You and a super intelligent snail both get 1 million dollars, and you both become immortal, however you die if the snail touches you. It always knows where you are and slowly crawls toward you. What's your plan? The original title borked, forgive me
This is easy. I call it an idiot snail and hurt its feelings. It stops following me - stops trying to kill me. It wants to play the long game. It wants me to suffer. It tries to bankrupt me and sabotage my businesses as revenge. It never works out, but it's a thorn in my side for many years to come. Eventually, the snail runs into financial trouble. Its business goes under. Its wife leaves it. I feel guilty for hurting its feelings. I bail it out and console the snail. We become friends. We start a new company together, and eventually marry and retire to Southeast Asia. We have a contactless but still fulfilling marriage. We adopt three children and return them weeks later. They were too noisy. We live happily ever after, forever.
Cant I just throw a bag of salt at it, or drop a rock on it, or you can ya know just throw a ton of Raid on it
I'll attempt to barter with it. I'll grow a cabbage/lettuce garden for it and allow it to munch on it for all eternity as long as it never touches me. It will also have to pay 1,000 dollars per day if it wants to continue to live in my garden. After 1,000 days (by then I will get the entire million the snail had) I will allow it to live in my garden for free for the rest of eternity, no touching rule still standing. During this barter, I will wear a full bodysuit to make sure the snail does not betray me and kill me. Win-win. I get the snail's million, the snail will get an eternal supply of food. We'll both be better off.
Does it kill just me or everybody it touches, cause if so i can just throw it at my enemies (While wearing gloves) and KILL THEMMM
Drop a brick on it. It's still just a snail, intelligent or not - it'll be too slow to evade that. Problem solved. Immortal or not, I'd like to see it moved buried.
An immortal snail would be studied for science long before it would ever be able to reach me. Snails aren't exactly resourceful creatures - and besides, being immortal won't save it from being eaten either. However, I find the conversation efforts more likely, though not quite as hilarious. Besides, if the snail doesn't eat something, it won't last very long anyway, immortal or otherwise.
Go live in the international space station, or my own space station. The snail has no arms so there's no way he could get me up there even if he found a way on board.
Since I'm the most humane thing on this planet, I would get a cup and put it over the snail. Crisis averted! The snail doesn't die and I don'y have to feel bad!
Assuming that I can't come to some sort of arrangement with the snail, I would trap it in some sort of container and throw it into the Mariana Trench. The snail will endure an eternity of constant being crushed by the water pressure and unable to move. The snail will wish that it could die.
Going with the idea of somehow trapping it in a jar, I wouldn't nessecarily throw the snail into the ocean or anything, but I would keep it locked up in some kind of secure room, one that it can't escape from or hide in if it were to somehow get out of the jar. That way, I'd always have I'd have it...just in case. (We could also try to come to some sort of agreement if I can somehow learn how to communicate with it.)
First I locate the snail. Then I move to the opposite side of the world. I live comfortably. When the snail somehow crosses the ocean to me, I move back to a second house near the original location. Rinse and repeat. I also make sure to surround both houses with a nice ring of salt. Mwahahahahaha.
I use science to figure out how snails communicate with each other, then I attempt to replicate that method of communication somehow. Either that or I teach the snail human English.