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Destiny

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by Halcyon Storm, Jun 27, 2014.

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  1. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
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    Part 1: The beginning


    The fire was everywhere she looked. There was no way to escape, but the young girl didn't think about getting away. She just stood in the middle of the fire, and enjoyed it. Giant red flames touched her arms and legs, but she didn't get burnt. Somehow, the fire felt natural to her, as if she was part of it. A man and a woman were sitting in front of her, on their knees. Their expressions made the girl realize that something terrible was going on, and she had something to do with it. They looked like they had just lost all hope, which scared her a bit.

    "Mom? Dad? Where am I? What is going on? I'm scared!" The young girl's voice was shaking, as she was trying to hold back her tears. She suddenly couldn't enjoy the fire anymore, because she was too worried about her parents.

    The woman put her hand on her shoulder. Her long, blonde hair reflected the light of the fire, making her look even more beautiful as she already was. The man looked at her with his bright blue eyes. She could see fear and worry in his eyes, but also a tiny bit of confidence and hope. "I'm sorry, Destiny. This is all our mistake. We both wished it didn't have to be this way, but the fate of the universe now depends on you. We are counting on you, Destiny, and we will always stand by your side. Now go, and save everyone's life."

    ---

    The sound of the gentle waves brought Destiny back to her senses. Her whole body was screaming in pain, and her head was spinning. She listened to her surroundings, to the calming water and the trees in the distance, moved by the light breeze. With her right hand, she felt that she was laying in the sand.

    She wanted to fall back asleep, to avoid all of the pain she was experiencing, when she suddenly heard a loud voice right next to her: "Do you think she's going to be fine?"

    A second voice joined the conversation: "How should I know, Havis? I'm a Turtwig, not a doctor. But she is still breathing, which is a good sign."

    Destiny opened her eyes, and saw two strange creatures right in front of her. It was night, but a bright full moon provided her of enough light to see everything. She tried to stand up, but she was too tired. She opened her mouth, but couldn't say a word, as her throat was too dry. The weird animal on the left jumped up: "Sabio, look! I told you she'd be fine!"

    Destiny looked at the creature, who was apparently called Sabio, and he looked back at her. She noticed that her long, dark blue hair was almost completely covered in sand. She must've been laying here for a long time, which made her wonder for how long these two had been watching her. Thinking of that made her feel uncomfortable.

    "She's so beautiful!" Sabio kicked the other creature, who kind of looked like a beaver with two teeth sticking out of his mouth. "Don't say that out loud, she can still hear you! Do you really have to make a fool out of yourself all the time?"

    Destiny cleared her throat, and she finally managed to managed to bring a few words out: "W-Where... Am I? And you guys?" She was too dizzy to form correct sentences, which annoyed her, but the animals seemed to understand it.

    "Excuse us, you must be disoriented." Sabio, who looked like a strange turtle with a single leaf growing from his head, appeared to be the smarter of the two. "I am Sabio, a Turtwig, and this is my friend Havis, he is a Bidoof. We were strolling through the forest when we saw you laying here in the sand, so we don't know how you came here either. We came here to check if you were doing all right, but you seemed to be unconscious. Right when we were about to leave, you woke up."

    His words, along with the already severe headache, confused Destiny so much that she dropped her head on the ground again. "I have never seen... Anything like you?"

    She wanted to punch herself in the face for the stupid things she said, but couldn't even raise her arms. Even the two animals seemed to be confused: "We are Pokémon, but we assumed you already knew that. Are you not from this world or something?"

    Again, Destiny lifted her head, and looked around. She saw the lake with the calm waves, the beach she was laying on, and the edge of a forest behind her, but none of it was only slightly familiar to her. She tried to remember how she ended up here, but it was like her entire memory had been wiped. She was unable to recall anything from before she woke up here.

    The Pokémon whispered something to each other, before turning back to Destiny: "A guy of about your age was found here a week ago, and he also didn't know anything about our world. You two have similar treats, so maybe you're connected somehow. We should visit him, maybe you know each other."

    Destiny didn't hear what he was saying, as she was still too confused to think logically. She was trying to comprehend the situation, but that was almost impossible to do. "So you guys... Are like talking animals? And you live here? That's normal in this world or what?"

    Sabio nodded. Destiny's explanation pretty much covered all there was to say. She finally managed to get up, which immediately caused her head to spin even more. She had trouble standing up, but didn't fall back on the sand. When she looked at the lake, she noticed a faint red light coming from the distance, but she didn't pay much attention to it. "So where exactly are we going now?"

    The beaver-like Pokémon ran ahead: "He should be in a small town called Twinleaf. It's right around the corner, so we should be there in a minute!" Sabio shook his head, and Destiny assumed that meant it was going to be a slightly longer walk.

    Walking was difficult for Destiny, and she really felt stupid about it. It was almost as if she was just a little child that had to learn how to walk. After a while, they left the beach, and went to the forest entrance. When she looked back, she could see where she had been laying in the sand. The few meters from the beach to the forest had taken at least five minutes.

    Suddenly, a small bird landed in front of Destiny's feet. It was grey, with a white area around its head, resembling a mask. A little black star was marked on its forehead. "Havis, Sabio, good to see you two again. Tell me, who's this lady?"

