in truth. My first impression was that Sara would think that there is someone else out there named Sai. Granted, the 'coincidences' line up enough that she might not, though I anticipated her cutting Cecil off a bit earlier. But I don't know. Perhaps I'm overthinking it.

    If that really is a semicolon separating those two clauses, and not a full stop, then the 'as' right before 'Cecil' should be lowercase, and the 'as' before 'Sara's' (extra H, by the way) shouldn't be there at all.

    Yet the paragraph goes on to say that Sara thinks Sai is a human, so why the outburst from before? The outburst indirectly acknowledges that Sara thinks Sai is a demon of sorts, and the ensuing dialogue that Sara has afterwards seems to suggest that Sara still thinks Sai is human, which means that what she says in the outburst itself is out of place.

    I can't suggest to you what specifically to put there, but whatever you do, make it so that it can be implied that she doesn't think Sai is a demon. The suggestion I gave before is to make it suggest that Cecil was talking about someone else named Sai, but you put down what you think is best.

    Why is there a tilde there? They tend to be out of place when written such.

    It's "Even if I were the demon king", as it's a subjunctive.

    No way in hell? The pun is real.

    I don't think you need the comma there. I think it's also possible to get away with using the word 'altogether' instead.

    Perhaps I'm thinking of this backwards, but wouldn't they be harder to spot if it were a new moon, not a full moon? Or perhaps it's because the moon draws so much attention that the rest of the sky isn't noticed. Even so it's still noticeably bright in the sky at night on a full moon... Bah. My brain is refusing to cooperate right now.

    'Sage' is not a verb, so I'm not sure what word you meant to put here.

    Are these chains physical or metaphorical? There wasn't any mention of physical chains before, so I assume it's some kind of mental restraint? I think?

    I think it's 'not for being' the demon king. At least, I think that's the tense you're going for. I could be mistaken.


    Okay, so far, it seems like the theme of this group is keeping an identity and a rather dark past away from Sara. ...And he's not doing that good of a job of it. Does he want Sara to know? Is he afraid that Sara won't accept him for some reason? His words say that he doesn't want Sara to know, but his actions appear to speak differently. From the looks of it, he wants Sara to actually know one day, and love him despite that. Yet, I perceive he is afraid of the social stigma that it will bring her in the future - and the mental anguish that it brings her right now.

    ...I said I made a prediction, but I don't know if it has come true or not, as it concerns an event that has yet to happen. Either way I suppose I'll have to wait and see, but it does seem as though the story is poised to take a rather dramatic shift very soon.
    Shada likes this.
  6. Shada

    Shada netflix binging

    Level 7
    Mar 12, 2015
    Repel ★Charizardite X ★★★★Gardevoirite ★★★★Galladite ★★★★Bottle Cap ★★★★★
    Even though I'm not 100 percent finished with the story, I have written up to the epilogue. It's not what I honestly expected, I might do a real good edit after I finish with the epilogue, but I'll just make it more darker. I also did a shift in romance (Not that I can write romance either, haha), thus making me want to edit the above chapters.
    This is a genre's that's like totally different to me, as I'm always used to writing something like an adventure manga or something, instead of someone being oblivious of the world stuck in a castle, XD
    Here's to constructive criticism!

    Chapter 6
    -Chapter 6- Rafael, the legendary Incubus.
    A man with light-grey hair went to pick up a letter which no-one else could pick up."Tch. That bastard, just leaving like that; where does he plan on going?"
    Dear Everyone,
    Sorry about all of this, but there is something I have to do. I will not be back for a while, say about a couple months? Alright, maybe not that long, or maybe even longer! Who knows?
    I dragged my servant Cecil with me, since he's disposable if anything comes to attack us. For all of my work, I hereby state that Rafael, the lord of the Incubus will take over my duties; as well as his duties. But this is with one clause. He cannot leave the castle, no matter what he pleads, due to his lusts. No need to fear, I will come back on my own; I don't need a search party trying to find me. I will return to the castle in due time, so until then!

    --- Sincerely from your King, Sai
    The grey haired man slammed the wall, almost shattering it with one blow. "Damn that bastard!"
    The maids stopped crying, and then read the letter; and looked at the grey haired man. "You've gotten a upgrade from the king! And he'll be back soon! This isn't the most joyous news, but it was worse than what we thought."

    Teenagers were gossiping, as a beautiful man walked past them. He had light grey hair, but at the same time, didn't look a day older than twenty.
    The man stopped; dead in shock, as the castle didn't have moss or anything in it. He looked at the girls, as the immediately blushed, and then spoke. "Do you know who lives in that castle?"
    The girls blushed at his charming voice, Ah; he would be the perfect husband! The youngest girl spoke up from that group, " We actually don't know ourselves. There's a rich noble in that castle, we can tell you that."
    The man charmingly nodded at the girl; as the girl tried her best to not faint out of embarrassment. "I guess, I'll just have to perform there, well if the noble agrees."
    Another girl spoke up. "You're a traveling entertainer?"
    "I am, indeed, and if you'd like, you can be my assistant."
    The girl was as red as a red rose. "Really? Take me with you!"
    "You'd have to get permission from your parents, as you're still a kid. I'm looking for a woman to help me with my travels." The girl fainted of rejection, and the man slowly walked away.
    "Those brats aren't my type. I need something young and sweet to soothe this curse."

    Sara quickly ran to the stables, in a black blazer and respected colored pants, and kept thinking about the last couple days. Usually Cecil lets me go horse-riding every day, and ends class a bit early, but lately, he's been making class even longer! By the time I finish, it's almost sundown! Dad won't let me ride at night, as he's too paranoid already, so this is my last chance!

    Sara looked at the blond haired maid with sadness in her eyes, "Jeez Cecil, can't I go riding today?"
    "Not today Sara. There seems to be some danger in town; so lord Sai doesn't want you near that disgusting creature."
    Sara sighed. "If I go to town, on what percent chance am I going to encounter the murderer?"
    Cecil looked at the floor. "Lord Sai doesn't want you to get hurt."
    "But I know it's wrong to talk to strangers, I know what to do! You can't keep me locked in here forever."
    Cecil tried his best not to stutter, and succeeded in that task, "When did we say that you were locked? We have everything that you would need in the world in front of you!"

    She smiled. "Sorry Cecil, but it just gets too boring at times."

