I'm Not That Girl

This was a stab at my own prompt I shared on Tumblr: use the song "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked as a model for what Misty's feelings are the first time she hears about That Scene from the end of XY/Z. First piece of fan fiction I've written since the teenage years.

To get our canon straight: everything happened just as it did in the show through the end of XY/Z, except that they age. One year per region, and if you count the Battle Frontier, that'd make Ash and Misty 17 going on 18.

"Pikachu is unable to battle! Gyarados is the winner!"

The great fish let out a mighty roar. Louder and fiercer than usual, or called for in this situation in Misty's opinion.

He must be proud, she thought as she recalled him. Not many Water Pokémon could take down two Electric challengers in a row without breaking a sweat. They weren't the biggest or strongest Electric-types in the world, but that wouldn't matter to Gyarados.

She felt a bit of pride herself. It was her best match in two weeks. Ever since the call, she'd been distracted and unsure, had messed up in pitched fights and blown some easy wins. Today, her mind was clear and focused, and she'd led her team to a flawless victory.

Even if it hadn't been much of a challenge. A low-level Magnemite and a freshly-caught Pikachu might damage some Water teams, but not one as well-trained and powerful as Misty's. And the trainer at the other end of the pool - Ken - couldn't have been more than twelve, and had just started his Pokémon journey.

He wasn't taking the loss well. He held his unconscious Pikachu tightly in his arms, and even with his eyes covered by the brim of his blue Kanto League hat, he looked as if he were about to cry. Misty sighed at the sight; competitive as she was, winning was the best part of being a gym leader, but facing up against as many rookies as she did, hurting their spirits when she won was the worst part. And this little kid was clearly hurt.

"Poor guy," Misty said softly. She took a step toward the edge of her platform.

"Hold on, Misty."

"Huh?" She looked over at her sister. What's wrong, Daisy?" She probably wants another breakdown. Her oldest sister had taken to serving as a battle judge to try and learn more about Pokémon training, and she had a list of questions as long as her make-up bill after every match. It was good that she wanted to learn, but right now, it could wait.

But that's not what Daisy had in mind. "I think you might, like, wanna skip the pep talk this time."

"What? Why? I always talk to trainers after a match, win or lose."

"Yeah, but usually you haven't, like, totally destroyed the trainer's team."

"I didn't destroy his team!"

Daisy just pointed in response. Misty followed her finger back over to Ken. His Pikachu still hadn't come to, and now that Misty really stopped to look, it did seem to be in rough shape. Its fur had been crisped black from ear tips to tail tips by Gyarados's Flamethrower attack. Both his Flamethrower attacks, and the second one hadn't been necessary. That Bite really did a number on Magnemite too. And I didn't need to swap Gyarados in at all; Milotic was doing just fine on her own.

And before she could even ask herself the question, Misty realized why she'd been so brutal. The League cap; the Pikachu; he even had the same sort of messy hair and big brown eyes. She'd noticed all of this when he came in, but she'd forgotten about it right away...she thought.

Daisy had come over to her. "I'll, like, talk to him. But I don't think he needs us."

"What do you mean?"

Daisy pointed over towards Ken again. He had been joined by his travelling partner, who Misty had barely noticed when they first came in. She was around the same age as he was, if a little taller, with red hair kept in a long braid. She knelt by Ken's side, but while Misty couldn't hear what she was saying, it was clear that she wasn't giving a typical consoling speech. There was a frown on her face and she was shaking her finger at Ken. But her methods had gotten him out of his funk; he seemed much more focused on bickering with her now, even as their hands latched together.

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl...

A hand fell on Misty's shoulder. Daisy was looking at her with a sad smile. "I think we should close the gym for the day after they leave. We don't need you taking it out on more challengers, right?"

When she was Ken's age, Misty would've blushed and vehemently denied what her sister had just implied. Now, she simply nodded. Without another look at her challenger and his friend, she stepped off her platform and slipped down the hall leading from the battle arena to the main lobby.