    The Turtwig wanted to reply, but Havis was slightly faster: "Hey Varlon, what's up? We found this beautiful girl on the beach, just like that! It kind of reminded us of that other guy, what's his name again?"

    Destiny was confused about what was going on, but she followed every word that was being said. The little bird's eyes shot wide open. "You mean Faith? He should be in Twinleaf Town, if I remember correctly. I haven't checked the place in a while. I'll fly ahead; you two can guide her there, right?"

    Sabio nodded, and the bird flew off. He looked at Destiny, and noticed her confusion: "That was Varlon, a good friend of us. He's a Starly who also lives in the forest. I'll explain everything while we're walking."

    Destiny agreed, although she could barely keep track of everything that was going on anymore. This strange world, with weird talking animals... Why was she even here? Together, they walked to Twinleaf Town, where they would meet up with Faith.
     
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  2. Butternut

    Butternut The Coolest Spider

    Joltik
    (Joltik)
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    Mewnium Z  ★★★★★Black Glasses ★★★★Red Orb ★★★★★Ultra BallCrown of Valor
    And all the time we have been talking about this I thought to myself... WHY CAN'T I DO STUFF LIKE THIS XD
    And here you are acting like it's the most normal thing in the world
     
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  3. HiddenLore

    Time Master
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    Crown of ValorPoké Ball ★Root Fossil ★★★Beedrillite ★★★★GS Ball ★★★★★
    Sounds good so far, Can't wait to see more
     
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  4. Trainer_Ebony

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    Only problem I see, the girl has no idea what Turtwig and Bidoof are! That uncultured little shit XD lol. In all seriousness, its looking good so far :)
     
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  5. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
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    Part 2: Faith


    Destiny quickly noticed that she walked much faster as the Pokémon could handle, probably because she had long legs. She has always been quite tall, and many people claimed she has beautiful legs, but she simply ignored such compliments. She didn't like getting complimented on her appearance, because people didn't really care about who she was that way, only about how she looked.

    She constantly had to stop and wait for the Pokémon to catch up with her. By the time they reached the end of the forest, both Havis and Sabio were exhausted. They stopped for a while to rest, before entering the town ahead of them. Destiny could already see the silhouettes of a few houses, but it was difficult to see through the darkness.

    Unlike the Bidoof, who was still heavily breathing, Sabio didn't need much rest, and he was back on his legs shortly after. "Twinleaf Town is up ahead. It's night, so most people should be asleep. The guy we mentioned, Faith, should be somewhere in this town, as well as Varlon."

    Immediately after the Turtwig had said that, the Starly landed on Destiny's shoulder. He took big breaths every couple of words, and he seemed exhausted. Something made Varlon go back as soon as he could. "I am here, Sabio. I just came back from Twinleaf Town."

    Something in Varlon's voice worried Destiny. For some reason, she could easily feel the emotions behind someone's voice. She had always been able to feel that, which helped her to understand many people. And she was sure that Varlon was upset about something: "Did something happen to Faith? Your voice is different from when we first met."

    Varlon looked around, making sure that there was nobody else around. Destiny wondered who he could be looking out for. "It's... It's Faith. He had... There was... He..." The Starly couldn't speak normally anymore, as he was almost crying by now. He must've seen something really troublesome in that town, to be so upset about it. Destiny felt the emotions of Varlon, and shared his pain. When she thought about it, it was weird how she cared so much for a Pokémon she met like ten minutes ago. But she had already realized that Pokémon are totally different from regular animals.

    Destiny decided to go and look for herself. She got up and walked to the town, without telling the other Pokémon. Havis wanted to go after her, but Sabio stopped him: "Let her find this out alone. I think we both already know what happened to Faith. Besides, Varlon is with her. In the meantime, we should go to the tree, I'm sure he will take her there afterwards."

    When she saw what Varlon meant, Destiny held her hand for her mouth. She could not believe what she saw. In front of her, on the ground, was the body of her best friend. It was just laying there, dead, as if nobody cared. The moment she saw his blonde hair and blue eyes, the memories of them immediately came back to her mind. She and Faith had been together forever, and everyone knew them. They were inseparable, like a brother and sister. Seeing him here, without any trace of life in his body, brought tears in her eyes.

    She knelt down in front of him, and held his hand. The moonlight gave his corpse an extra eerie look. When she looked at his arm, she noticed strange dents all over his skin, as if he had been stabbed with a fork repeatedly. They weren't deep, and they didn't even go through his skin, yet they seemed to be the cause of his death. Destiny examined his other arm, as well as his legs, where she found even more spots. She had never seen anything like this before. Did he die because of some kind of disease?

    "It's all my fault." Destiny looked behind, and saw Varlon slowly walking to her. "Faith is the next victim of the Starly Clan, a group of criminal Starly." Destiny looked at Faith's arm again, and realized that the dents were made by Starly, who repeatedly picked at his skin. But how did Varlon know so much about this? Was he also part of this Starly Clan?

    "Destiny, I... I want to show you something." Destiny got up again, and followed the Starly to the edge of the forest. They stopped at a big tree, where Sabio and Havis were also standing. Both Pokémon had tears in their eyes. The tree was beautifully decorated with flowers, that even stood out in the darkness of the night.