    "Lord Sai, she doesn't like being locked in a cage, lady Sara will break out eventually."
    "She can't go outside yet! She'll get hurt by him!"
    "Milord, if we keep quiet, he won't find us."
    "Impossible. He'll find us sooner or later, and I'll be the one to tell him to go back home."
    "Milord, everyone in the demon kingdom is searching for you, as the kingdom can't function without a king!"
    "Aren't they doing just fine under Rafael's rule?"
    "Actually, the humans have gained more land in the last ten years than ever, and they've all been under Rafael's rule."
    "She's 10, she can't leave yet! She can't get a job anywhere, nor find a partner for her life. And if she goes near that man, she'll be-"
    "Then when do you expect her to leave?"
    "I expect at the age of 18, but this is just my idea."
    "That's 8 more years, milord. Once Rafael knows where we are, it's going to be impossible to keep this game up."
    "Now that you think about it Cecil, I kind of like humans now."
    "Milord! You mustn't say that! How about the humans who broke the castle, or the knights who kill us every day?"

    "The only good human I know of is Sara, and after her, there will be no good-humans. I will eliminate them all, no need to worry."
    "That's what you keep saying sire, but you must stick to your promises."
    "I will, just you watch."
    "So, what do we do about the legendary Incubus?"
    "I'll just talk to him; and tell him that I'll come home in 5 years, or something like that. But, if he goes near Sara; I will have no choice to kill him, as he has a huge lust for women. "
    "Will he listen to you lord Sai?"
    "He's my best friend Cecil, and I'm the king, he just can't say no."
    "I only hope that you are right, sire.

    Sara hopped on a horse, and quickly went through the forest, to town. She dropped the horse in the stables at town, which were for a small fee. Sara then started walking through town, but this time she noticed; no-one stared at her. Every time she would go to town with her Cecil or Sai, the town villagers stared at her. Perhaps it was because there were 2 dads, or dad's black hair? Ah well. Sara cleared her thoughts and then blankly started walking when-she bumped into someone. Oops.
    The grey haired-man was on the floor, with blue raspberry ice cream all over his silk outfit. "Oh my."
    Sara helped him up, and started apologizing. "Sorry about that sir! Would you like me to pay for that?"
    He shook his head, "It's no problem my dear!"
    "You sound like a stalker."
    He looked at her with anguish. "What?"

    Sara quickly replied, "Nothing."
    Rafael looked at her hand, as the next way to capture a girl's heart was to kiss her hand."What's your name?"
    She replied without any thought. "Sara, how about yours?"
    "My name is Rafael, it's nice to meet you, my princess." He then looked at his watch, as Sara was trying to think of a reply. "Ah, I forgot, I had to go somewhere! Until we meet again my princess!" Rafael started running in the direction of the castle.
    Sara waved at the man, with confusion all over her face. "Bye?" She stared in bewilderment for a bit, and then was done with her little stroll' and proceeded to the castle.

    Sai had a sword in his hand, with anger on his face. "Where is she?"
    Cecil bowed "I-I don't know, Milord."
    Sai quickly drew the sword to his neck. "Tell me where she is!"
    "She probably went to town; I believe that's where Rafael is, currently."

    "That bastard will not get her hands on her!" Sai and Cecil got on their horses, and left the castle.

    Sai and Cecil were going full speed on their horses, when Cecil said "Can you sense Rafael?"
    "He's in the area." There was silence after that.
    They rode, and went to town, and on the edge of town, there were teenage girls were taking care of their friend who fainted earlier. Sai walked up to them, and knelt down to the girl's hand and he went to touch it. He snickered. "Damn! So this bastard's really in town!"
    "Sir, stop it! She already got rejected by one hot guy today; she doesn't need to be touched by another hot man!"
    "I'm sorry, there's a rapist around these parts; although he looks beautiful, he's a cold- blooded person."
    "That man was a rapist?"
    "Never-mind that did you see a young girl, around the age of 10 around these parts?"
    One girl chimed in to the conversation, "Yes, I saw her! I was following the grey-haired man, and he bumped into her! Then he had a quick chat and ran off somewhere; now that I think about it, he must've been running to that weird castle up there!"
    "And how about the girl?"
    "She probably went to the castle as well."
    "Damn! Cecil, I want you to search town one more time; I'm going back to the castle!" He ran to his steed, and as fast as Sai came; Sai was gone.
    Cecil went to put his steed away, and ran through town, through every nook and cranny looking for the lord's daughter.

    "Sara! Sara! Can you hear me? I'm coming for you!" Sai was speeding through the forest, and there was no sign of Sara in sight. Or like no trace of her at all. He was almost to the castle; almost there!

    Sara opened the entrance she came from with her keys and walked inside. She went to the stables and put the horse in the stable, and went to the garden; only to find a figure there.
    Sara froze in horror as she saw the figure noticed her. "Sara? What are you doing here?"

