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Pokémon Carnegie

Discussion in 'Literature Library' started by oghond, Jun 16, 2018.

  1. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Coming soon: A brand-new Pokémon fanfic entitled Pokémon Carnegie, which takes place in a world inhabited entirely by Pokémon. In this new fanfic, a group of Pokémon named for famous composers battle, have fun, and face adventure in the Carnegie Club, founded by a music-loving Starly. Here are the six main characters:

    Luddy: A kindhearted, musical Turtwig named for famous composer Ludwig von Beethoven. While he likes classical music, he is also a huge fan of musicals. In battles, he much prefers to take things slowly and judge whether or not a Pokémon should be battled, in great contrast to the eager-to-battle Amadeus. He is also a bit of a pacifist- while he is willing to battle anyone he believes deserves it, he still hates it to see a Pokémon faint. He has a German accent.

    Amadeus: A Starly who is extremely fiesty and loves a good battle. Often, he serves as a battling partner to Luddy, and doubles as his best friend. Being the founder and leader of the club, he has very high expectations, and at times can be strict and domineering. However, he learns to soften up a bit with Luddy's help. Like Luddy, he has a German accent. He is named for famous composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

    Antovi: A music-loving Kricketot who is arguably the biggest classical music fan in the group. He is very emotional and sensitive, and often expresses his thoughts and desires through classical music. He is named for famous composer Antonio Vivaldi.

    Pachy: A friendly, exciteable Rockruff who is the only non-Sinnoh Pokémon in the group. Despite his Alolan heritage, Pachy is well-liked by everyone in Carnegie, and is very friendly towards people. He also enjoys musical experiments; mainly setting classical music to death metal and adding lyrics to it. He is named after famous composer Johann Pachelbel.

    Jobach: A naïve, inexperienced Piplup who, much like the composer he was named for, is deaf (if albeit only partially). In TST, he uses stunted English and often speaks in short sentences. He is named for famous composer Johann Sebastian Bach.

    Chopper: A Duskull who is obsessed with the macabre- but not in a bad way. He is often made fun of for his interests, and as a result is extremely shy and pacifistic. He is named after Frederick Chopin; despite this, his name is pronounced “Chopper,” rather than “Showpper.”


    Basically:
    Luddy is the kind one,
    Amadeus is the feisty one,
    Antovi is the emotional one,
    Pachy is the hyper one,
    Jobach is the ditzy one,
    and Chopper is the shy one.
     
    #1 Jun 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2018
  2. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Correction: Bach wasn’t deaf. Whoops.
     
    #2 Jun 17, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
  3. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Jobach, however, is deaf, though Luddy, ironically, is not.
     
  4. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Here's a sneak peek of the chapters that are yet to come- the first two, to be precise.

    Symphony #1: Battles- Luddy finds that his methodical battling style clashes greatly with that of the much more vigilante Amadeus. When worries surge throughout the club that Luddy might leave due to Amadeus' harsh style, an old friend/rival of Amadeus' comes to help him see Luddy's point of view.

    Symphony #2: Seasons- The emotional Antovi loves classical music and will often play it to express his emotions. So what happens when, one day, his original compositions are deemed as "boring" by a visiting critic?
     
  5. FireSpartan5

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    Cooler Gary Oak ★★★★★Tapunium Z ★★★★★Choice Specs ★★★★★Flame Orb ★★★★★
    This sounds pretty fun. I'll keep track.
     
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  6. lia

    lia Swimmer

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    im suprised theres no jigglypuff or chattot in the club just sayin
     
  7. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    And here it is! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first part of the first chapter of the grand symphony Pokémon Carnegie- Symphony #1: “Battles”! In this chapter, we are introduced to the Carnegie Club, specifically the main protagonist, a kindhearted Turtwig named Luddy, and the group’s founder, a Starly named Amadeus. Luddy finds that his battle style clashes greatly with that of Amadeus, and feels like he isn’t fit to be in the club if he and Amadeus can’t even get along together. However, Amadeus is about to get some help in the form of an old friend/rival...

    For the record, yes, there will a Pokémon named for Salieri, and yes, he will be introduced in this chapter (but not in this part). But he and Amadeus will be friendly rivals, not Pokémon going at each other’s throats. They will encourage, help, and battle each other- because that is how the real Mozart and Salieri interacted. Don’t listen to Amadeus (the movie)- as much as I love Tom Hulce, everything in that film was wrong. Also, so you know, both Amadeus and Luddy will be speaking in German accents, which will be phonetically written out.