Her bike was there, right outside the glass doors, chained to one of the pillars. What started it all. Beyond the bike was the path that led away from the gym, away from Cerulean. Not a day had passed since she'd taken up the role of gym leader where Misty hadn't thought at least once about striking out on that path again. She'd been needed - was still needed - here at home, and she was happy and proud of the work she'd done. But something inside her still longed to roam. And would roam again, someday - someday soon, if Daisy kept up with her lessons.

And if she hadn't dreamt of going down the path, she'd dreamt of someone coming up it to see her.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy...

While never as prim and proper as her sisters, Misty did like to keep a clean bedroom. It was anything but right now. Her busy schedule didn't leave her much time to clean as it was, but she'd been in no state of mind to care about appearances since the call. Her sheets were ruffled, papers and books lay scattered everywhere, and the garbage bin was overstuffed with containers from all the cheap take-out places she'd ordered her meals from.

At least it's no messier than I am, Misty thought as she caught herself in the mirror. She'd been swimming laps for almost an hour when Ken had turned up, and she'd had no time to change or shower off before the match. She was sticky with dried sweat and pool water, her hair was fried from the chlorine, and she could still taste the salt of the sea water pool on her lips.

"Psy?"

Psyduck waddled over to her from the bed, carrying a light blue swimming jacket and dark blue short shorts in his flippers. The dope had popped out of his pokéball during the call and had refused to go back in since. Misty had stopped trying to return him; she was glad for the company.

"Thanks, Psyduck." She slipped into the shorts first, then tossed the jacket over her white bathing suit. Her bed was what she came up here for, but it didn't seem worth the effort to cross the room, so she fell into the chair at her desk instead. It was covered, as it had been for two weeks, with photos. Photos she'd taken, photos she'd had taken, photos she'd been sent. The common figure linking them all wasn't her; it was a Murcrow-haired trainer with chocolate eyes and a great big smile. Misty was with him in some of the pictures, but not in any on top of the pile. Those were the ones Ash had sent from Kalos.

"Sent" was being generous. He'd dropped Misty a line a few times during his latest League quest, but most of the pictures, and most of her news of him, came from Mrs. Ketchum. She'd made sure to keep Misty even more in the loop for Kalos, not only to keep the girl up-to-date on Ash's journey, but because she knew how much a romantic like Misty loved Kalos culture. The photo nearest to her was taken at the base of Prism Tower in Lumiose City, the one place in the world Misty most wanted to visit before she died. When she and Ash were travelling together, she used to fantasize that they'd take on the Kalos League after Johto and spend plenty of time in the city. And while Brock was distracted by the local Joys and Jennys, she and Ash could slip off to the tower...

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in...

With Ash at Prism Tower were his Kalosian friends; a roly-poly boy with glasses, a little blonde instantly recognizable as the boy's sister, and a beautiful girl. Misty knew all their names, had even talked to them the two or three times Ash had called her. Serena was soft-voiced and a little shy on the phone, but she had been perfectly sweet and charming when they talked. Ash and Mrs. Ketchum had nothing but nice things to say about the girl. Misty had really liked Serena, and had no reason to be upset with her.

Except the way she looked at Ash. And talked to him. And talked about him. And how, when their time as travel companions came to an end, she'd said good-bye to him.

Mrs. Ketchum always called when Ash came home from a League. When she'd called after Kalos, Tracey had happened to ring at the same time, so they'd made it a conference call. Both of them had seemed a little nervous, but Misty couldn't imagine why. Until, while talking about Ash's flight, Tracey had let the news slip. News that they clearly hadn't wanted to break to her, but aside from one good scream, Misty felt she'd taken it well. After all, it wasn't the first time. And at least Serena was a nice girl, not some hot-stuff festival maiden looking to show off. Jealousy was much easier to keep under control when the one stealing a kiss from Ash was a sweetheart half a world away.