    "Under this tree, my parents are buried, as well as my younger sister. All of them were killed by the Starly Clan. The fact that their next target was a human concerns me. It means that they are now willing to attack anyone, not just other Starly." Destiny looked in Varlon's grey eyes. He didn't look sad anymore, his eyes were just empty, like all the emotions had gone away. His whole family was killed by these murderers, she thought to herself, and now they also killed Faith.

    Destiny felt her heart beating faster. The adrenaline rushed through her veins, and her tears dried up. The thought of these murderous creatures, and the ones they killed, raised the anger in Destiny's mind. Her body warmed up, as if there was a flame burning inside of her. "These criminals... This so-called Starly Clan... They have made their last victim... I will show them how I think about them!"

    Sabio was shocked by those words, and he quickly ran up to Destiny. "Wait, Destiny! There's something I forgot to tell you! You can't defeat those Starly, it's impossible!"

    Destiny wasn't interested in the Turtwig's warnings. She had already stepped over him, and was about to walk back into the forest, to search for the Starly Clan: "You don't even know me; I'm much stronger as you might think I am! There's no way a bunch of little birds can defeat someone like me!"

    She turned her head, and walked away confidently. Even though Sabio was extremely worried about her, he couldn't help but thinking about how beautiful she looked. But he knew that even the most charming girl couldn't stop these vicious Pokémon from harming her. He called Havis, and told him to follow.

    "Killing my best friend, just who the hell do they think they are?" Destiny raged to herself while she walked through the forest. She was so caught in her own anger, that she didn't realize that she had no clue where she was going. Suddenly, she heard a noise from one of the trees. She stopped, but couldn't see a thing in the dark forest. More noises came from the other trees, but Destiny was unable to find out what caused it. The trees rustled more and more, from all around her. Just a moment too late, Destiny realized that she had fallen into the deadly trap of the Starly Clan. All at once, the birds flew out of the trees, flying right at Destiny.
     
  6. Achromatic

    Achromatic #TeamMagikarp

    Eevee (KS)
    (Eevee (KS))
    Level 17
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    Deep Sea Scale ★★★Deep Sea Tooth ★★★Star Piece ★★★★Rage Candy Bar ★★★Dragon Fang ★★★★
    That's pretty cool Astral, when can we expect to more stuff like this?
     
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  7. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
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    Part 3: The Starly Clan

    The pain was unbearable. Time after time, she felt how the sharp beaks hit her skin. One single peck didn't hurt all that much, but these five Starly kept lashing out at her, all over her body. And there was nothing she could do to stop it either. Somehow, Destiny was incapable of hurting the Pokémon, almost as if they were invulnerable. This was probably one of the most painful deaths someone could possibly imagine.

    "Stop it, Valcun!" Destiny felt how something small landed on her chest. She tried to look up, but her left eye was harmed as well, making her half blind. "You're attacking innocent people, can't you see that? She did nothing wrong to any of you, and yet you try to kill her? What is wrong with you, Valcun?"

    One of the Starly moved away from the group, and also jumped on Destiny's body. He seemed to be the leader of the Starly Clan, and he also had a grey star on his forehead, just like Varlon. "What's wrong with me? I just wonder what's wrong with you, Varlon! How can you not understand the importance of protecting our territory? If we would listen to you, everyone could simply walk in and out here all day! It's these times when we have to extra cautious, brother. Before you know it, you lose everything you love. Is that what you really want?"

    Varlon's voice sounded upset, as well as angry: "I already lost everyone I love, and that's all because of you! Mom, dad, and even your own damned sister! How could you kill them, Valcun? How can you do something like that? Are you really that heartless? Do you really not care about anyone but yourself? Answer me, Valcun, ANSWER ME!"

    Even though Destiny couldn't see what was going on, the anger Varlon was emitting was impossible to ignore. Suddenly, she felt how Valcun flew up from her chest. The moment she wondered where he was going, she heard a loud scream, one that only a Starly could make. "Varlon!"

    Destiny could finally open her eyes again, and saw Havis and Sabio quickly running to her. Varlon was laying on the ground, and Destiny swore she saw a little bit of blood coming from his chest. Vulcan stood in front of her, his wings spread out to make him look bigger: "You want to fight me? Fine then, bring it on!"

    The other Starly quickly flew up as well, preparing to attack Destiny again. Right before the first one was about to attack, Havis jumped and grabbed him out of the air. The Starly fell on the ground, lifting the dead leaves into the air. The second Starly changed its target, and went for Sabio, but his rock-hard shell easily deflected the bird Pokémon. Sabio jumped after the Starly, and bit in his tail, dragging him to the ground as well.

    "Hey guys, come and get me! Or are you too slow?" Havis quickly turned around and ran away, with two Starly right behind him. They came closer and closer, but when they could almost touch him, the Bidoof jumped into the air, revealing a huge tree right in front of them. One of the Starly saw the tree too late, and crashed right into it, but the other managed to change its direction just in time. He turned around and tries to attack Havis, but he couldn't reach him.

    "This is useless, we can never hit him if he stays that high!" Sabio looked around to see if anything could help them. "Destiny, how good is your aim?" Destiny immediately understood the Turtwig's plan. She picked him up from the ground, and he retreated into his shell. Destiny aimed for the flying Starly, and threw Sabio in the air. For a moment, it looked like he was going to miss it, but then Sabio pulled his head out and smashed it against the bird. Both flew down and landed on the ground with a loud thud.