    By the way, for anyone who’s said Luddy’s name like “luhd-dee” (short “o” as in “blood”), you’ve been saying his name wrong the whole time. How do you say it? Well, here’s a hint: how do you pronounce “Ludwig”?

    With that said... enjoy! Et... üne, dït, trït, quad!

    *OPENING THEME: “Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance*

    Pokémon Carnegie
    Symphony #1: Battles
    Part 1​

    Three days.

    That was how long it had been since Luddy had joined arguably the most prestigious music club in the Pokémon universe.

    He thought he’d be extremely happy when he actually got to be a part of the Carnegie Club. After all, he’d heard many good things about them. Not only were the Carnegie Club well-respected and given very high regards, but their classical music compositions were regarded as some of the best in the Pokémon universe. The many Pokémon who actually got to be a part of the club all told him the same things: they made a ton of new friends and had a lot of fun together. But to Luddy, the best part of joining the club would be getting to meet his idol- the famous Starly Amadeus. Everyone who heard about him loved him, and Luddy was no exception. He was fascinated by his skills in the music industry, and he had tried over and over again to get in contact with him. The young Turtwig had sent in letters, pictures, and so on to Amadeus in the hopes that one day, he’d be in the club.

    All of his plans had failed- until the day when Amadeus selected him to join. Luddy had been ecstatic when he was selected, and believed everything would go the way everyone else said it would. He would meet new friends, have a lot of fun, and get along very well with Amadeus.

    But there was one thing Luddy hadn’t counted on when he’d joined the club three days ago.

    It turned out that Amadeus was far from the kindhearted founder everyone else had made him out to be. In actuality, Amadeus was strict and domineering, and he and Luddy had barely gotten along at all over the past three days. They argued a lot, and it soon became clear to Luddy that he and Amadeus were as different as night and day.

    And he was dissapointed.

    Yet he accepted it- everyone else had, after all, and they seemed to be doing fine.

    Presently, though, he wished he hadn’t. He was being lead by Amadeus to a field where they would battle together, and Amadeus had been barking at him the whole way there. This prospect was extremely exciting to Luddy- perhaps he and Amadeus did have something in common after all. Unfortunately, however, he had been walking for hours, and he was panting and desperately needed water. Amadeus, on the other hand, wasn’t breaking a sweat. Parched, Luddy looked up.

    “Are...ve...zere...yet...?” he panted.

    Amadeus sighed.

    “I’fe already told you zis,” he muttered in frustration. “No, ve are not zere yet, und if you keep up vis zis complaining, I doubt ve efer vill be. Now shut it.

    Luddy groaned. “Come on, Amadeus, lighten up. I’m so sirsty...”

    “Zen you should hafe brought some vater vis you,” snapped the Starly, glaring over at his protége. “Don’t you know vhat ze number-von rule of ze Carnegie Club is?”

    Luddy panted.

    “Alvays... be... prepared?”

    “Exactly. Und you broke it.”

    Luddy looked down sadly. “Sorry.”

    Amadeus turned and looked away. “As you should be. Now, for ze rest of zis trip, I do not vant to hear a vord out of you. A good Carnegie member does not complain. At all. Understood?”

    Luddy panted again.

    Understood?” repeated Amadeus, through what would be clenched teeth if he had any.

    Intimidated, Luddy jumped back and shuffled his stub feet nervously.

    J-ja, mein Herr,” he said, relenting.

    Another glare from Amadeus. “Don’t call me zat.”

    “Sorry.” Luddy shut his mouth.

    Amadeus nodded. “Good.” He turned away. “Now, hurry up. Let’s go.”

    The sorrowful Turtwig followed Amadeus through the dark forests that surrounded him. He hadn’t meant to upset Amadeus, but he knew the rules. Amadeus was right. If he wanted water, he should have brought some of his own. He figured he could get some water later, once he arrived at the battle site. But for now, he had to follow Amadeus’ orders.

    He walked the rest of the trek in silence.

    —————————————————

    “Alright. Ve’re here.”

    Upon hearing Amadeus’ voice, Luddy breathed a huge sigh of relief.

    “Finally!” he cried happily. “Ve get to battle a Pokémon! Oh, I’m so happy! How long has it been exactly?”

    Amadeus sighed. “Sirty minutes.”

    “Sirty minutes?!” gasped Luddy. “Dear Arceus! It’s felt like hours!”

    “It vould hafe felt shorter if you hadn’t been complaining!” Amadeus snapped.

    “But- but I just vas sirsty!” Luddy protested.

    “Zat is your fault und your fault alone, Luh-dee.”

    ‘Loo-dee,’” corrected Luddy gently.

    “Vhat—?” Amadeus asked.

