The pain I see in others

I don't think I've actually seen a situation of that nature cross my path as of yet, but that doesn't mean that this topic and question are meaningless to me.

Quite the opposite, my deepest fear is that I will see or hear of a good friend suffering, but that I am powerless to help.

I've learned in my life that, despite my motives and wishes, I can't take responsibility for someone else's happiness, nor can I really 'force' someone to be happy even though I really want what is best for that person. In a way, I accept a sense of powerlessness but also fiercely rebel against it, as if it's something I refuse to believe in.

I've had something very close to that happen to me once, but it wasn't quite that because there were a few key differences about it. This makes me dread what will become of me when this actually does happen to me.

 

The pain I see in others, even if little, hurts far more than the pain I experience myself - and that is a large amount of pain, be it physical or emotional. I cannot stand to see somebody suffer, even when it is not my fault. If an insect, yes, even an insect is hurt because of my actions or ignorance, I will be affected by guilt.

Whenever I see people holding tins or hats for coins, I always put more money than other people do. I would give out notes, but still feel sad knowing that there are people and animals that are suffering.

My biggest guilt though, would be eating meat or dairy. Animals suffer tremendously and are tortured severely for food production in Australia. Animals are my friends. They suffer because of my ignorance - I know what is happening but I still eat it anyway (not because I want to, because I am forced to). Good thing they've invented meat without hurting animals - but that's another topic.

Moreover, when I see on the Arabic news that people (mainly children, prisoners and wives) are being beaten in harsh ways as "punishment", I feel a bitterness in my heart because such treatment is unnecessary and wrong. I cannot stand to see anybody suffer.

 

First of all, I simply couldn't stop laughing at the title of this because it sounds like the name of a really angsty, edgy punk band.

Anyway, I really don't have this problem at all. I'll admit to having some confidence issues about stuff relating to my own self-worth, but in regards to helping others I have no restraint. If anything people probably want me to help less because my methods are exceptionally blunt and straightforward. I don't ask people if they need help. If they really need it then I help them whether they like it or not. Thank me or hate me for it, I don't care.

You don't need to bring about world peace in order to make a difference. Differences in the world aren't made by how much money you can toss at people. Differences are made by being a stable pillar of support for someone who feels like they've lost all hope. Differences are made in the little things you can say and do to breathe meaning back into somebody's existence. It's not about changing the world, it's about changing what you reasonably can to the best of your ability.

 

@[member="Hilda White"], I actually haven't had that happen to me before but that really sucks to think about. Kindness is such a good thing that can be easily ruined when taken for granted.

I like.... to think I'm good at helping people. I'm not the best but I do make the effort to try, and some of my friends do consider me wise. This seems kind of crazy but, I really wish people would /learn/ from kindness, like actually remember little kind things people have done for them and try to pay it forward to other strangers. That would be nice.

I try myself but...

I'm mentally incapable of interacting a lot. ;; I do what I can though. You guys have a really nice view of things. What do you do when you know a friend needs help but they won't say it though?

 

This has always been a tough one for me personally, because it's largely based on guesswork. It may come easier to others, though - because I'm not as good at reading people as I'd like to be.

I basically have to watch what that person does or says, noticing a change in habits or mannerisms, or even just looking at where they go. I've had times where I see a friend's Skype status (or display name) is an obvious cry for help and that compels me to fly to his or her side.

There's another part to this, in that sometimes the person in pain just wants to be alone and not around people. This approach can be either helpful or detrimental, depending on the person and the situation (there are certain kinds of pain that are impossible to endure alone), but how I see it is thus: Approaching that person and asking to help, but being told no, is far better than not approaching the person when his or her answer would be yes. I understand that is a very roundabout way of stating "the worst he can say is no" but it goes a bit beyond that, hence my detail.

People who want help aren't always in a state of mind to really approach people, even though they want or even need it. Asking is a scary thing, and it can be compounded when you have found yourself in the situation where people have asked you before. After all, if people ask you for help with issues, and now you're the one in need of help, won't that undermine their confidence in you? This is actually incorrect and it comes down somewhat to a sense of personal pride holding one back - and on top of that, usually some people who ask you for help are always perfectly willing to provide it in return if you were to ask them.

This is my take on the matter and you are free to accept or reject bits of it as you will - it is based on personal observations and thus what I have seen and heard may be different from what you've noticed, but I believe these are good starting points to evaluate.

 

It depends on the severity of the problem. Most of the time I'll directly tell them that I can help with the problem. I don't ask to help, I simply lay it out there that I can help. Even if they don't accept my offer, usually they'll provide at least a slimmer of the context or some details of the problem itself. This information gives me something of a starting point, and from there I have some options depending on the problem. I could work behind their back without involving them and solve the problem myself. I could discreetly trick someone else into a series of events that alters or remove the problem. I could even simply tell them flat-out that my offer to help will not be accepting "no" as a response. It's only when the situation is too big for me to handle alone or too risky that I don't get involved, and even then I still usually do something to help, even if it doesn't resolve much.

Like I said in my previous answer, I don't care if people want my help or not. If they really, truly need help, then I won't sit idly by and watch as things get worse. They can hate me in the end if they want to and I'll be fine with that. All I care about is helping people reach their fullest potential.

 

I personally know many people with various mental illnesses and I just want to help them, to release them form their suffering. But I think you need to get control of your life before you can devote yourself to helping others. It breaks my heart to watch my friends and family in pain but I know that throwing all my attention to their problems sends me into a downward spiral. It's like when you go on a plane and they say to put on your mask before helping other people (in the event of a crash.) In order to really help anyone you have to be stable.

 

There's loads of people both online and off I wish I could help, but I'm not at all wealthy and most of what they need requires money. :<
So I try to just be supportive, if that helps.