"So I was hanging out with a friend," Pat started off, "and they told me they wanted to go see a movie while we were already out and about town." "Seems nice." I said. "Is this someone I know? Why are you saying 'they' like you're hesitant to reveal a pronoun? It doesn't even seem like a very important thing to hide, and it sounds like you're talking about two people. This is a specific, defined person you're talking about personally, right?" "Don't worry about it." Such a casual deflection. "Anyway, we got to the theater, and they picked out a really sappy romantic movie by their favorite screenwriter --" "Pause," I was compelled to interrupt, "now it does seem like a relevant part of the conversation. He? She? A less-used pronoun set? When you say 'they' so much I really get the impression you're embarrassed to even reveal the slightest glimmer of who this person is. No name, no pronoun, everything's shrouded in mystery because you're sticking with 'they' so much. Doesn't it sound weird to you to say it?" --- In English language, we have four sets of pronouns: female, male, single non-gender, and multiple. The multiple pronoun 'they' and its forms aren't only useful to reference a group of people, but it can also be used to reference a single definite person of undetermined pronoun ("I've never met the new teacher, but I hope they're nice.") or for the sake of smoothing a conversation referencing a specified person whose pronoun set isn't known or assumed ("I just found out that Pat is transitioning, but I don't know them well enough to know how they want to be addressed"), especially since 'it' comes off very disrespectfully as if the subject is inhuman or even inanimate. But sometimes, like in the conversation I made up above, it can be used just to hide the identity of a solo person, such as to gossip about someone and keep all specifics entirely secret. So, does it sound weird to you when 'they' is only one person? Are you not bothered by its use? Do you have some way that you like to get around to avoid using a multiple-person-pronoun for only one person? --- As you may have noticed in my example conversation, I personally don't like to use it, and I try to find ways around using 'they' in most single-person uses. Instead of saying "According to a message on the board, the new teacher says they're going to be late because their car broke down and none of their friends offered to drive them" or any instance of 'they' in that sentence, I would verbally in the moment say "There was a message on the board saying the new teacher would be late because of car troubles and a lack of helpful friends". I even do the same thing with my wording when I do know a person but am unsure how to address them for any reason. To my ear, 'they' just seems like a weird phrasing, and I so wish English had a widespread and dignified way to speak of a single person as a single person.
Only if you don't know the gender of a person, otherwise you'd be misgendering them, unless they use those pronouns. It's more courteous to use it instead of "he/she" because you never know!
I think it’s nice that “they” got approved as a singular pronoun by the dictionary because it takes away from stress of having to guess pronouns online. I think there are more specific, non masculine and feminine pronouns (“it” is used for objects but should never be used for people) such as Xe, Xemself. And I think they’re kind of dumb. I get that it’s supposed to be a substitution, but why would anyone make up new pronouns when “they” is dictionary approved, gender neutral and therefore very accommodating, and already widely used as a singular pronoun whether it be on purpose or by accident? Language evolves all the time, and I’m not surprised to see that “they” had transformed to describe both multiple people and a singular person.
Personally, I use "they" in the real, as well as digital, world because, well, I just don't know people all that well. I would rather say he or she, but when I'm talking to someone, I will either say they if we know who we're talking about, or it if I don't exactly know them or what they prefer as they gender-term. I get that "it" is seen as rude, but with how people react with me saying he/she around them, I kind of just use it so I don't put myself, or anyone immediately around me, at risk. And in all, they is just a useful word for me in general. As weird as it is, it sounds better than he/she/it in most cases. So, I just grew to have a preference for it, though this may change when the people around me stop reacting to what I have to say like numbskulls. We'll see, one day.
I use "they" a lot on the Internet until I can confirm someone's gende, mainly because I'm a bit worried that someone might get offended if I use just he and she. That being said, it is a little strange, but I won't judge.
I'll use they if I don't know what gender a person is (i.e. I've never actually met them before) or if I'm talking about a hypothetical situation where the person's gender is doesn't matter (for example, saying that someone will get a headache if they accidentally bump there head on something). Those are pretty much the only situations where I'll use they to refer to an individual instead on multiple people as otherwise it gets really confusing.
I do this almost exclusively, although it did take me quite a few years to get into the habit. As someone who doesn't like having gender pronouns used in reference to myself, it'd be a little hypocritical of me if I went around guessing people's genders, especially online! Although I've noticed that a fair few people - of the older generation especially - tend to frown a little at me if I use it around them, though...there is very much this assumption in society that gender and sex are the same thing and based upon appearance/anatomy, and that using "they" in reference to someone is somehow depersonalising them. Which is a little sad, but I suppose it's a lot easier than inquiring each and every time, most people won't take offense if you get it wrong the first time - but would if you asked, which I also find odd, but heyho - and it's kinda one of those things most people don't really think about, in my experience.
Agreed. This is how I feel about using the word "they" as well. In story-telling I can see using it a bit less, but that's just to make things easier to read. It can be difficult otherwise.