    Chapter 7
    Chapter 7- Rafael, the Legendary Incubus, Part 2
    He looked at his little princess with a smile; if she was here now, then why not? He asked, "Sara? What are you doing here?"
    Sara looked horrified, and gave the only answer she could have given. "What do you mean? This is my house!"
    The same man evilly cackled as he pointed to her. "Your house?" He started walking towards her; rather it was more of a fast paced walk, licking his lips.
    Sara was horrified. Was this the person that dad was so worried about? Sara thought to herself, If I wasn't so idiotic, this wouldn't have happened! If I could only grow up... Sara started running from Rafael, to no avail. He finally caught up to her.
    Rafael smiled, as he grabbed her arms, and put them in the air with one arm. "Come here, my princess."
    Sara screamed, as she didn't know what to do! She tried kicking the man, but as hard as she tried to aim for that part, she couldn't. He started unbuttoning her shirt slowly; until a sword pierced his back.
    "Get away from her!" Rafael screamed in agony, as he let go of Sara. Sai grabbed Sara from his dirty clutches, and started to run, for a bit, and hugged her tightly.
    Once he was done with his hug, he buttoned Sara's shirt. "I told you not to go to town! I was so worried!"
    Sara wiped the silent tears from his face. "I-I'm sorry father."
    "I'm going to put this man in the castle jail, and then send him to the authorities. I don't want to see the blood, or anything, so you should go to your room. Cecil should be there waiting for you."
    "Alright. I just want to tell you; I love you father." She started running to her room.
    "I love you too Sara." Sai now turned his glance to Rafael, who was evilly cackling away. After he finally got up, he lunged himself at Sai, with a steel sword of all sorts.
    He screamed, "It's been 10 years!"
    Sai blocked his attack, and tried to hurt him with a slash. "And? "
    "You deserve to die; you bastard! I wasn't able to leave that castle for 10 years! 10 whole years!"
    Sai now blocked his attack, which was a thrust. "How is that my fault!?"
    "You're the one who decided to go on vacation when you know you can't! The whole kingdom is waiting for you! We need you!"
    "Why me? I thought you were doing just fine in the kingdom with me on vacation!"
    "You know how much land we lost due to these humans in the war? And did you know how hard it was without you leading us?!"
    Sai's eyes rose in curiosity. "How much did we lose?"
    "Fort Aelhaven was taken, along with the town. "
    Sai snickered at the thought, "That's a major city. How is everyone there doing?"
    " I evacuated everyone just in time, but now that the humans hace entrances to our ports, they can attack us at any moment. We've gotten our spies into the knights, and the reason they're not advancing is that they're waiting for you. But we were waiting for you as well. We thought you would come as a savoir at the end of the war, but it seems you're with a human girl!"
    Sai raised his voice, and tried to strike him with another thrust. "Her name is Sara!"
    Rafael blocked the thrust, and stopped attacking. "And it seems that she thinks you're human! When I saw her at first in the castle, I thought she was your slave! Turns out, you've been treating her like a d-daughter! " He dropped his sword, as his anger finally melted into sadness.
    "My slave?" Sai chuckled. "She's growing up with humans, so it was best that we taught her human ways."
    "But what happens when she grows up? She'll find out!"
    "I want to stay with her until she dies, but if that does happen, then she'll marry, like other humans and then slowly forget about us." He put his sword away.
    "When will you return to the kingdom!? We need you to harden your heart so we can destroy these humans off our territory! There's been so much havoc; it's hard to deal with it all!"
    "I'll return when it comes time."
    There were now silent tears on Rafael's cheeks, and they weren't stopping anytime soon. "When is that?"
    Sai put his fist in the air, and then proceeded to raise 5 fingers from that clenched fist. "Give me 5 years."
    He screamed in revolt "5 years is too much!"
    "5 years, or, I will never return and return as king."
    " 5 years from today, it is. If you don't return in five years, I will come back myself and hunt you down myself. And since you have no heir, it would be best to return as soon as possible. No-one knows who might start a revolt."
    "If they fear me, they wouldn't even think to start a revolt. I'll eventually find out, and go back. Who would dare start a revolt anyway?" He covered his mouth, knowing that he might receive a punishment from speaking ill—mannered in front of his lord. Sai started to walk away from the garden, and Rafael started to follow him.
    There was silence until they were in one part of the castle that Sai never wanted to use; the jail. This room was filled with dust and just about everything rotten. "Everyone is confused about why you picked me as a replacement."
    "Well, because I wanted to punish you for leaving every time I needed you to report to me."
    Rafael was dumbfounded. "That was it?"
    Sai sighed. "Well, there was more to it, but if you want, you can tell everyone that you found me."
    Rafael smiled, was this the end of his lord's vacation? "Really?"
    "Yes, but on one cause. Tell them I'm on vacation, and I am in no mood in seeing anyone, and my location will remain a secret until I return."
    "Once I re-enter the castle, I cannot visit you, so who shall visit you then?"
    He smiled. "Your wife, of course."
    Rafael started to get worried, "Why her? Sire, that's the last person that should visit you!"
    "Now that you think about it, I shouldn't have let her out of the castle either, but nonetheless, you're the only two people who know how to keep secrets." Sai started to chuckle at his mistake.
    "I'm just a person who looks after the incubus, I'm just another no-one compared to you!"
    "Well, you're something to me. One of my knights that I look for, to annoy, to fight, and to make my day, every day."
    "Sire, I keep the kingdom in stable shape until you return!"
    "Well said. Now get in there." He pushed Rafael in a prison cell.
    He looked at the prison cell with disgust. "Why?"
    He chuckled. "I want to tell my daughter that you're my prisoner."
    "Y-your prisoner! So I'm not going to the castle?"
    He slapped the stupid incubus. "If you could only listen to the rest of my plan you would understand. You're so hot-headed, I thought that leaving you would make you change, but then again, I guess not. Now, may I continue?" The incubus nodded in approval.
    "Now, you will escape in about 3 day's time. We'll release you at night, and you'll immediately head to the demon castle, and you'll tell everyone what happened. No matter what they do to you, you will keep your word, and you won't tell a soul where I am, no matter what they do to you."
    The incubus nodded, as he knew these weren't plans, his lord never gave him plans, they were always commands. "So how's that old-goat of a servant of yours doing?"
    Cecil nodded at "I am doing just fine, thank you."
    "You're terrible at making entrances."
    "Why thank you for that."
    "Lord Sai, Sara would like some time alone, after that nasty experience." He then looked at Rafael. "What shall we do with him?"
    "We will leave him here for 3 whole days, and then I'll let him go back to the castle."
    "Lord Sai, he'll tell everyone about this castle! This vacation will end in tons of demons dragging you to the castle!"
    "No worries Cecil. I will never tell anyone, not on my soul."
    "How can I trust you?"
    "I cannot go against my lord's commands; you do know that, right?"
    Cecil chuckled. "So, how goes being the substitute ruler for the demon kingdom?"
    "It's terrible! I ran out of the castle about a week ago, because I can't take all of these people!"
    "How did you find us anyway?"

    "I was around this town, around 10 years ago, and I returned to the castle the day before you left. I walked around the village, and there were some beautiful girls, I can tell you that. But, the most fascinating thing in the town that I saw was this castle.

    "It's great to be out of that hell hole!" Rafael stretched his arms, and strolled through town. The teenage girls kept gawking at him, and some were even offering their own souls just to be with him!
    He shooed them aside, and left town, to find an old demon castle of all sorts! He kicked it, and sighed. That was one heck of a barrier. He thought to himself, Why was it here anyway? He'd have to ask Sai about this sooner or later, although he probably knew about it.
    Rafael now heard crying, the sound of a newly born baby. He sighed, and kicked the corpse, and held the girl in his hands. He couldn't take her back to town; the town would easily suspect him as a murderer of his wife, or something of that sort! He'd just have to take her into the castle's care.

    How did such a thing survive for this long anyway? Since I don't have food, I'll just cast a spell to make her strong; willpower wise. He looked into his bag, and picked out a dusty spell-book. Demons didn't use their spells all that often, except for magicians, which were always the exception.
    Rafael waited until she slept, and walked away; the way to the demon kingdom.
    I should have killed her when I first saw her.