    Havis jumped up and down from joy: "Awesome Sabio, you did it!" But the Turtwig didn't move at all. "Sabio? Sabio!" Havis quickly ran up to his friend, concerned about his health. "Sabio, please tell me you're fine. I can't lose you, man!"

    Destiny wanted to run to them as well, when she suddenly heard something behind her. She looked over her shoulder, and saw Valcun flying right behind her, with an evil smile on his face. He flapped with his wings, and then rushed into Havis and Sabio, who didn't notice him at all. Destiny screamed for them to get away, but it was already too late. There was no way they could get away in time.

    "That's it Valcun, you're going down with me!" From the sky, a white flash came down with an incredible speed, and hit Valcun just a moment before he was going to kill Havis. Destiny instantly recognized the voice of Varlon, who finally took revenge on his brother. He took Valcun down to the ground, whipping up a huge dust cloud.

    When the air had cleared again, Destiny ran up to the place where Varlon had hit the ground, and she knelt down in front of him. His small body was motionless, but he had a strong, satisfied look on his face. When Destiny touched his body, she heard Varlon's voice somewhere in her mind.

    "I'm glad I could save you, Destiny. And I also took down Valcun, the leader of the Starly Clan. Hopefully, this forest will be once again a safe place for everyone. Goodbye, Destiny."

    Destiny got tears in her eyes while the Pokémon's words faded away. Havis and Sabio walked up to her, and directly understood what had happened. "We will bury him with the rest of his family, under the big tree." She put her hand on Varlon's chest, and pulled out a feather. "We will keep this as a memory of his sacrifice. We all thank our lives to him, and we may not forget that."

    Sabio and Havis dug a small, but honorable grave for Varlon, and they decorated it with flowers. In the meantime, the sun started to come up, finally bringing some light on the forest. Varlon's death had made Destiny realize how dangerous this world apparently was, and she somehow knew that there was more trouble to come.
     
  8. Butternut

    Butternut The Coolest Spider

    Joltik
    (Joltik)
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    Mewnium Z  ★★★★★Black Glasses ★★★★Red Orb ★★★★★Ultra BallCrown of Valor
    What is wrong with you xD
    You just start writing a story and boom 3 parts in 12 hours AND THEY'RE ALL AMAZING :D
     
  9. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
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    Part 4: Vanished

    "Wait... Where is Faith?" Everyone in Twinleaf Town was still sleeping, except for Destiny. She stood next to the spot where they found Faith, only now the corpse was gone. She couldn't think of anyone who could have moved him away, as they were only away for a very short time. Besides, she could clearly see where Faith had been laying in the grass, so it seemed like he just vanished.

    Sabio walked around the grass: "I know why he has disappeared, but that immediately raises another question." Sabio had already figured that Destiny was not from this world, but he stayed calm under it. Secretly, he liked that he could share all of his knowledge with someone who understood him. He tried teaching Havis many things, but he just wasn't interested in it.

    "When people or Pokémon die in this world, they simply disappear. It has always been that way, but I assume it doesn't work like that where you came from. That might explain why Faith didn't immediately disappear; he doesn't come from this world. Maybe, after spending enough time here, his body adapted to this environment and vanished."

    The whole story with multiple worlds still was a bit too much for Destiny, but she could understand it a little bit. That also explained why the Starly from the Starly Clan disappeared in the forest. "But then why didn't Varlon disappear?"

    Sabio scratched his head: "I honestly wouldn't know. Maybe it is because when he got in touch with you, he interacted a little bit with the other world. But then again, the feather you took from him still exists, meaning that Varlon has yet to vanish."

    Destiny looked at the feather, and instantly thought back of the fight. She saw again how Varlon came down from the sky, launching himself straight into Valcun, just to save everyone's life. She felt the energy coming from Varlon, even though it was just a memory.

    "But what do we do now?" Havis might be a bit simple-minded, but he had a point there. Sabio looked at Destiny: "He's right, what are your plans? Do you plan to stay here, or are you going to travel further?"

    That question had been in the back of her mind all the time. At first, she didn't want to go anywhere, but after these events, she had changed her mind: "That depends on it. If I decide to travel ahead, will you guys join me?"

    The two Pokémon quickly looked at each other, and realized they were thinking the same thing. "Yes of course! I always wanted to go places, and this is my chance!" Sabio smiled at Destiny, who understood the sign. "Alright then, that's settled. Let's see where-"

    She stopped talking, because she heard voices in the distance, coming from the direction of the lake. She didn't hesitate, and immediately ran after the sound, with Havis and Sabio following right behind her. Destiny hoped that someone maybe found out that she went missing, and came here to look for her, even though the chances of that were really small. No one had come for Faith either, so why would they come for her?

    When she neared the lake, she hid behind a tree. A large human-shaped creature stared at the water. At first, she thought it was just a man who was standing in the shadows, but then she noticed that there wasn't any shadow around him. He seemed to be made out of shadow himself, which was of course impossible.