    “It’s ‘loo-dee,’ not ‘luh-dee,’” Luddy explained. “I vas named for Beethofen, und no von efer says ‘luhd-vig’ van Beethofen, do zey? It’s alvays been ‘lood-vig’ van Beethofen. So say ‘loo-dee.’ Long ‘o,’ not short.”

    Amadeus just stared at him.

    “Like ‘lood-vig,’” Luddy clarified.

    Amadeus shrugged. “Let’s just go.”

    The founding Starly began to walk away, his head held high. Luddy followed, both excited and anxious- excited that he would be battling as part of the club for the first time, and anxious that Amadeus would chew him out if he made even one slight mistake. Still, though, he couldn’t wait to show his skills in battle to Amadeus.

    Eventually, he came to a halt in front of the Starly.

    “Alright,” said Amadeus. “Now, I’m pretty sure you know zat in order to vin a Pokémon battle, you must make ze opposing Pokémon faint.”

    Luddy nodded reluctantly. “Right.”

    “Vell, zere’s more to it zan zat,” Amadeus said firmly. “Allow me to show you vat I mean.” He scanned the area in search of a Pokémon that he could fight. Then- he saw something in the grass.

    He paused.

    “You zere!” cried Amadeus fiercely.

    The Pokémon stopped. It was a Budew.

    “Battle me!” Amadeus squawked.

    The Budew looked at him in confusion. Luddy was horrified. Amadeus was going to battle a Budew?! That went completely against his standards. He was a very methodical battler, and also a pacifist. The very first thing he would do, upon seeing any Pokémon, was judge whether or not it was worthy of a battle. If it wasn’t, he would let it go free. If it was, he would hit it first with a bunch of status moves before then moving on to the actual physical ones, and even still, he’d try not to make it faint. And given that this was a Budew, he was clearly not worthy of a battle. Immediately feeling concern for the adorable baby Pokémon, Luddy ran forward.

    “Vait!” he called out. “Amadeus, vat are you doing? Zat’s a baby Pokémon! You can’t faint zat!”

    “Vat are you talking about?!” snapped Amadeus. “Fainting a Pokémon is ze foundation of efery battle. It’s not like I’m killing him.”

    “But you’re hurting him!”

    “Oh, stop being zat vay! It’s going to make me sick!” He glared over at the Budew, and then whispered to Luddy, “Now... vatch und learn.”

    And with that, he lunged toward the Budew at full speed. Luddy could barely look at what was going on- he couldn’t bear to see the poor thing get hurt. He watched on, in horror, as Amadeus spread his wings. Both of them turned white, and white energy shined off of them at the wingtips. Then, he flew forward, and yelled out:

    Flügelschlag!

    And on cue, he slammed one of his wings into the terrified Budew. Luddy gasped in horror as the Budew was thrown back, desperately struggling to stand up. Eventually, he did manage to stand, and Luddy breathed a sigh of relief. Amadeus perched back down onto the floor and turned to Luddy.

    “Now you do it,” he said.

    Terrified, Luddy nodded and stepped forward. He was just about to attack when he looked over at the poor Budew and realized it didn’t deserve to get hurt any longer. It should be free. But how was he to help him?

    Then, he noticed it- an Oran Berry in a tree. Thinking quickly, he jumped up and grabbed the Oran Berry in his mouth, being careful not to crush or eat it. Amadeus stared at him.

    “V-vhat are you doing?” he muttered.

    Luddy didn’t hear him. He walked over to the poor, terrified Budew and gently set down the Oran Berry.

    “It’s okay,” he said gently.

    The Budew’s face instantly turned from fear to curiousity. Luddy nudged the Oran Berry over to the Budew.

    “Here,” he said. “Do you vant zis?”

    The Budew gurgled happily and ate up the Oran Berry. Luddy smiled and laughed, happy that he was able to help out a Pokémon, rather than hurt them.

    But the moment didn’t last long, as Amadeus suddenly came swooping in, knocking right into the Budew again and throwing it back. Luddy gasped in horror and turned to Amadeus with a look of disdain.

    “V-vhat vas zat for?!” he cried.

    “Vhat vas zat for?” snapped Amadeus angrily. “Vhat vas zat for?! Let me ask you vhat vas zat for! You veren’t villing to fight zat Budew?! Zat is not how a battle vorks!”

    “But... I didn’t vant to see zat Budew in any more danger!” protested Luddy.

    “Danger?!” Amadeus squawked. “Battles are not dangerous! Zey help make you stronger!”

    “Zat vas a baby Pokémon!”

    “Zat vas a Pokémon nonzeless!”