    "So we don't know how long she was there, or her mother's name. "
    "That spell should have lasted a day, so she was close to the brink of death when you found her."
    " I don't think the mother lived in town then. She was probably from another town."
    Sai looked at Cecil, as he had been researching this for years, but no matter what the both of them did, there was always a dead end in this case. "How do you think she was killed?"
    Cecil stated the results of his research, "She was probably suspected of being a demon of some sort, and tried to gain salvation. The most valid conclusion was that she died of starvation."
    "Then how did her body decay so fast?"
    "She had to know magic of some sort."
    Sai sighed, as this discussion was really getting no-where. "So she was a demon?"
    Cecil went and stated the obvious. "Impossible. Demons and humans can't breed, so there should be no way."
    Rafael looked confused. "Then how could a human know magic?"
    "Contracts. That's the only way. I'll research the recent made contracts in the castle when I get out of this prison."
    "Anyways, lord Sai, I think it's time you go comfort lady Sara."
    "I best take my leave to comfort my daughter. I will never forgive you for what you've done for her, but I will give no such punishment, as of yet. Think about what you've done." Sai walked out of there as fast as he could to comfort his daughter.
    Chapter 8-
    Chapter 8-Punishment
    3 knocks came to Sara's door. "May I come in?"
    A soft whisper turned into a normal tone. "Come in."
    "Sara, are you feeling better?"
    She wiped the tears that she "I-I'm sorry daddy. You were right."
    "So, do you promise not to go into town again, unless we go with you?"
    "Yes father. I was acting rash because it was a very low chance this could have happened, and I really wanted to go outside, so I'd like to apologize for that."
    "Its fine Sara, I understand your point of view, so don't worry."
    "Thanks dad."
    Sai sighed, and was heading towards the door. "I'm sorry for being so overprotective, but this is for your own good."
    Sara nodded. "I understand."
    Sai smiled, "If you want anything from town, Cecil will personally go to town and get it for you." He looked at the young girl who was following him, and asked "Why are you following me?"
    Sara looked at Sai; who was scratched all over, but he seemed to be just fine. "Where's the scary man?"
    Sai looked worried. She had managed to recover from that in about an hour; was that even possible? "Why do you want to see the old scary man?"
    "I want to kick him."
    Sai laughed at the thought of Sara kicking Rafael, after all the bastard did deserve it. They walked to the jail cell. Cecil greeted the two with a quick nod, and Sai opened the jail cell.
    Sara walked into the jail cell, and with all the strength she could summon started kicking Rafael.
    Rafael screamed in agony, as he was going to be beaten to death by a human girl of all things! Make her stop! Please!
    Sai and Cecil smiled, as they both said in unison, "This is what you get; you bastard."
    After about couple hours of torture, Sara yawned. It was pitch-black outside, way past Sara's bed time. "I'm going to bed now." and she walked off.
    Rafael tried to move into his bed, and probably knock the pain off, but he couldn't. "I can't feel anything."

    "That's what you get. I'm going to bed as well. Cecil, I suggest that you go rest as well. " Sai started to walk away from the prison room, and looked at Rafael. "I hope you have a good night's sleep as well."Cecil nodded, and left the room to go sleep as well.

    There was another slash at Rafael's new fencing outfit, and with that slash, it was ruined. Rafael screamed. " Sai, stop it! This is brand new!
    Sai sighed. "It's not my fault that you got hurt! This is a fighting match; you should fight to the end! "
    A young girl smiled at the two of them, and yelled her results of the fencing match. "I declare Sai the winner!"
    Rafael stared at the girl with disbelief. "Hey Mercy! You're supposed to be on my side!"
    Mercy smiled. "But Sai won, fair and square. I don't cheat when I say I referee sword matches fairly."

    Sai"When you betray me in the future, I will cut you down, with no hesitation." I won't provide any mercy. None at all, you hear?
    "Yes sire."
    Sai, is this what you've become?