    "So this is the location of the second one. Excellent. Now only to find the third one, and I already have a clue on where to find it. Soon, we can start the execution." Suddenly, the shadow man turned his head, and looked Destiny directly in her eyes. She quickly went back behind the tree, heavily shocked by his action. With her heart in her mouth, she asked herself if he had actually seen her or not. Maybe she backed away fast enough, and he didn't notice her standing there.

    After what seemed to be an eternity, but probably wasn't more as two minutes, she gathered the courage to take another look at the beach. The mysterious man was gone, and everything seemed back to normal. While constantly looking around, scared that he might just pop up right behind her, she entered the beach.

    When she heard a noise behind her, she almost wanted to scream out loud and run away, but then she saw it were just Havis and Sabio, coming from the bushes. They also appeared to be startled, meaning that they also saw the shadow on the beach.

    "Destiny, did you see that?" Sabio was whispering, although nobody could hear them here. "Yes, what was he talking about? He said that this was the second one, and that he only needed to find one more."

    Havis looked at the lake in front of them, his head slightly tilted. "I don't know, seems like a regular lake to me. Maybe he was counting the lakes in Sinnoh, and this was the second one he found!"

    Destiny couldn't help but laugh. Even in the most intense situations, the Bidoof always searched for the most positive approach. Havis just raised his shoulders: "Hey, I don't know, it could be anything. But yeah, it was indeed a weird guy. And just disappearing like that, really strange..."

    "Well, there's not much we can do about it. Let's just go, like we were going to do in the first place." Destiny startled walking again, with a strange feeling. Naturally, she was scared by all the things she had already experienced in these few hours she had been here. But it also gave her a feeling of excitement, that a great adventure was awaiting them. She was discovering a world she had never been before, and anything could happen. The constant exposure to possible danger made her feel like she was playing with fire, and it felt amazing.
     
  10. HiddenLore

    Time Master
    (Dialga Egg)
    Level 37
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    Crown of ValorPoké Ball ★Root Fossil ★★★Beedrillite ★★★★GS Ball ★★★★★
    going for unconventional methods I see
     
  11. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
    (Sewaddle)
    Level 11
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    Part 5: Departure

    As the sun was rising, Destiny walked through the forest, now with Sabio on her shoulder. His short legs simply couldn't keep up with her fast paced walking, so she decided to carry him for a while, to save some energy. Havis could keep up with her a little bit better, but he was getting tired as well.

    After a while, Destiny felt something. She couldn't really place the feeling, but it was almost as if she sensed something with her mind, like a sixth sense. She felt the presence of a lot of energy nearby, which got her curiosity. She looked in the direction the energy was coming, but she couldn't see anything.

    "Why did you stop, Destiny?" Apparently, she was the only one capable of picking up the energy. "I think there's something over there, but I'm not sure what." She pointed in what seemed to be a random direction, but Sabio trusted Destiny. He had already discovered that this girl was unlike any other girl he had ever seen before.

    "I'll go ahead and see if anything is there, all right?" Sabio jumped off her shoulder, and walked away. Destiny immediately noticed that Havis felt uneasy without his friend. They had probably been together for their whole life, as they didn't mention their family at all. She understood the Bidoof's emotions, and picked him up. "Let's go as well."

    She walked a bit further, looking for something special, but she didn't find anything interesting. She almost wanted to go back, when she saw some big bushes that blocked her view. "Maybe it's behind those scrubs over there." She pushed the twigs away with her hands, and looked through it. She immediately knew that this was what she had sensed before.

    Havis jumped on the ground and squeezed himself through the bushes, while Destiny ran around them. When she arrived on the other side, she also found Sabio, who was too stunned to come back for them, and probably didn't even notice that they had come themselves.

    In front of them laid a beautiful Pokémon. It was a big, blue creature, with great black manes on his head and body. Its eyes were red, with golden pupils, making it look like a very powerful Pokémon. Destiny saw the big cut in its neck, with blood dripping from it. She already knew that a wound like this could only be caused by human interaction, meaning that somebody had killed this amazing creature. But that wasn't the only special thing about this Pokémon.

    "What is happening with him? What are these stars around him?" A strange mist surrounded the Pokémon, something that Destiny could only explain with the word 'magic'. A cloud, consisting of something unexplainable raised from the Pokémon's body, creating a beautiful scene. Suddenly, Destiny understood with it was: "Energy. This is the Pokémon's life energy, leaving its body."

    Everyone watched how the mist became thicker, until they couldn't see the Pokémon anymore. Then, the cloud lifted in the air, slowly disappearing. When they looked back on the ground, the Pokémon was no longer there. He had disappeared forever.

    "That was my father." Destiny looked behind, and saw the small blue Pokémon, who had been watching all the time as well. He looked emotionless, but his eyes showed his sorrow. "I assume this is the first time you've seen a Pokémon's Departure. It's really special, isn't it?"

    "A Pokémon's Departure..." Destiny finally understood everything. Every living creature on this planet is essentially created from pure life energy. This energy is always in motion, as long as you live. Whenever a creature dies, the energy stops moving, and the creature dissolves into a magical mist. That is why Varlon didn't disappear immediately: when he attacked Valcun, Destiny could feel his energy from a distance, because his spirit was extra powerful back then. So when he died, it took a longer time to disappear as the other Starly. In addition, it also explains why Faith was suddenly gone when they returned to him.