    “Didn’t you see how happy it vas vhen I gafe it zat berry?!”

    All Pokémon must be fought! It’s a rule!”

    Luddy panicked. “Zis vas for ze greater good!”

    “Battles are for ze greater good, Luh-dee!”

    “‘Loo-dee-’”

    “WHO IN ZE VORLD HAS EFER SAID ‘LOO-DEE?!’”

    Luddy stepped back, terrified by Amadeus’ sudden screaming. He turned back towards where the Budew had been moments earlier, but it was now long gone. Sadly, he looked down. Amadeus took a few breaths and eventually calmed himself down, but still eyed Luddy with a cold glare.

    “Zat’s it,” he said. “Ve’re done.”

    He began to walk off. Luddy followed.

    “Done?”

    “Done,” repeated Amadeus. “Ve’re going to try zis again tomorrow, und I do not vant to see zis happen again vis any Pokémon. I don’t care if it’s cute or not, I don’t care if you vant it to be safed or not, you vill battle it und you vill faint it. Is zat understood?!”

    He glared at Luddy again. Terrified, the Turtwig looked down sadly and nodded. He didn’t want to do it, but Amadeus’ word was final, and that was clear.

    “Understood,” he muttered.

    “Good,” Amadeus said. “Now let’s go back. I vill alert ze ozer club members of zis failure of yours, und vhen ve get back you vill be going straight to bed visout any food.”

    Reluctantly, Luddy sighed and nodded. He loved food, and the thought of going to bed without it was traumatizing. Yet it was an order. Whatever Amadeus said, went.

    He trudged sadly behind Amadeus and thought back to the Budew he had saved earlier. Why couldn’t Amadeus just let the poor thing go free?

    “Z-zere vill be vater, zough... right?” he asked nervously.

    Amadeus paused, then nodded.

    “Yes,” he said. “Zere vill be vater.”

    —————————————————

    Yep, as you can tell, Amadeus starts out in the fanfic as a bit of a strict, domineering jerk with some high expectations... But don’t worry, later on he’ll learn to be more flexible towards both his members and other Pokémon with the help of Luddy... and the Salieri character.

    But that is it, folks! Part One is over! Any thoughts on this part of the chapter? Please let me know! I’ll see you all next time with Part Two of Chapter One, in which Luddy decides he’s not good enough for the club and Amadeus’ softer side begins to come out...

    *NOTE: “Flügelschlag” is German for Wing Attack.*
     
  8. FireSpartan5

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    Not bad. I like Luddy's character and the difference of opinion the two have on battling. My only critique is that since Amadeus is supposed to be a protagonist, it is not the best idea in my opinion to paint him in such a harsh light during his introduction. It makes me dislike the guy, and though it does make me appreciate Luddy more, your good guys should never come across as too harsh during their first appearance if you want the audience to root for them. Overall decent job, and I am on board completely, but I would tone down the emphasis on Amadeus's "I'm going to attack innocent creatures who can't fight back" thing. Makes him seem more like a villain.
     
  9. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Thanks! As for your comments on Amadeus, remember this is the first part of the first chapter. He will eventually loosen up a bit with help from Luddy and Sal. Also, to Amadeus, that Budew was not an innocent creature, but a Pokémon that needed to be battled. He’s harsh because he’s a leader, and in part 2 you’ll find that he’s considerably less harsh towards everyone else because he’s known them for a while. Remember, Luddy came in three days ago.

    Also, have you seen Amadeus ever? The movie Amadeus? Because the whole Mozart-Salieri thing is going to be done completely differently here...

    Finally, any thoughts on the “loo-dee” thing? I find it crazy that people say “luhd-dee” even though no one says “luhd-vig”...
     
  10. FireSpartan5

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    Cooler Gary Oak ★★★★★Tapunium Z ★★★★★Choice Specs ★★★★★Flame Orb ★★★★★
    I have not seen Amadeus. I honestly don't know what to think about the Luddy thing. I understand why people would mispronounce it, and I know a shockingly large amount of people who mispronounce Beethoven's name. Both first and last actually, though the latter is less common. Either way, it does make a good running gag if that is the plan you have for it.

    I also understand that Amadeus treats him harshly because Luddy is new, and the thing with the Budew. My point is, even though it narratively makes sense, it is hard to like the character if his first appearance shows him so harshly. I am no expert writer myself, but even the most morally gray protagonists should make a good first impression, in order to stick well with the audience. For example, in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver were initially on the side of evil due to several misunderstandings and a want for revenge, but since they would eventually become heroes by the end of Avengers: Age of Ultron, they were portrayed in a sympathetic light from the beginning, and surrounded by Hydra agents, who were far worse, to make them seem more likable by comparison. My point is, that if Amadeus is the least morally good character in his debut, it makes me less inclined to care for him later on, no matter how good he turns out to be. Unless you want to make him a villain and then redeem him, but you explicitly said that wasn't what you were doing.