    There was a pillow hit at Rafael's face. "Wake up!"
    Rafael yawned, and turned around. "Jeez, Sai, can't you let me sleep for 5 minutes more?"
    There was another pillow thrown at his fragile back. "5 minutes turns into 3 hours with you, so get up!"
    He jerked awake, and sighed. " Fine, fine. I'm awake now."
    Sai looked at the floor, already disgusted that this was a room in the castle. He didn't clean it up because he thought that no-one would use it, but then again, he was wrong. "As prisoner, I want you to scrub this place up."
    Rafael laughed. "Me? Scrub this place up? Get Cecil to do it."
    Sai sighed. "I'll help clean up with you then."
    "What? No sire, you can't get your hands dirty with this work, I can do it myself!"
    Sai threw Rafael a sponge and a brush. "You're not going to get this finished in 3 days."
    He took the brush, and started to brush "Fine."
    "Why are you doing this instead of Cecil?"
    "I need to do the work that commoners do, so I can understand my citizens more. Otherwise, I'm not much of a king, am I?" Sai took the sponge, and took the bucket next to him, and started to wipe the floor.
    Rafael started to scrub the floor harder. "Why did you come here in the first place?"
    Sai was starting to get annoyed of his questions. "Why do I have to explain my actions to you?"
    "Did you really want to leave?"
    "I didn't want to leave, but I have to say goodbye to something here."
    "Goodbye to something here? What is it? The human girl?"
    "I didn't even know that she was going to be here; rather all of that happened by coincidence."
    Rafael sighed. "So it's not the human girl."
    Sai whispered, "My father wanted me to destroy this castle."
    "I remember! Didn't your father use this castle as a vacation spot when you were young?"Sai nodded.
    "Why does he want you to destroy this?"
    "I don't know. I found that written in his diary, directed to me, like he knew I was going to read it."
    Rafael dropped his brush. "You went through your king Asher's diary?"
    "It's a long story, I don't need to explain."
    "Why did he want to destroy this place?"
    "I don't know, but I'll find out."
    "Will you destroy this place?"
    "I don't know yet, but I want the demon essence in this castle to disappear. I want Sara to inherit this castle."
    "A human inheriting a human castle?"
    He nodded his head. "Yes, she's my daughter."
    "When will you realize that that human is just an illusion? She's just a thing in your way from your throne!"
    "She's my daughter."
    "No she isn't! She's just another human and when she finds out, she'll try to harm you!"
    "She doesn't have any outside contact; there's no way that she'll find out."
    Rafael snickered. "Humans all find a way to sneak out."
    Sai boasted, "I won't let that happen."
    "I warn you, milord, please come back as soon as you can."
    "I will, and when I do, I won't take any sudden vacations like these."
    "Do you promise on that?" Sai nodded. Rafael continued on, "Anyway, what is Cecil doing?"
    "Teaching Sara the proper etiquettes of being a lady."
    "And that's why you're cleaning up? Do you do this often?"
    Sai shook his head. "When I first entered the castle, it was a mess, so I cleaned up then. I've been taking care of Sara in my pastime, sparring, and reading in the library."
    "Reading? Now that I think about it, you've always liked to learn about other places."
    "And I have. I've almost read every book in the library, and I must say, they're all pretty interesting."
    "I still can't understand you, and your love for books."
    "Don't mind me and my love for my books, ok? You know, I could poke holes at you and your love for ladies. I don't understand you for that."
    "How can a demon lord not understand ladies? There's tons of beautiful ladies at the palace, why can't you just choose one? Or not, you can choose as many as you want!"
    "I want someone who could love me, not just for that."
    "But that's the best part!"
    "I really don't understand you incubus."
    "You don't understand my wife and the succubus either then."
    "I never understood Mercy anyway, or the way how both of you cheat off of each other for your own desires."
    "Well, it's the way we are, but we still love each other~"
    Sai sighed. "What is love anyway?"
    "You don't know what love is?"
    "I can't tell anymore."
    "You love that girl, not as your daughter, but rather as your lover."
    Sai sighed. Rafael had really found him out, and there was nothing he could do to deny his emotions. "You could always read my thoughts, so there's no hiding it now."
    Rafael sighed, and dropped his brush. "You can't fall in love with a human; you're our king! You're supposed to destroy these scum! "
    "I don't know how to deal with these feelings."
    "When the time comes right, you've got to show her your charm."
    Sai picked up his sponge, and continued cleaning. "My charm?"
    "Of course! As the king, you've got all the power, and just about everything you need!"
    Sai shook his head. "She's scared of me. Well, not me, but the other me."
    "Does she avoid you?"
    "No, well not yet. She can't avoid me, and we spend just about every day together." I've watched her grow up, but occasionally she has nightmares."
    "Nightmares about you."
    Sai silently nodded. "Yes. She screams occasionally in her dream, but refuses to tell me what the dream's about. I comfort her, and then she sleeps."
    "She really relies on you then."
    He smiled. "She does, indeed. But then again, as a daughter, doesn't she have to rely on me?"
    "She does, yes."
    "She's a good kid, don't worry."
    "You're pretty good at hiding your emotions."
    "I am, and I prefer to keep it that way." Footsteps could be heard from the entrance, and Cecil and Sara walked into the prison. Sai and Cecil were rather tired from working; not that they did any work at all.
    "Lord Sai, why are you helping this villain?"
    Sara snickered, "More like a criminal."
    "This place is a dump, so it'd be nice to make it clean in here. Also, I'll let him walk freely around the castle; but he'll sleep here, and I'll lock him here. If he tries anything Sara, I will strike him down the moment I see him."
    "Daddy, I want him out of this place as soon as possible!"
    "He'll be treated as a prisoner, but I haven't had a guest in years. So I guess we'll treat him like one, isn't that right Cecil?"
    "It is as you say Lord Sai."
    "Then it shall be! Rafael shall be our guest!"
  7. Shada

    Shada netflix binging

    Level 7
    Mar 12, 2015
    Repel ★Charizardite X ★★★★Gardevoirite ★★★★Galladite ★★★★Bottle Cap ★★★★★
    Chapter 9 and 10 folks! I'm currently working on another demon fic, because demons are adorbs; I'll start posting it when I consider most of the plot to be finished!~