Still, once the cat was out of the bag, she couldn't help but ask questions, and she wouldn't let her callers dodge them. It seemed that Ash hadn't been himself since he'd told his mother about that kiss. He'd taken to that most un-Ash of activities: brooding. And, when he'd paid a visit to Oak Ranch, Tracey had walked in on him making a phone call to Brock, asking for girl advice.

A call he'd immediately come to regret, from what Tracey had heard, but that didn't change the facts. Ash Ketchum; the boy Misty had followed all over the continent for three years and met up with as often as she could for another two; the young man whose exploits she'd followed for the three years since meeting up stopped being an option; the reason every stab she made at dating fell apart; direction-challenged, thick-headed, Pokémon-obsessed, big-hearted, hero-playing Ash Ketchum had finally been turned on to girls by a kiss.

And it wasn't Misty's.

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome...she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl...

She'd made it through the rest of the call well enough. She'd even managed to smile and change the subject. Only after Mrs. Ketchum and Tracey had let her go had the tears started. Only then had the rage kicked in as she lashed out at Psyduck, screaming at her poor Pokémon all the things she wanted to scream at Ash. When her anger was spent, the tears got worse, and she'd pulled the duck into a tight hug, crying into his feathers for the rest of the night.

She hadn't cried since. That had to be a good thing, right? That when it's obvious that your childhood crush turned much, much more is in love with someone else, you only let the water works flow once?

Of course, she'd been crying inside for the two weeks after the call, and apparently took it all out on the trainers who came to her, so that didn't help her argument.

"Psy."

Psyduck had taken hold of her legs. The look in his eyes as he stared up at her was as uncomprehending as ever, but his feathers felt warm.

"Well," she smiled, reaching down to pat the water fowl's head, "at least I'll always have one dopey man in my life, right?"

"Psy." She assumed that meant yes.

"YOU!"

Daisy might have been in the room for how loud her voice was. From shock Misty kicked out, sending Psyduck crashing into the book case.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Psyduck!" She started over towards him.

"YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE SHOWING UP HERE, KID!"

"Wha - what did I do?"

Ash.

Psyduck would be fine, she decided - the dumb duck crashed himself into at least three things a day. She bolted out the door, following the sound of her sister's screaming.

"DON'T YOU PLAY DUMB WITH ME, MISTER! YOU'RE LUCKY I ANSWERED THE DOOR, OR ELSE YOU'D, LIKE, TOTALLY HAVE GYARADOS IN YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW!"

"Huh? Why would Gyarados -"

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERE FOR HER, ARE YOU? YOU JUST WANT A BATTLE OR A TRADE, OR SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO EVOLVE YOUR FROAKIE OR WHATEVER!"

"Actually, he already evolved, but -"

"WHERE'S YOUR FLOOZY, ANYWAY?"

"My what? Look, is Misty -"

"IF YOU THINK I'M LETTING YOU ANYWHERE NEAR MY SISTER, THEN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING -"

"Daisy!"

Misty practically slid into the lobby. Her sister was flush with rage, and her fists were trembling. Ash stood back by the doors, looking utterly lost. So did Pikachu, though he perked up as soon as he saw Misty. With a happy "Pikachupi!" he leapt from Ash's shoulder, bounded across the room, and jumped into Misty's arms.

"It's OK, Daisy," Misty said, smiling in spite of herself as Pikachu cuddled against her. "I can handle this."

Daisy looked as if she wanted to say are you sure, but she nodded and walked back toward the battle area, stopping to give Ash the death glare and the "I'm watching you" sign with her fingers.

"What's her problem?" Ash asked as soon as the blonde Waterflower was out of earshot.

"Nothing." She's just learned to be a good sister. Misty hadn't exactly told Daisy and the others what had upset her so much, so they'd guessed. They hit close to the mark, but their imaginations had also invented a whole mess of shady details that weren't true and weren't fair, to Ash or Serena. Misty hadn't been in the mood to correct them, but as much as part of her loved seeing Daisy cow Ash like that, she couldn't let him suffer.

