Here's a side story one shot thing of my fanfic~ You should be able to tell who the MC is if you read Pokémon: A New World~ "From Little Acorns..." Two trainers stood opposed to each other atop Mt. Eclipse, a young woman and a young man. Both emanated a fierce determination. "I've already won and you know it!" Gloated the fashionably dressed woman. She wore long pink hair under a white hat, a pink and white blouse and matching boots. She smirked gently at the man opposite of her. "Give up while you still have your dignity!" "Feh!" Snorted the black haired man. He donned a black and green coat along with spiked boots of a similar color. On the back of his coat was a Haxorus insignia. "Too soon you gloat little Beautifly. We're far too experienced to let a fairy stop us!" The woman chuckled before sending out a Togekiss. The winged fairy beamed brightly in confidence. "Fine, don't say I didn't warn you, Dragonman!" "You know what to do!" The man commanded as a Dragonite burst onto the field. ...... "Wake up, Sieg!" Ryuu Wyrm, son of Suoh Wyrm, the current Dragon Master, wailed, slamming on Siegfried Amity's room door. Sieg dragged himself from his straw bed, staggering to his wardrobe. "Get up!" "I'm up!" Sieg snarled, ripping his attire from the wooden storage. He forced himself into his simple grey shirt, and his black pants. Along with that, he donned black boots with a green trim, and matching gloves. He slapped himself awake, before yanking his door open, revealing Ryuu. "Took long enough." He insulted. Ryuu had tan skin, and an odd shade of teal for a mane. He dressed in an light orange coat, a white undershirt, and dark blue pants. Lastly, he donned a pair of orange and blue boots. He was a noticeable three inches shorter than Sieg. "Seriously, my father's gonna be pissed!" "I'd rather sleep than please that old man." He dismissed. Ryuu scowled in annoyance. "Look... He's our master... and my father..." Ryuu sighed. "Just please play nice..." "Feh." Sieg snorted, pushing past his friend. They made their way down the hall, exiting into the open air of the garden. The mountain of Fang was incredibly tall, passing the lower cloud layers. A flock of the serpent like Dragonair glided over the temple, playing in the higher clouds. Sieg shifted his gaze to a horde of hard headed Bagon attempting to fly after them. One stood out, as it had makeshift wings wrapped around it. It chased the Dragonair until it tripped, falling into the garden pond. Sieg swayed his head back and forth at the impatient creatures, before continuing to the main temple. "That was something else." Ryuu commented as they approached the large staircase. "It really wants to fly so badly that it built little wings for itself." "It'll get its wings eventually." He responded. "But until then, it has to be patient. Strength doesn't come from rushing yourself." "Oh?" Ryuu sneered. "So, you did take after one of the master's lessons!" "Just because I disagree with some things doesn't mean that I disagree with everything." Sieg informed. "He's still a fool. Dismissing those born weaker." "He just wants what's best for you..." Ryuu sighed, opening the main room's doors. Inside a flock of trainees stood below the master and his Dragonite. He was a large man with white hair and a beard. Despite being quite aged, he maintained his physique well. He donned robes and a dragon shaped staff. Matching him, his Dragonite was above average sized, reaching near eight feet tall. Ryuu and Sieg quietly joined the back row. "Now the time has come, children!" The master, Suoh, chanted to the crowd. A large gate behind him began to open, allowing numerous baby dragons to wander inside. They varied in species and size, from Axew to Gible to Goomy. "Choose only the strongest, my children!" He ended, shooting a look to Sieg and Ryuu. "Time to decide." Ryuu mumbled to himself, wandering off. "Whatever." Sieg groaned, watching as numerous trainees met with their future partners. A noticeably large Axew lorded itself over a much smaller Axew. "Hey, check this out!" Ryuu interrupted, reapproaching Sieg. A large Dratini coiled around his arm. "This thing's huge!" "Not bad." Sieg complimented. "Have you found one yet?" Ryuu grinned, following his gaze. "Man! That Axew's gigantic!" "Yeah..." Sieg watched as it bullied the smaller Axew, shooing any potential partners away. "That small one..." "No!" Ryuu growled. "No! No! No! You can't be stuck with that tiny thing! It has no potential whatsoever!" "What's this?" Suoh approached them. "Have you decided on your partner, Siegfried?" "Maybe." Sieg answered, eyeing the tiny Axew. Suoh followed his sight, before letting out an audible gasp. He