It's a simple question that becomes more complex the more that you think about it. It often happens that the more we think about something, the greater the depth, meaning, and significance that it has...and many would argue that there is nothing more significant than the concept of self-identity. How we perceive ourselves has a massive impact, whether conscious or not, on the way that we interact with others, view the world around us, and our own internal thought processes and feelings. But then, it can be as simple or as complex as you like. So I ask you again, members of LV: Who are you? What qualities do you possess that you feel define you as an individual? What aspects of yourself do you seek to nurture and develop, and what do you seek to repress or change...and why? How do you perceive yourself as an individual, and how satisfied are you with this? Also, this is a thread for self-reflection, not self-judgement. Even if you are not satisfied with who you are and see yourself as holding many negative qualities, try to see things in a more objective light - remember, from a certain perspective, a negative can be a positive! ...of course, the reverse is also true, but that is neither here nor there...or is it? You tell me!
The first things that come to my mind are that I'm a writer, I'm a bit socially awkward and often don't feel comfortable around people, though I want to. I'm very open with my own emotions, though I don't know how to deal with other people's. I don't necessarily think that I should repress my emotions, but maybe work on how I express them. I can express emotions through writing, but it's harder when I have to do it out loud, especially when it's on the spot (I freeze up when I feel under social pressure). If I'm feeling overwhelmed by a situation, I may lash out, emotionally breakdown, or mentally shut down (sometimes a combination of the three). This has caused my peers to be scared of me in the past, which in turn has caused me to isolate myself from them more, because I already feel judged when I'm around people, so why would I want to be around people that I know judge me? Right now I'm mostly working on learning to recognize at what point I should take myself out of a situation, when I should mentally block it out and just do my own thing, and when I should just silently wait through what is bothering me. I'm not exactly completely satisfied with who I am, but considering I'm in the middle of trying to get to know myself, I think that's kinda to be expected.
Hmm... let’s see... *prepare for big fat text wall* I’m a very reserved person when I’m not around friends. I’m the kid in class who rarely speaks and gets good grades. In class, I’m not focused on attention and as a result, I “slip under the radar” sort of. That aside, when I’m with my (not too many) friends, I’m silly and opened up. I’ll make jokes or show them memes. I’m more open about my opinions to them. When I’m not with friends, I close up and tend to get lost in my thoughts. Hence why in class, most of the time I shut away my personality. (I’m also not very popular but I don’t care about popularity. Besides, being popular means that more people talk to, and bother, you.) Speaking of personality, I have many interests, but not many people my age share them. I’m a gamer (Pokémon being my main game, which ironically I know hardly anyone who plays). I also watch a lot of TV shows (but they’re mostly animated shows “for kids” such as Gravity Falls). I’ve recently been getting more and more interested in art and writing, but I don’t consider myself all too good at them. I also have interest in photography, and I have my own camera (a purple Nikon Coolpix B500 to be specific). I also like memes and sometimes make my own. Oh yeah, and I’m also in a marching band. No biggie. Kidding, band is a big part of my personality. Ever since last year, color guard has changed my life in ways I could never imagine. As for family, I am the second child of 5 (one older brother, three younger sisters) and I don’t look like any of them. I take after my mom the most, while my sisters take after my dad. I actually don’t have too much in common with them, aside from my brother and I being the hardcore gamers, and that we all like the classics such as Drake and Josh and iCarly. Do I dislike them for this? A little, but it’s definitely not enough to say I hate them. Spoiler: Sorry this part is especially big so it’s in a spoiler tab One of, if not, my biggest flaws is my social skills. I’m not too good at carrying conversations (unless I’m very interested) and I say a lot of “oh”s and “yeah”s. In group projects, somehow I end up doing no work— not because I’m lazy, but because the other people have already swooped in and I don’t know how to contribute. This makes me feel incredibly guilty— like I want to help but I don’t know how. It makes me feel left out and guilty for doing absolutely nothing. Story ↓ Spoiler: Can I put a spoiler inside a spoiler Oh wow I can! One big example is a court case thing we had in our religion class this semester. We had to research whether or not students should be arrested for academic dishonesty (cheating, plagiarism, etc.) and so I started looking something up but some people in my group were already doing something else and I was left behind. So the day came to present our stuff and we had all our research and stuff done. Of course I did nothing because I got left out. I was already nervous for the court hearing because we’ve never done it before and we were the first group to go, and on top of that, I still felt extremely guilty. I ended up having an anxiety attack and was crying most of the class period, feeling guilty and worrying about my grade. So yeah that’s my accompanying story. I also struggle with making friends. As I already mentioned, while I do have many interests, they aren’t necessarily common among people my age. For example, many kids my age are on their phones on maybe snapchat/social media all the time. While I do go on social media, I’m not glued to it. Nor do I have snapchat or instagram. To me, making friends is easy when you share a common interest with the person. Since I don’t have “normal” interests, I’m stuck not wanting to embarrass myself by saying “yes I love Pokémon.” I guess that’s another part of this issue- I get embarrassed about revealing things I like. For example- “wow, you play Pokémon? What a nerd.” or “You still watch Spongebob? What a child.” I guess I worry too much about what others think. I know I shouldn’t, but I still imagine what people would say if I told them that I liked Pokémon, for example. Another issue of mine is my terrible focus. I’m pretty sure I have ADD (it’s not confirmed). So I have tendencies to get distracted when I’m trying to work or study. Examples include staring at nothing for no reason, going on Discord/Youtube/Wattpad/LV, and focusing too much on music when I should be working. (I should be doing homework now.) I had medicine that was supposed to help me focus, but I honestly can’t tell if it made any difference in my focus. In short, I am introverted, I have many diverse interests, yet don’t know many who share the interests, I get distracted easily, and I think way too much.
Simply put, I am the Avatar, master of all four elements This is a topic that I have been taking time to think about today, and I finally feel ready to write a post here. While the person I portray on Lake Valor is similar to my real personality, there are certain parts of my life that are unknown to this community, and will remain unknown, likely forever. I will discuss only the things I feel comfortable putting on an internet platform, with as much detail as I can before reaching the barrier I set for myself. I am a freshman college, slightly older than many of the current freshmen, due to the life choices I have made thus far, particularly to leave my life behind for two years for a religious mission (which I will not go into great detail for many reasons). I am quiet, yet social. Distracted, yet observant. Kind, yet bold when necessary. Loving, yet demanding of love in return. I am more likely to start a conversation than the student next to me, but I am less likely to start the second. I love people, interacting with them, and deepening bonds with everybody. However, this won't happen if they show no interest, so I tend to back away before that happens with many people. This is not because I'm shy (which I am, but doesn't have to do with this), this is because I want to be accepted by those closest to me. I hate inconveniencing people. This has lead me to deal with far too many things alone. I know that all people have struggles, and I want to help them any way I can. The feeling that I cannot shake off is that I do not need to watch my own health. The well-being of others is often wemore important to me than my personal well-being. One of my greatest strengths and weaknesses I have is that of seeking perfection. I want to be the best person I can be, but I am far too hard on myself at times. When I have not fixed a personal issue within a few days, I become easily discouraged and often move on. My self-esteem has never been the best, but it has never been in a state of wanting to harm myself or those around me. I am incredibly self aware of how I physically appear to those around me, due to my lack of hygienic knowledge from when I was a kid. Repeating that is unacceptable to me, so I always enter public with good hygiene and clean clothes. I am well aware of many of my flaws, but I am satisfied with the path that I am on. To me, it is important to be headed in the right direction in life. I feel that I am heading towards the person I want to become, not away. As long as I'm doing that, I'm happy and satisfied. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Edit: Edited some details and added more. I spent most of my childhood indoors with my middle aged parents. The only friends I had were neighbors and other autistic kids at school. Since I had no other role models, my morals became an amalgamation of theirs. I am a person who is constantly in reflection. If I am not talking or listening, I am thinking about something. It could be my life, my hobbies, or whatever is happening in the world. The depression and self loathing I had a few years ago were made worse from this fact. By controlling my thoughts, I was able to overcome them. I am entirely motivated by long term goals. If I don’t have something to strive for, I get frustrated and confused. Being polite and doing service work are things I do because I enjoy doing them and because they are the right thing to do. Looking good or getting praise are not things I’m interested in. I do not like holding grudges on people because they don’t accomplish anything and make me feel like a bad person. The main traits I am not a fan of are hostility, hypocrisy, and apathy for other people. I do everything in my power to not have those traits. I believe honest discussions are the only way to make an agreement. Unless I feel unsafe, I will try to find a positive way to settle a disagreement. When I’m around someone I’m comfortable with, I can converse with them for quite some time. If they are a stranger I’ll struggle to even open my mouth. Due to my isolated environment and autism, I still struggle with certain social cues and expectations. For example, I can’t hold eye contact without repeatedly looking at a person’s forehead. I also ramble if I’m particularly interested in a subject.
Who am I? 2 4 6 0 1! I'm sorry I had to To be honest, I have no idea who I am. For now, I'm just rolling with "I'm some weirdo who likes some games and chemistry". I honestly don't think I can define myself without going into insane detail and then throwing in the wrong adjectives. I also tend to react in completely opposite ways when approached by different situations, so when I judge myself from a distance, I seem to have multiple different sides, none of which I can explain that well. I'm still way too dumb to define who I am, aside from "a bunch of cells". Generally, I don't think I can really answer your questions, because even I don't know.
I'm extremely stubborn, and I hate people telling me I can't do something. If you tell me that I can't, I'll just try that much harder.
Hmm... well first of all I am a prankster, always trying to make others happy (or annoyed), and one of the noisiest in class~ However, I have deep respect for others, and I feel awkward when they are angry, sad or uncomfortable because of my actions. Maybe that's why I'm shy around people I don't know or rarely talk to~ I am also very nationalistic, and feel more comfortable speaking my native tongue and talking about local themes. I don't really see the value of money, maybe for buying sustenance, I do, but I don't want to have it all. Thus I despise our current government and mindset that everything is a business. I would rather have simple life, where everyone shares what they have rather than asking for something in return. Then there is the dark side of me, wanting people to fear me and feeling satisfaction in seeing others cower in fear. Sometimes I would rather stay in the dark, even though I am genuinely afraid of it. I find reptiles, bloodthirsty monsters and demons fascinating, and sometimes imitate them to pleasure myself and scare others. I am also quite sadistic, and quite recently a masochist. The worse part is, I'm beginning to like this other half. And I'm not depressed, in fact I hate the idea of death. But sometimes I question our very existence, what happens after death? What will happen at the true end of our universe? Will we just cease to exist? What would it feel like? Would we even feel at all? And finally in my centre, I'm a curious child that just wants to learn. I am fascinated by the beauty of math, science, art, music, literature, especially nature. That in the chaos in this world, there is a hidden order. That there can be peace in the midst of our crazy world. I want to uncover the complex world we live in, whether dark or light. Everything, big or small, good or bad, has a meaning, a purpose. And that curious child who wants to explore the simple yet intricate wonders of nature, I guess that is who I am.
The first thing that came to my mind was that I'm a human. Idk if that's in a funny way or what but of course, we are nothing but flesh. Filled with flaws and talents. Distress and happiness. If I talk about myself, I'd say that I'm a spiritual person, yes. My behavior is fine and I think people like me. I am surely an over thinker. I actually would like to be able to control my temper a bit. Well, I do in a nice way, but, I want to have full control over it. Also, @Dawn, I really like your thoughts.