    Chapter 9- Childish
    "You don't have to be this nice to me, y'know."
    "I haven't seen you in ten years; do you really think I would treat you with such discourtesy?"
    Rafael nodded, and Sai laughed. "You are one of my pillars for my kingdom; do you really think I would just let you rot in there? I really expect more of you Rafael." Rafael nodded.
    Sai was covered in blood, with scratches and bruises, and held his sword like he was about to drop it and collapse. He slashed the opponent in front of him with his sword, and huffed in tiredness.
    But it wasn't just Sai covered in bruises and bumps. It seemed that he was with other demons, who were all fighting alongside him were all concerned about their king. Finally someone spoke up. "Lord Sai! We need you to take a break."
    He smiled, but it didn't look like this man was going to stop anytime soon. "Rafael, If I take a break then they can advance! I won't let them move another inch from where they are! Everyone, I want you to strike them from where they stand! "
    Rafael courteously spoke, "Lord Sai, please take a break." Sai looked at Rafael when he heard a human scream, "Go die demon king!" This human was coming straight his way, and was about to strike him when Rafael slashed his sword. "You will not lay a hand on his majesty."
    The man dropped dead where he was. As for Sai, he started breathing even harder than before, and started to fall. There seemed to be yelling and cheering from the other side of the battlefield, but from this side of the battlefield, there seemed to be a bunch of scowls. Rafael caught his lord, so he didn't hit the floor and yelled at the other demons, "Lord Sai is tired, but he will be fine with some sleep. As for you lot, I want you all to keep fighting! We will not stop, and we will win this war!" The crowd on the demon side of the battlefield cheered, and continued fighting.
    Rafael carried the worn-out Sai and walked to his other general. "I'm going to take his majesty to the fort to rest. I want you to carry ground here until I get back. If the humans gain a single inch of ground before I get back, we will both be punished."
    "I get it Rafael, you don't have to tell me twice."
    "Mercy, I wish you the best of luck. Whatever you do, just don't die out there."
    "I won't, I promised you and Sai that ages before this war started. Now go!" Rafael took out his dark-brown wings, and flew off. He eventually carried Sai to the fort, tired now as well, but he was glad that no human came to harm his lord.
    Sara pointed to Rafael. "Daddy, can't we take him to the town authorities?"
    She was growing taller day by day, and some day, she was going to catch up to Sai's height. When she was a kid, Sai used to go through her hair, without any problems, but now, Sai had to stand on his tippy-toes to put his arm on her without any problems, but it looked at awkward as it was. Sai had a quick thought. She was 10, would she even like that anymore? Who cares.
    Sai saged through her hair, and she smiled. "We can, but I don't want them to get involved in my business. They're already a pest when it comes to gossip."
    Sara was now reminded of her little stroll in town yesterday. "Gossip? Oh, yea, I forgot to tell you, when I was in town the other day, there wasn't any gossip when I was there by myself!"
    Rafael sighed. "There was, you just don't know it. For the last couple of years, people think you and Sai are married."
    Sai and Sara blushed, and were too embarrassed to look at each other, but they both said in unison, "What?"
    Cecil looked at the two, and sighed. "Wasn't it obvious by now?"
    Sai was getting redder by the second. "No, it was really not that obvious!"
    Cecil and Rafael said together, "Well, it should be obvious now."
    "How long did you two know of this rumor?"
    Cecil sighed, I guess that secret he kept was over. He sighed and said, "I knew about it for a while now, I laughed a couple times thinking about it."
    Rafael sighed as well, "I heard about it from some teenage girls; they would love to be you right now, although you're only ten. You're the town's main hot-topic."
    "You two would make a great couple."
    The two screamed, as Sai kept thinking of ways to punish them. "We would not!"
    Sara was as pink as a rose. "He's my dad! That's so embarrassing!"
    Cecil smiled. "He's only 18 years older than you."
    "18 years is such a long time!"
    Rafael chuckled. "18 years is nothing in my eyes."
    Sara pointed at Rafael, "Well, I guess that you're an old man."
    "I guess you can call me an old man then."
    "Well, old man, I forgive you for what you did yesterday, but I'm only doing it, because it'll make daddy happy that I'm strong."
    "I should have apologized for that in the beginning, but I'm glad you accepted my apology." Sai smiled, and wanted to give her as much ice cream as she wanted! He notified Cecil with a wave of his hand to find some way to bring Blue-Raspberry Ice Cream, in less than an hour, without it melting. He immediately headed out to get the ice cream.
    Rafael smiled. "Yo, Sai, I'll want to take a walk with the girl. I won't do anything to her, don't worry."
    "Why do you want to talk to her?"
    "I just want to tell her how big of a young-lady she is."
    Sai glared at him, but it looked like there was no evil aspect inside him, or as of yet. He looked at Rafael suspiciously. "Sure thing, but make sure to be back in less than half-an hour. If it's a second past a quarter to six, I will cut off your head." He smiled, and let the two be.
    "So, you seem like you want to talk with something. What is it?"
    He smiled. "Well, you're very observant."
    "I am indeed. Anyways, would you like to follow me?"
    "I don't like where this is going, but if you do something to me, daddy will find out, and he'll kill you."
    "Exactly. I'm not going to do anything; we're just going to walk to the garden."
    "Why the garden?"
    "I don't know, but I like that place." Sara and Rafael walked to the garden.
    "Now, why do you call him daddy?"
    "Well, he's my dad, so I call him with respect."
    "You know you're holding him back from his true potential, but could you please stop trying to be childish?"
    "I'm being childish?"
    "Of course you are. You think you're a noble-lady acting just like that?"
    "I'm not a noble lady!"
    "Yet Sai keeps thinking that you are. Do you know how many kids would kill for this type of lavish living? At least try to act like a civil lady."
    "How do other kids live like?"
    "Other kids work their entire lives off, and the nobles rule. As a noble lady, your role is to grow up quick and get married."
    "Why do I have to grow up quick? I'm only ten!"
    "Exactly. Did you know that Sai fought in a war at the age of ten?"
    Sara was mystified. He didn't seem like the type to even be near a battlefield! "He did?"
    He nodded. "He did, and I was there watching right beside him."
    Rafael stopped beating around the bush, and finally came to his points."First off, you could be less of a nuisance to him by calling him father instead of daddy."
    "What's the difference in saying father and dad?"
    "Father sounds way more lady-like, what you should be. I know you can't be lady-like in a day, but I want you to improve on it for now. If you want, I'll ask my wife to visit, and she'll give you a couple pointers."
    Sara was shocked. "You have a wife?"
    Rafael nodded. "Her name is Mercy; she's as beautiful and sweet as you are."
    "Where is she? Does she know you're traveling?"
    "She's at home, and no, she doesn't know, but if Sai lets me go, I'm going to visit home and tell her to visit sometime, ok?"
    "Sure thing! I'd love a friend!"
    "She'd love a friend too!" The two walked to the dining room, in which Cecil and Sai was there waiting for them. Cecil handed them their blue-raspberry ice-cream and due to that, Sara's face lighted up. "Thanks father!"
    "F-father? What's with the sudden change in words?" he then pointed at Rafael. "Don't tell me he did this to you!"
    "I merely started talking about my wife, and how she would visit in the future. She'd help her to act lady-like, so she should start learning the basics now."
    Cecil sighed. "Lady Sara is already a lady; she doesn't need to act like that.'
    "Then how in the world are you going to send her off? No noble would want her, but then again she has about 5 more years until someone would ask you for her."
    Sai sighed. "And in those 5 years, I will tell that person to go away, and become a man."
    "I want to act lady-like for my husband, and you all. I've been a child for far too long." Sai looked at Raphael, who was only smiling at the thought. She's got some will-power there; will she act on it, or is it all words?
    Sai smiled. "I understand Sara. I guess this is just a phase you're having, so I'll let it be."
    Sara yelled, and ran as fast as she could out of the garden. "Daddy, catch me!"
    Sai knew the little burgundy clad girl would not stop running, but there were oh-so many places she could hide in this castle. After all, he knew all of the hidden entrances, and hiding places in this castle that it was impossible to not find her.
    He shouted as he ran to the library, "I'll catch you my honey!"
    Once he was in the library, he looked under the table. "I guess she's not here... or is she!" He ran to the closed curtain, and swiped it open, only to find the 4-year old Sara right in front of him.
    "I guess you found me daddy!"
    "I did? Do you know how?"
    "It's magic!"
    "No, but do you want to guess again?"
    Sara shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."
    Sai took his young daughter, and put her on his shoulders. "When you're happy, I'm happy, no matter how you choose to be. Rich, noble, spoiled, childish, stubborn, you're still, and always be my daughter."

    Sara smiled, as Sai was happy, she would be happy.