    "That actually makes a lot of sense, Destiny. You may very well be right." Destiny suddenly realized she had been thinking out loud all the time, which embarrassed her a bit. She looked at the blue Pokémon, who was still staring at the place where the Departure had taken place. She felt sorry for the little guy, but she didn't really know what to say.

    "My father just wanted to protect us... He never did anything wrong to anybody. But then he came along and just killed him for no reason... I don't understand it." Destiny immediately thought of the shadowy creature they encountered on the beach. Could he have been the one who killed this Pokémon's father?

    Even Havis couldn't think of anything to cheer them up. A Departure was something so grasping, that anyone who saw it was moved, even when they didn't know the particular Pokémon themselves. "I can't believe that anyone would do this. Who is going to take care of you now?"

    Destiny laid her hand on the Pokémon's shoulder. "Listen, it's okay. Why don't you come with us, I promise that you'll be safe." The Pokémon looked in her eyes, but quickly looked away. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Now that my father is no longer here, someone else has to protect this forest. I must be the one to do that, unless if I find someone else who I can trust. But until then, I have to stay here."

    Sabio wanted to reply, but Destiny gestured him to hold back. She didn't like his idea either, but forcing him to join wasn't going to help anyone. "I understand it. I hope you can find someone to watch over the forest, and maybe we will meet again one day. But for now, we must go."

    The Pokémon lowered his head, showing his gratitude. Destiny got up, and together with Havis and Sabio, they walked away again. She hoped that the Pokémon would change his mind and come after them, but no such thing happened.
     
  12. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
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    Part six: Killed

    It was still dark outside when Destiny woke up. She got out of bed and looked outside through the window. In the distance, she could vaguely see the tall buildings of Jubilife City, their next destination. "It's going to be really hot today. We should leave before the sun rises." She got dressed, and walked downstairs.

    "Hey, you're up early!" A man smiled at her. He had offered her a place to stay for the night. Apparently, he didn't need much sleep, because he was still awake when Destiny went to bed yesterday, and he woke up earlier today. "Your friends are still sleeping over there." He pointed at the couch where Havis and Sabio were laying. Destiny woke them up, thanked the man, and went outside.

    Havis yawned. "Why are we leaving so early, Destiny? I was having a great dream! You were there, and Sabio, and Varlon..." He cringed a bit when he said that last name.

    "I don't want to walk a lot with this hot weather. It makes me all sweaty. And I'm also looking forward to visiting an actual city for once." She looked at the buildings. "I mean, Jubilife has more than ten houses, right?"

    Havis shrugged. "To be honest, I've never been to Jubilife City, even though it's really close. I think it's a bit scary, with people walking everywhere. I'm afraid someone will step on me. And by the way, there's also a-"

    Sabio looked at Havis, who had stopped walking. "What's wrong?" He looked in the direction Havis was staring. "What is that over there?"

    Destiny, who had also seen the thing in the distance, started running. When she came closer, she put her hand for her mouth. In front of her was a Pokémon. It was blue, with beautiful black manes. It was laying down in the grass, in a small puddle of blood. Sabio quickly looked away. Destiny could heard Havis silently talking to himself. "No... Not again..."

    Destiny kneeled down before the Pokémon. She realised that Varlon didn't have any physical injuries after his death. That must mean that this Pokémon was killed by humans. "Who would do something like this..."

    "The Evil Men did it." A small, blue Pokémon appeared from behind a tree. "This is my father. He was killed yesterday by the Evil Men." His eyes were staring at nothing. He looked tired, yet Destiny could feel something inside of him. Just a little flame, burning inside of him.

    They remained silent for a moment. Suddenly, Destiny came up with something. "Listen, I have an idea. What do you think of joining us? You must be pretty lonely here now..."

    For a second, Destiny thought she could see his eyes lighting up. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that... I have to stay here, and take care of what's left. There might be other Shinx around here, who need my help."

    Havis wanted to say something, but Destiny gestured him to stop. "Well then, that's fine. If you have things to take care of here, then you must do so. But if you change your mind, we are heading for Jubilife City."

    "Thank you, I will remember. Good luck on your journey as well." The Shinx stood up and walked away. Destiny, Havis and Sabio started walking again, and when the sun started to come up, they reached Jubilife City.

    "So this is Jubilife City. At least there's some shadow here..." Destiny looked around. Then, she noticed a man walking up to her. He was wearing a long brown jacket.

    "Excuse me, are you Destiny?"
     
  13. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

    Sewaddle
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    Part seven: Looker

    "Okay, how do you know my name?" The roads of Jubilife City were empty, apart from two people. Destiny was approached by a strange man, who apparently had some kind of interest in her.

    The man kept looking around, as if he was chased by someone. "I'm afraid the time I have isn't much. I need you something to do, for your own life's sake." He got a map out of his pocket. It showed the Sinnoh region, marked with eight red dots. "At the marked locations, a so-called Pokémon Gym you will find. You must go each one of them, and in a Pokémon battle defeat the Gym Leader."

    Destiny took the map, but she didn't fully trust the man yet. He had a weird accent, which made Destiny think he wasn't from Sinnoh. His constant looking around was strange as well. "Seriously, who are you? And how do you know my name?"