"It's been a long time, Ash." Her standard greeting.

"Yeah." His standard reply. He'd grown since they met last. He was taller than her now, with a lanky build, and he'd started to grow some side burns. She stayed at the mouth of the hallway, and he stayed over by the doors. Pikachu climbed from her arms to her shoulder, his little paws digging into her hair.

She broke the silence first. "I saw your final match in the Kalos League. I'm really proud of you, Ash. That was an amazing battle."

"Oh..." Ash's hand went to the back of his head as he gave her an almost sheepish grin. "You saw that?"

"Uh-huh. And I was with your mom watching the news when Team Flare attacked. You really had us worried." Not that they ever weren't worried about him. He doesn't have me to pull him out of the water anymore. She wondered if Serena was a strong enough swimmer to save him, because knowing Ash, it was a miracle he hadn't been in a near-drowning situation in Kalos.

"Yeah - it was amazing, Misty!" And he was off, regaling her with a cliff notes version of all his exploits since his last message. His storytelling had improved over the years, and if he still bragged a little, or teared up when he came to the part about Greninja, Misty didn't mind. He asked after the gym too, and she did her best to make it sound more exciting than it was. There were some pointed barbs and shots thrown back and forth, but that was just how they were. It was nice. It was as if she'd never had to leave him.

And never had she more wished she hadn't had to than now.

"So what's next, Ash?" she finally asked him. "Are you going to try re-challenging one of the Leagues you've already faced?"

"Actually, we're going on vacation!"

"Pika!"

"Yeah, Mr. Mime won us a trip to Alola. We're leaving from Vermillion City in two days!"

"That's amazing! I wish I could go!" If Lumiose City was first on her bucket list, Alola was second. The Orange Islands had been nice, but Alola had all those Water Pokémon she'd never seen. The island trials were fascinating. And the beaches...she could just imagine walking along one at sunset as the tide came in, hand in hand with...

Don't wish. Don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart...

"Ahem."

She'd been staring off into space, she realized. She turned back to Ash. He was standing up tall, and he looked more mature, and more serious, than she'd ever seen him.

"I'm glad I caught you before I left, Misty. There's something I need to tell you."

"Oh?"

He nodded. Some of the maturity left him as he looked away nervously, hand back behind his head. Pikachu hopped from Misty's shoulder and ran back to his master to give his leg an encouraging pat. Ash smiled down at his starter before looking back up at Misty.

"See, when I left Kalos, Serena... it shouldn't have been a big deal. I mean, I was surprised, but it's not like girls haven't kissed me before. Or Pokémon. The name of her flight was even Latias, if you can..."

He stopped; something on Misty's face must have tipped him off how little she liked where he was going with that. "Anyway - I didn't really think about it 'til I got home, but after I told Mom about it...I knew it wasn't the same kind of kiss. I know I've never been good with all this love junk, but...well, it made a lot of funny stuff she did around me make a lot more sense..."

Misty wasn't sure where Ash was going with this. If he was just embarrassed to tell his best friend that he was in love, if he was planning to follow Serena to Hoenn once he got back from vacation, or if his sudden revelations about girls included finally realizing how she felt and he was trying to let her down gently. And she wasn't sure how she'd react when it came time to answer him. Even after all these years, anger was still her go-to cloak for grief, and she lashed out the worst at those she loved most.

What Misty was sure of was that she could never truly give Ash up, and if that meant they would only ever be best friends and that she was doomed to an empty love life, then she'd just have to find a way through this and save the tears for later. She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes, steeling herself for what she was sure was coming.

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so...

"Yeah..." she opened her eyes. He'd come much, much closer. "And it made a lot of funny stuff that you - that we - always do around each other make sense too..."

...I am that girl?

Lest there be any confusion - yes. Yes she is. And presumably, it never occurred to Ash to tell his mother or Tracey or anyone else just who he was brooding over, hence the confusion. Sudden epiphany ≠ cure for lifelong denseness.