    Chapter 10- Good Riddance
    It had been 2 full days since this prisoner had came here, and Sara was not going to have any of his talks anymore. She was done with him, and instead of originally killing him, she wanted him to leave, as soon as possible. She started whining, "How long is this prisoner going to stay here?"
    Sai, the man right next to her, wanted him to leave as well, as him being alone with Sara was driving his anger, and there was going to be a point where he would lose it, and rip him to shreds. "Until he wants to leave."
    Sara yelled, "He's supposed to be a prisoner!"
    Sai laughed, "Oh, yea. I forgot about that." He looked at Cecil. "Hey, Cecil, can you call Rafael for me?"
    Cecil nodded, and left the room, only then to ring an eavesdropping Rafael, into the room. Guess that didn't take that long as she thought. Sai spoke, and gave his command. "Go back to your cell for the night."
    Rafael started to whine, "What? Why?"
    Sai pointed at himself. "Because I said so?"
    "Yes, I'll return to my chambers at once, and I'll lock myself up, so no worries about checking up on me." He ran to the prison and immediately locked the door on himself. He sighed. He shouldn't speak all that ill-mannered in front of his majesty.
    Sai, Cecil and Sara slowly proceeded to call it a night, and went into their respected beds.
    Well, I guess I should leave now. He opened the door, and smiled as he was thinking about Sai. He'd changed in the last ten years, not for the best, but hopefully he'd change back in due time. Probably when the girl was dead, he'd change, and hate humans in the future. He took out his brown wings, and started flying back to the demon kingdom.
    As he entered the castle, through the hallway-window, there seemed to be something amiss. Where was everyone anyway? " Raphael! You're back!"
    "Mercy, you can stop worrying about me. Now, where is everyone?"
    The green haired Succubi queen saddened. "Today's the 10th year that lord Sai has gone missing. They're all mourning in the throne room."
    "Well, what a coincidence. I just found the idiot the other day."
    "You found him? Tell me where he is!"
    "I'm sorry Mercy, I won't tell you until I tell everyone else. He told me to only tell you where he's residing, but I want to tell everyone he's alright first.
    "So he didn't get captured by humans? And they're not torturing him?" The best theory that the war-planners came up with was that he had been kidnapped by humans, and was tortured somewhere and that just proved to be false now.
    "He's on vacation, and he's having way too much fun to be captured."
    "I just happened to come across him and well, he's got 4 years and 364 more days until he returns home."
    "Are you sure he'll return in 5 years?"
    "If he doesn't, I'll drag him back."
    Rafael walked into the throne room, which was packed to the brim; Rafael had a hard time breathing in the room. He squirmed through all of the demons, and they eventually noticed that he was there, and dispersed to the corners of the room. Rafael walked to the front of the throne room, and in his loudest booming voice, he spoke. "I have a huge announcement to make, and I'd like everyone to have their full attention. You all were probably worried about me, and where I went, but I'd like to say, I have located Lord Sai!"
    The crowd started cheering, and were about to swarm him.
    "He is all right, with no difficulties, so no worries."
    "He will be back in approximately 5 years time."
    "That's too long!" "We need our king back now!"
    "He won't do something this rash again, he promises he promises he will destroy the knights, and put those humans in turmoil."
    "That's our king's words for sure!" Another demon chimed in, and the crowd went silent. "Where did you see him?"
    "I cannot say, as he wanted his location private. But, he told me to tell just one person, and that person will be revealed later."
    "Then how do we know you saw him? This might be all a lie for revolution!"
    Rafael took something out of his pocket, and dropped it on the floor."I brought a feather of his black wings."
    The demons started to scream in joy, "That's our king for sure!"
    "Tell everyone, and when Lord Sai comes back, we will take down those humans in Aelhaven!" Screams could be heard everywhere, and Rafael quietly left the room while the entire kingdom rejoiced.
    Sai had been scratching his wings since the morning, as it felt like a feather had gone missing. He locked his bed-room door, took out his wings, and started to count his feathers. There seemed to be one missing! His face turned bright red, and started to scream. "Rafael!" He put back his wings, and proceeded to the prison cell.
    "Father, he left!"
    "Lord Sai, we've been here since this morning, and it seems there are no signs of Rafael. He appears to have left."
    "Damn it! I wanted to torture him today!"
    "I guess he was acting suspicious last night, y'know not checking on him and stuff."
    "That is true."
    "Ah, well, since he's gone, I guess we're more free to do what we want, right?"
    "That is true, father."
    "It's so weird with you calling me father instead of daddy Sara."
    "Well, don't I have to act like a noble-lady?"
    "Not around me, you don't."
    "Dad, I want to ask a question."
    He saged her hair. "Yes, my darling?"
    Sara pointed to herself, "What am I to you?"
    He smiled. It was expected that she was this depressed about what happened with her and Rafael, but still, these type of questions were leading to nowhere. "You're my sunshine, my light, my moon, my stars, and if you weren't here, I'd be the miserable man I was yesterday."
    She blushed. "You're not miserable, are you?"
    Cecil spoke in to the two's moment. "Lord Sai gets very stressed, thus he drinks often. But he hasn't drunk a sip of anything for a long time."
    Sara sighed. She'd never expect him to drink 'that' type of stuff. "You drink alchahol?"
    He turned a slight ray of pink. "Not often anymore, as I've found my light, and that's you."
    She took his hand, and started tracing something on it. "So you wouldn't mind if I grew up and changed?"
    "No matter what, you're still my Sara no matter what." Sara ran to her father, and gave her a big hug.
    Since he's gone, we can have more time together. Even if it's limited, I'll try to be here forever.

  8. Eclipse

    Level 82
    Apr 3, 2015
    Marshadium Z ★★★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★Luxury Ball ★★★Comet Shard ★★★★Mewnium Z  ★★★★★
    I sadly never figured out how to read something and not subconsciously grammar-proof it. It's a sickness I've yet to cure, regrettably. And I meant to work on Chapters 6-8 quite a while ago, but it slipped my mind, for whatever reason.

    Right off the bat I notice some oddness with semicolons and their placement; semicolons are used to join two independent clauses - meaning that if you split the two bits apart, they will be able to function as sentences on their own. In quite a few places there are semicolons placed where commas will do just fine. (Some, such as the mention of the jail in chapter 7, would do better with a colon instead.) I won't point out all of the times it happens, but I can say, for reference, the entertainer's encounter at the start of chapter 6 with the teenagers has three such instances.

    Unless Sara was one of those teenage girls who was fawning at whats-his-face, these are clearly two separate events and should be delineated as such. Also, 'respected'? What is that adjective supposed to be?

    Wait, Cecil is a blond-haired maid now? He really did come full circle, it would seem.

    As before, with the entertainer incident, these are two different conversations, but with no break displayed. From here on out if I see any more like this I won't comment on them, but do take care that, when there is a shift in perspective, there is a line break of some sort to go with it.

    I can't tell who is more sheltered: Sai, or Sara.

    I'd recommend 'at town for a small fee' or 'at town, which could be used/rented for a small fee'. It would flow cleaner.

    Stalker as all get-out.

    There is a 'who' missing before the second 'were'. Or, you can drop the 'were' entirely, instead.