growled, brushing past the trainees and dragons. Sieg hastily chased the master. "H-hey!" Ryuu panicked, running after him. "The runt?" Suoh interrogated, causing the crowd to watch them. The large Axew leapt at the master as he approached, only to get knocked away by his staff. As he reached out for the runt, Sieg gripped the old man's wrist. "W-what?" "Leave it alone." Sieg growled, holding out his free hand to the Axew. It quickly ran to his side, hopping onto his shoulder. "It's my partner." "Oh, Siegfried..." Suoh groaned. "Why would you want such a tiny, feeble creature at your side? It won't be able to keep up, grow as strong, or even prove itself. So, why would cripple yourself so?" "...Because." Sieg laughed in a low, caustic tone. "It's cute." "Cute?" Suoh growled. "Oh no..." Ryuu averted his gaze, while the rest of the trainees gasped. "Cute?" Suoh laughed, annoyed. "Cute? A dragon is not cute. A dragon is strong. Powerful. Never cute. Only the strongest thrive in the world of dragons. The cute crash down in a blaze of failure." "Goodra's pretty cute too." Sieg pushed. "Albeit a bit chubby. But that adds to it a bit." "S-Sieg!" Ryuu panicked, flailing his arms wildly. "Please stop pushing him!" "Why?" Sieg sneered. "...Get out." Suoh demanded, coldly. "Get out. Leave that runt... and get out of my sight. I'm tired of dealing with you Siegfried." "...No." Sieg growled, walking away with Axew. His footsteps echoed through the room as he made his way out, slamming the temple door behind him. He stomped through the garden, returning to his room and packing his things. The Axew looked at him in confusion as he placed it on the ground. "Xew?" It tilted its head. "We're leaving this place." Sieg explained. "I'm gonna go prove that you're really strong. The only question, is how?" "Ax!" Axew jumped in excitement. "Hmm?" Sieg paused, looking out his window. Near his home was the Fang Gym. That's it! "Ax?" Axew paused, following his gaze. "Let's get out of here." Sieg grabbed his stuffed bag with a grin, letting Axew back onto his shoulder. He exited his room and made his way to the gate. He stepped through the large, decorated arch, and began to descend the endless staircase. "Where are you going!?" Ryuu interrogated Siegfried as he descended the mountain. "Are you really stealing the master's runt of an Axew!?" "If he won't treat the little guy with the respect he deserves..." Siegfried snarled. "Then he doesn't deserve to see him surpass his Dragonite!" "Don't insult my father!" Ryuu snapped, grabbing him by the arm. "Why can't you see that he's only trying to prevent the weak from dragging you down!?" "Only a fool believes that the weak will drag him down!" He rebutted, pulling his arm away. "I'll turn Axew into a mighty Haxorus! Together, we'll become Champion!" ...... Goodra wailed as it was launched back in defeat. It launched one last Thunderbolt at the opposing Azumarill, bringing it to defeat along side it. His opponent returned her defeated Azumarill in annoyance. Siegfried returned his second to last Pokémon, preparing his ace. "Are you prepared, little Beautifly!" "I'm surprised you lasted this long!" She chuckled, preparing her last Pokémon as well. "But, it is you who must be prepared! Gardevoir!" She warned, sending out a green and white humanoid Pokémon. "Haxorus!" Siegfried sent out his partner. He was a grey and green coloration, with large red tusks protruding from his jaw. He stood seven feet tall, larger than any other Haxorus. "Cute." She insulted, standing proudly beside her own ace. "Moonblast!" "You're right about one thing." Siegfried sneered as Gardevoir blasted Haxorus with a single orb of pink energy. An explosion covered the land Haxorus stood on, forcing up snow and dirt. The dust slowly dissipated, revealing that Haxorus was completely unscathed. "Haxorus is damn cute." "...Mighty Oaks Grow"
Would you mind if I gave feedback or? I just know that some people prefer not to have it unsolicited so :'D
