Toilets. Suck.

{This entire article is satire, and me being dumb and just wanting to post something to get back into the feel of writing}

All people of any gender, has to use a toilet. Be it to actually go, or to avoid work, we all have to sit or be near a toilet at one point during the day. But with that, why do they have to suck??

In this article I will explain to you, why toilets suck and how I'd make them twenty times better.

We've all had that moment, sat too long and your leg goes numb. Upon trying to stand up, you fall forward a bit like you've been shanked in the knee. The toilet beckoning you back down, the toilet screaming "Siiiittt." WELL NO MORE OF THAT! On my industrial revolutionized toilet, we've installed a taser into the rim of the bowl. No more sudden aches while sitting. The taser will shock you if you sit for longer then five minutes. "Well what if I really need to go?" you might be asking. WELL, you just build a resistance to the shocks! Kinda like bullets, yourself with lower caliber bullets, and you can take high caliber bullets (Do not try this, this is stupid and satire) Just sit still and endure the shock, the more time passes the more you'll ignore it. EXCEPT FOR THE VOLTAGE IS RAPIDLY INCREASING!

Now, the design of the toilet is old. It's inconvenient, for the ladies they have to lower the seat, and for the men they have to raise it. So why not just make it so that it's one size fits all??? That's why i've made the beanbag toilet! You sit down and it morphs around you! No need to twist and turn with how uncomfortable the porcupine is. *that was supposed to be the thing a toilet is made out of , but i don't know how to spell it, so i substituted*

Now that back board of the toilet is pretty useless, sure it contains the mechanism of how the toilet works, and the water. But let's be real, it's pretty damned ugly. SO! I've replaced it with the sink. Your toilet and your sink are together, taking from the same pipe. The waters won't mix (unless somethings broken) So you'll be 100% safe! Along with this, we even added a hand drier, you know the really loud ones that they place in restaurants that barely dry your hand?

And are you sick of staring at the same wall while going? WELL! WE PUT SWIVEL CHAIR LEGS ONTO THE TOILET MAKING IT SO YOU CAN TRIVERSE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE ROOM! {Toilet.co industry is not liable for any of the following; death by drowning, vehicular manslaughter, death, automobile collisions, nausea, assassination attempts}


You may buy one of our industrial bean bag toilets at your nearest K-mart for only 3000$