    "I truly am sorry, but going I have to now. I apologize for not you everything explaining, but coming back I'll be sure to do later. Then I tell everything to you." The man looked around once more, and then left the same way he came, leaving Destiny behind with the map and a mind full of questions. She looked at the map again. In the lower right corner, the word "LOOKER" was written. She folded the map, and put it in her backpack.

    They decided to spend the rest of the day in Jubilife. Havis and Sabio were playing in the park, so Destiny decided to take a look at the grasslands just north of Jubilife. The weather turned out to be better as she thought. While she was walking, she realised she was still tired. "I didn't sleep much last night anyway. I think I'm just going to sit down under a tree here for a while." She sat down, and under the shadows of the tree, she fell asleep.

    When she woke up, she saw that the sun had risen above her head. "I've probably slept for a few hours. I should go check on Havis and Sabio." Right before she was about to stand up, Destiny noticed something was laying in her lap. At first, she thought it was just a green ball, but when she examined it a little better, she realised it was a living Pokémon! The green Pokémon had a face, although it wasn't more as a few lines. It didn't move at all, but it looked like it was sleeping. "Hey... Who are you?"

    The green bud-like Pokémon didn't respond. She tried talking to it again, but it wouldn't reply. Destiny looked around, but there was nobody who could've thrown it into her lap. Eventually, she decided to put the Pokémon in her backpack for a while. Then, she got up and headed for the Jubilife Park.

    At the park, Havis and Sabio were resting under a tree. Destiny smiled. "I guess I wasn't the only one with that idea." She sat down beside the two, and got out the map. "Okay tell me, where are we?"

    Sabio pointed at the map. "This is Jubilife City, where we are right now. I think that we could go to Oreburgh City first, that's really close to here." He looked at the rest of the map. "However, I have to be honest with you. I have been to Jubilife before, but I've never been further as this city. I've never seen any of the other places on this map."

    Destiny folded the map again. "That's okay. It would be boring if you'd already seen everything, wouldn't it?" She stood up. "Come on, let's go. If we go now, we can arrive at Oreburgh before the night comes."
     
  14. Butternut

    Butternut The Coolest Spider

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  15. shinygiratinaz

    shinygiratinaz Boats Against the Current

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    Hmm. I like this, but my inner fanfiction reviewer is going to take over my fingers for a few seconds here. These are all just suggestions to do better and improve, and give more entertainment to your audience.


    When I first saw this story, I had no idea what was going on. This is one of the biggest pitfalls writers can fall into early on: making a story that is composed almost completely of dialogue. Instead of using the stars and saying an action, describe it. Here, I'll give an example.


    Here is what you put:
    I'll be right back!
    *Samir ran into the dressing room, and mere seconds later, he returned with a bunch of clothes*
    I think this is everything...


    Here is what you could have said:

    "I'll be right back" Samir whispered with a sly smirk, dashing into the dressing room as fast as his little legs could carry him. In front of him, a pile of random clothes stood discarded. Letting out a quick snicker, Samir grabbed all the clothes he could see and dashed out, the sounds of surprised yelling already sounding behind him.

    "I think this is everything." He called to his friends.

    Maybe for you this was a stylistic choice, but a fic is always better when you can describe things instead of say them. Show what is happening with descriptive language and character action, don't tell the reader through dialogue and asides. That extra detail aids in immersing the reader into the story, and allowing them to see the story in their minds eye as an event that actually plays out, instead of choppy dialogue and faceless voices.

    Try to describe your characters physically. Do they have any special traits? Certain markings? Are they wearing anything special? We are quite some time into the story and I don't think I even saw what your character's hair color is. Show me who you are talking about through descriptive language.

    You should also do this for your settings. Describe where you are instead of putting in asides to where they are or just assuming a setting change. Talk about the atmosphere of the place, who is in it, various colors or faces that catch our character's eyes. This once again aids in immersion and makes the story feel more real in the reader's imagination.

    That's all I have about the story's flow, I hope this wasn't harsh. I can tend to be really blunt some times.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

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    Part eight: C-Cis

    Destiny, Havis and Sabio were walking down the streets of Jubilife City, about to leave for the Oreburgh Gym. Destiny kept thinking about the strange events that happened earlier. "Maybe it was Looker who threw that Pokémon in my lap."

    "Did you say something, Destiny?" Havis looked up to her. Destiny hadn't told them about the strange Pokémon she was carrying with them. For unknown reasons, she decided it would be better not to tell them about it just yet. "What? I said nothing."

    Havis shrugged. "I guess it was just my imagination then..."

    Destiny walked down the stairs, leaving Jubilife City behind. But just as she was about to enter the grassland, a voice from behind her made her stop.

    "Eh, miss?" Destiny turned around, recognizing the voice. It was the Shinx they encountered earlier! It was staring at the ground, as if it was trying to avoid making eye contact.

    "I'm sorry for what I said before. It was very rude of me to decline your offer to join like that. I'm too weak to take care of myself, and I don't have any parents. Could you please forgive me?"

    Destiny kneeled down before the Shinx. A smile appeared on her face. "There's no need to be so formal, relax a bit. I really want you to join as well, so I think we have a deal. Tell me, what's your name?"