    He 'snickered'? This seems very out of character for Sai. Given his conversations before and after this point when regarding to Rafael, despite being 'friends' he appears to regard Rafael with some measure of contempt, calling him a bastard on multiple occasions. I really doubt he would 'snicker' about detecting Rafael's mark.

    Due to the pronouns used earlier, it's implied that the 'he' being talked about here is Sai. You can drop both of the 'Sai's there, or just the second one, if you wish to save time.
    Also, the following sentence should say 'searching every nook and cranny' rather than 'through every nook...'.

    The chapter has ended and now I'm convinced that Sara needs a rape whistle.

    Yep, I was right. Weirder still, he turns down teenagers with the excuse he wants to find a woman, and yet he engages a 10-year-old girl. What a paedo.

    The rules of English are very strange sometimes. While I know due to context that Rafael isn't the one yelling "Get away from her!", it isn't indicated well with the spacing. You could put the "Get away from her" on its own line. That would help.

    The ensuing exchange is a little odd. Based on how it starts, Sai impales Rafael with a sword through the back. Sai then moves around to the other side and hugs Sara. What's Rafael doing? Does he slump to the ground? Does he just hang limp standing up? Is the sword still stuck in his body? I'm under the impression that Rafael is left half-standing, half-kneeling, still with the sword sticking through him.
    What happens a little afterwards still gives no hint as to what he was doing then. Yet, he makes no attempt to fight back until after Sara leaves, which is strange. I think Rafael's state here could be elaborated on a bit more. The reader is left to fill in the gaps yet is given no hints.

    Firstly, there is a 'you' missing in "I don't want you to see the blood", and secondly, why would Sai place Rafael in his own personal jail before turning him over to the police? It seems to be a question of motives, and why would Sai want to keep such a dangerous adversary so close at hand? unless he has something else in mind.

    "of all sorts"? I...don't think that's the correct phrase to use here.

    This seems a bland and repetitive way to describe the combat. It's not wrong, but you could re-arrange the word order a bit to make it appear more flavourful.

    There; he's snickering again when he shouldn't. Why is he glad that his kingdom is losing ground? Or are you using the word 'snicker' when another word would be more appropriate, like 'sneer'?
    Also, the humans do not 'hace' entrances. They 'have' them.

    *savior (or saviour, if you prefer the British spelling)

    "Destroy ... off" usually isn't the right context to use for the word 'off'. Forcing humans off works, but what is their ultimate goal - to kill the humans, or just to push them back? Or something else entirely? I can't answer this question for you - as it is a part of your plot, after all - so I leave you to best describe what they're trying to do.

    The first 'myself' is redundant and can be dropped.


    Rafael is the incubus, so either that word is supposed to be 'succubus', or 'kingdom', or something else entirely.

    I think that should be a 'with', not 'at'.

    When you have lines of dialogue like this, it's standardly implied that it's just 2 people talking back and forth, and when a 3rd comes in (or when one of the 2 switches out for a 3rd), there should be an alert to such. That third line there, by grammar convention, is said by Sai, when I know it's actually said by Rafael. It should be noted the conversation is shifting thus.

    That second sentence there is the only sentence in the flashback that is spoken in the first person - it is in the third person everywhere else. I'm not sure how you want to handle it, but the perspective should probably keep consistent. With the sentence at the end "I should have killed her when I saw her" it's fine, since it's clear that it's Rafael's thought. Above, even if it is Rafael's thought, it's placed in the middle of a paragraph without hint that it is a thought (like quotes, or the words 'he thought' at the end, or something like that).

    That she what?


    How the hell does she continually kick Rafael for a couple hours? Wouldn't it be a couple minutes?

    He sure chickened out quickly.

    Huh, I was under the impression that Rafael's wife was a succubus. Seems I was mistaken.

    And speaking of things I couldn't predict... now Sai is a paedo? This won't end well no matter what the outcome is. I can't really think of how this could be explained away.

    *anything on

    When suddenly, everything was in Times New Roman.

    Normally, you mark flashbacks (or flashforwards) in italics; is there any reason you didn't do it this time at the chapter's start? Also, I wasn't aware that Sai was really short. Unless Sara's parents were really tall, there should not be any worry or concern about her height surpassing Sai's at age 10. (I'm not saying that's impossible, mind. I know a 10-year-old about as tall as me.)

    I know I have remarked on this before, but 'sage' is not a verb so I'm not sure what word you're trying to illustrate here. (This also happens again in chapter 10.)

    And then, the ensuing exchange was anime as heck.

    'Young lady' is not a term that's hyphenated. (Neither is 'noble lady', for that matter. 'Noblewoman', however, is a word.)

    Same as before. Here, you would either put 'half an hour' or 'a half-hour'. (Half-hour is hyphenated.)
    Meanwhile everyone is remarkably calm about discussing decapitation past a quarter to six.

    "Go home and be a family man!"

    You should say somewhere that's Sara's line, not Sai's. Also, when did Rafael get a ph in his name?

    Oh so many? Or only so many? Based on the word choice it appears to be the latter, since Sai seems to already know where and how people could hide in the castle, as he knows it from top to bottom.

    I think this is supposed to be 'bring' instead of 'ring'?


    There's that ph again. Also, I am pretty sure in this context that the singular, succubus, should be used, as there is only one of her.

    Guessing this is a small typing error, and those 2 lines should all be together as a single piece of dialogue.

    Duplicate 'he promises' is unneeded.

    Is it supposed to be 'this type of questions', or 'these types of questions'?


    So this appears to be taking a rather odd, yet interesting, turn. The dam back home finally appears to have burst as they are anxious for their lord and master's return. Said lord's attitude towards humans has changed, possibly for the better for him, but not for his subjects. He repeatedly claims that Sara is the exception and that the rest are reprehensible, but it seems that he's lying to himself.

    Beyond that, Sai cannot reconcile his emotions with his goals and thoughts either. He loves Sara as a daughter yet it's slowly becoming more than that, to his detriment. Worse yet, how and when is he going to come clean about his heritage? My personal theory is that he'll probably relent on the warpath approach to destroying all the humans, since if he were to try that, Sara would disapprove vehemently or worse, thus shattering her (and his) expectations forever.

    I'm just hoping it doesn't turn into a deus ex machina situation where there is suddenly an out (like Sara being transformed into a demon or something). This is a tricky problem and I want to see it solved normally, not with a hand-wave. Regardless...I look forward to see what you can do.
    Shada likes this.
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