Hello LV, I desperately need to vent this out as these are problems that have truly been weighing me down for some time. The first is the overly pessimistic view I have had towards life. The truth is we are not long for this world and what really sparked this were several people close to me over the past year dying. It started with my mom in September of last year which still fucking hurts. Her birthday is in a few days and yesterday (8/18) is exactly a month off of a year and it slowly has eaten me up. At around the same time I also lost one of my closest friends and a brother in arms of many years which ate me up just as much. In may I lost another close friend and all of this truly didn't help my view of things as it seemed no matter what I do I was just going to end up worse off from this. I still feel as if I haven't had time to process any of it and I'm clueless as to what to do. I have been in therapy for many years and am going to start having more meetings scheduled for the near future to deal with this. The second is that 3 people I have done close collaborations with (in some cases for as much as 7-8 years) and I have had deteriorating relationships and I'm not sure how long I'm going to be a part of that one circle that involves the authors in question. This all started back in January when In a group chat with the 3 of them where some things I said were taken heavily out of context which then went into many things that are not to be discussed. But the point is right now I don't know where I stand and it's killing me. The third and final thing we are going to discuss are my LV story commissions. I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON THEM. But they will be pushed back indefinitely with me messaging the person or people involved either on LV or on discord. Thank you all for listening, Dearsoldier/Katanaeyegaming
Not really sure if it's appropriate to just reply here, but oh well. I'm not going to try and act like I know what you're going through. I've been lucky enough to not have people super close to me die (some family members but not ones I lived with), and I have a pretty, I guess logical(?) view on death. It's natural, and you can't do anything to prevent it. And yes, our lives are barely anything in the grand scheme of things, but don't think about the grand scheme. Think about you, and what you want to do with your life. Everyone living at the same time as you has this current time to think about. We are not creatures meant to look at the big picture of the universe. On the second point, have you tried maybe telling this group what's been on your mind? If they understand, then great, and that'll lead to a resolution. If they don't listen, then maybe you should find some new friends. And FYI, the Discord server has a dedicated vent thread. You just have to link your accounts to access it. There are a lot of channels you have to link your accounts to see. I think there's a guide on how to do that in the Info Desk, but if you can't find it feel free to ask a mod, or just ask publicly in the status posts. I can guarantee someone will help you. I'd offer my help, but I'm not that great at giving instructions all the time and I don't really remember how to do it myself.
I don't know if this will help but there's this one song that really speaks to me when I'm down. You should give it a listen when you feel like it. It's called 'Don't let it break your heart' by Louis Tomlinson. Life gets hard and it gets messed up When you give so much but it's not enough Don't you let it kill you Even when it hurts like hell Oh whatever tears you apart Don't let it break your heart. There's also this another song by the same artist called 'Two of us.' It's one of my favorites, I hope you give it a listen. So I will keep you day and night Here until the day I die I'll be living one life for the two of us. Most importantly, sending love and hugs your way, mate.