    "Thank you so much, I will try my best to be a great addition to your team. My name is C-Cis." He looked up, and saw Destiny's bright blue eyes. He tried to look away, but Destiny noticed it and laughed.

    "Well then, that's a deal. C-Cis, welcome to the team. We're heading for Oreburgh City, so if you want to stay with us, follow me!"

    Destiny walked through the grassland, with now three Pokémon following her, excluding the bud Pokémon in her backpack. Not much later, they came across a cave entrance. "Please don't tell me we have to go trough this cave..."

    Sabio smirked. He figured that Destiny probably didn't like caves a lot. "The Sinnoh region is full of caves, so you'd better get used to it!"

    Destiny moaned. "Great. Well, let's just get this over with then."

    They entered the dark cave. Destiny had quite some trouble traversing the cave, with lots of falling and getting up again. When they finally reached the end, Destiny had scratches all over her arms and legs. She looked as if she had been in a fight with an angry cat.

    Havis, who had been running all the time to keep up with Destiny, sat down and sighed. "Finally, we've reached Oreburgh. I can't feel my legs anymore..."

    Destiny picked him up. "You've been walking for a long time now, haven't you? Don't worry, I'll carry you for a while. We should be reaching the Pokémon Gym soon.

    In the distance, she could already see a building, with the letters "GYM" on the front. However, as she got closer, she noticed a tall man blocking the Gym door. "What would he be doing there?"

    C-Cis ran ahead. "There's only one way to find that out!"
     
  17. Butternut

    Butternut The Coolest Spider

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    This was definitely better :D
    Although it was a bit harder to read, but that might just be me being lazy
     
  18. shinygiratinaz

    shinygiratinaz Boats Against the Current

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    That was a whole lot better. It flows more like a narrative now! :D

    Just as a nitpick, you have a few cases of repeated words. This can get tedious while reading.

    Here's what I mean:

    she continued her fast-paced walking again. Havis moaned and started running again.
    "So, tell me, where are we heading for again?"


    You use the word "again" three times in three sentences. If you say those lines out loud, it kinda sounds bogged down. The best tip I can give is to do exactly that: Say your story out loud. Reading the words you type aloud helps you notice errors and gives you a better feel of the story's current flow. If you find yourself tripping up often while you are reading your story aloud or you find a sentence that just doesn't seem as nice when you say it, you should probably look at the section a little closer.

    Those are just nit-pick tips though. This is getting good! :3
     
  19. Halcyon Storm

    Halcyon Storm Joking motive

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    Part nine: The Oreburgh Gym

    "What do you mean, the Gym is closed?" A man was blocking the entrance to the Pokémon Gym. Judging from his appearance, Destiny thought he was a mine worker.

    "Haven't you heard? Two days ago, Roark went missing. It is said that he went to the Oreburgh Mine, but due to a recent earthquake, the mine is abandoned. Parts of the mine have collapsed, and it's too dangerous to go there. If the rumors are true, and Roark did indeed go to the mine, chances are he won't come back."

    Destiny was speechless. She still doesn't have a clue of why she appeared here, and defeating the Gym Leader was the only goal she had. She stood silently for about a minute, the bright sun burning above her.

    "Destiny, we should go to the mine." C-Cis had his eyes closed. "It's the only place we can go now."

    She didn't like the idea of going into another cave, but she knew C-Cis was right. "Yes, we should go there. Where can we find the mine?"

    The man was surprised. "You aren't really going to the mines, are you? That isn't a place for girls like you, you sho-"

    He couldn't finish his sentence, because Destiny had grabbed his shirt, and she threw him on the floor. The mine worker looked in Destiny's eyes."Th- That way..." He stuttered, still in shock of the strength of the girl.

    Without saying another word, Destiny left in the direction the mine worker was pointing at.

    "Wow Destiny, how did you become so strong?" C-Cis was the only one who could easily keep up with Destiny.

    She thought for a moment. "I don't know, maybe I'm just stronger than most other girls."

    They turned right, and the Oreburgh mines came in sight. A field full of tall cranes, heaps of coal and conveyor belts, all inactive. The mine has been out of business for maybe a week or two, but it already looked like one of those abandoned areas from a horror film.

    "Do we really have to go in there?" Havis was shaking on his legs. He was sweating, but that wasn't just from the burning sun.

    Destiny smiled. "I don't like it either, but we don't really have a choice. And besides, look at it from the bright side, it won't be this warm in the mines." She wiped the sweat off her forehead. Then they all went inside.

    The first part of the dungeon was lighted from outside, but as soon as they entered the second part, everything was pitch-black.

    "Destiny, are you sure we're on the right track here?" Even Sabio's voice had a scared tone to it. Destiny hit her head against a wall, and fell on the floor. She quickly stood back up, and she was glad that nobody saw that. They wandered in the dark for 15 minutes, before Destiny said something.

    "I'm done with this place as well. There's no sign of that Roark guy, and there's nothing else here either. But the problem is, it's so dark in here, I don't know how to get out..."

    Suddenly, a flashing light blinded them. I was wrong, Destiny realised. There is someone here.

    A man's voice echoed through the mine. "Can I help you?"
     
  20. HiddenLore

    Time Master
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    I really approve of how you are making the stupid bit where Roarak's just chillin in the mine into something interesting for the plot. Good Job
     
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