It's lengthy because I'm a nerd and a teacher, so I can't help but get detailed, it's a not a reflection on you I promise :'D haha I've (hopefully) got them all in order of when they appear in the story so you can have it open in a tab next to it and follow it down to see what I'm referring to. It's a matter of personal taste maybe, but I'm not sure if I find the title a teeensy bit cliche, seeing as I think that comes from a well known song or something, but I appreciate how it pushes the moral of the story so it's just a minor thing to consider stood "opposite" each other would be better "gentle smirk" is good, I like that description "he donned" at that point insinuates that he is getting dressed during the battle itself, "he had donned" or something alternative would be better avoid repetition of the more obvious/unique words (donned gets used a second time shortly after the first) donned is used for a third time shortly after again, definitely would suggest in a piece of this size only using it once "in his grey shirt and blank pants" would be better (the "and his" isn't necessary) ripping the attire from the wardrobe, revealing ryuu and green trim are all good additions really lovely vision of the dragons at the temple and a really nice subtle hint about the story to come with the winged bagon analogy, the best part of the story in my opinion "swaying his head at them" doesn't work that well, was he shaking his head at them in exasperation or moving his head back and forth like watching a tennis match? rewording would make the action clearer "so you did take after one of master's lessons?" "Take after" is more likely a phrase used to describe an inherited attribute, in this case it would sound better as something like "take note of" or "pick up on" the dialogue about weakness is good the descriptions of the variety of dragons is good, this is a vital part because it needs to be clear there are more than just the two choices when he gets to the big and small axew "followed his line of sight" (add "line") "even prove itself" - seems like it's a bit too much foreshadowing, considering we already know from the title and the flashback intro that it's the main theme of the story, as good as foreshadowing is, I think it's important to keep a fine balance about it and ensure that you don't make the whole thing so inevitable that people don't bother to read all the way to the end (more important with longer stories I guess but it can't hurt) it might make more sense to tell him to leave and not necessarily keep making a point about him letting the axew go as well, after the first time he requests it, seeing as he theoretically isn't in a nuzlocke situation and therefore will have other Pokémon with him in his life, but this is still up to you if you think its more of a theft type situation. I personally felt like there was a little too much of the "zomg wtf let go of that Pokémon" than made sense, I mean he thinks it's a bad choice sure, but it doesn't actually seem to be something that will effect him personally, whether the hero succeeds or not (aka the leader guy doesn't gain or lose no matter which starter the hero chooses?) I like the moral message about the weak not dragging you down because it sends a subtle message about the concept of building others up not being a cost to you personally, which is really great "he rebutted" don't think that's really working, a simple "he argued" would do "bringing it to a defeat on the ground at it's side" or some other rewording, it's not clear enough to tell which Pokémon is doing what or landing where "little beautifly" - consider also reducing this to just once in the story instead of twice, even though it's at both ends of the story physically it's technically still only minutes later in the chronological sense, and er, personally I find it almost a bit creepy as a nickname but that's just my personal feeling, you could still use it (it's just a stand out term like donning, that shows up when repeated)
@[member="ClefairyKid"] Thank you for the feedback! (You're a teacher? Cool.) And... The title's actually an idiom (Mighty oaks from little acorns grow. I just restructured it a bit) I think I agree on my repetition issues. I should probably replace donned a few times Sentence structure and phrasing in general should be fixed. Noted. Swaying his head should have more added to it. Noted. I'll make sure to clarify his emotions better Are you referring to Ryuu and Sieg's argument? Dialogue is (usually) my strong point. Thank you~ Foreshadowing isn't much of an issue here, I think. This is a prequel thing to my main fanfic, where I show that Sieg was defeated and married Airi (The pink haired trainer), who eventually birthed Lux, the main character. But, I see your point. I'll work on it. I was attempting to develop that Suoh sees Sieg above the other trainees, even his own son, taking offense when he chose the weakest. If that wasn't apparent, then I should work on that as well. The stealing was because I lifted the argument between Ryuu and Sieg (And the beginning) from my fanfic and felt that I shouldn't change it and attempt to write around it. The Little Beautifly nickname is because Sieg and Airi become a thing later~ Airi also nicknames literally everyone she grows fond of, so... Nonetheless, thank you very much for all the pointers. I hope I caught them all~