    Again, overall you did a pretty good job. I was just trying to better explain my only real concern.
     
  11. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Oh, okay then.
     
  12. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    Part Two of Chapter One has arrived, and get yourself ready for a doozy! Luddy, fed up with Amadeus’ harsh nature, decides to leave the club. And for those of you who were worried about Amadeus, this chapter shows a completely different side to him... Enjoy!

    Symphony #1: Battles
    Part Two
    That night, Luddy was given a glass of water, and then, as Amadeus had ordered, he went straight to bed, while everyone else ate a delicious feast. The rest of the Carnegie Club was sitting at a table, furiously eating delicious berries and Pokémon food, when one of the members- a friendly Rockruff named Pachy- noticed that Luddy wasn’t there.

    He tilted his head in confusion. Where was Luddy? He loved food. Even though it had only been three days, Pachy still knew Luddy well enough to realize it wasn’t like him to miss out on a dinner.

    “Amadeus?” he asked.

    The Starly was busy smoothing out his feathers when he suddenly heard Pachy.

    “Oh. Sorry, Pachy,” he said. “Vhat do you vant?”

    Pachy blinked.

    “Where’s Luddy?” he asked.

    “Yeah, where is he?” asked one of the other members, an emotional music-loving Kricketot. “He’s never missed out on a dinner before.”

    “Oh, yes,” Amadeus responded. “He vas sent to bed visout it.”

    “What?!” gasped Pachy. “Why would you do such a thing?”

    “Simple,” said Amadeus. “You see, he refused to follow ze rules of battling und let an opponent go free, efen vhen I specifically told him to attack it. So, I sent him to bed visout any food.”

    “For that...?” Pachy muttered. “That’s a bit harsh. Can’t you just let him do what he wants?”

    “How can I?” Amadeus gawked. “If he doesn’t learn to battle all und efery opponent he faces, he vill nefer get stronger. His vay of battling is judging vhezer or not a Pokémon should be battled, und he didn’t sink ze Budew ve vere facing should hafe been.”

    “He saved a Budew?!” Pachy cried.”How could you not have it go free?!”

    “Pachy, I’m not efil. Zere are much vorse Pokémon out zere zan me, und zey vill take down Luh-dee if zey get ze chance.”

    “I know. But still, did you really have to take down an innocent Budew?”

    Amadeus sighed.

    “Look, Pachy, I know you sink I vas being harsh for no reason, but I just vant him to be strong, just like how I vant all of you to be strong. If he doesn’t learn to battle soon, he could be pushed around by eferyvon else und not care a bit because he doesn’t sink zey’re vors ‘battling.’” He looked down. “Und I don’t vant a pushofer in my club.”

    “Maybe he just doesn’t want to battle in the same way all of us do,” said Pachy.

    “Vell, he should!” Amadeus squawked. “He’s not going to get anyvere if he just sits around safing Pokémon!”

    “I think you’re being too harsh on him, Amadeus,” the Kricketot agreed.

    “Antofi, please understand...”

    “That Budew was probably feeling very happy to be saved, you know,” added a shy Duskull sitting in the corner of the table. “If it were up to me, I’d say Luddy did a good thing.”

    “A good sing...?”

    The other club members nodded. Sighing, Amadeus took a look at his food. He wanted Luddy to get stronger, and battling Pokémon was the only way he would get any stronger. On the other hand- or wing, perhaps- the Budew probably did feel happy and secure when Luddy gave it that Oran Berry. He thought.

    “I did gife him vater vhen I got back, but he’s probably feeling hungry right now,” he muttered. “Still, zough... I hafe fery strict rules und expectations. Ze fact zat he broke von of zem remains unchanged. I expected him to battle, he didn’t, und now he has to pay ze price for it.”

    “Oh, come on, Amadeus,” Pachy pleaded. “Loosen up a bit.”

    Amadeus paused. He shook his head.

    “Pachy, I’m sorry. Rules are rules. I can’t.”

    Pachy whimpered, defeated, and sadly looked down at his now-empty plate. At that moment, the dinner bell rang, and Amadeus sat up.

    “Oh! Vould you look at zat. Dinner is ofer.” He stood up. “Gife me your plates, if you please.”

    Discouraged, the rest of the club gave their plates to Amadeus and left, as Antovi appropriately played the sad tones of Für Elise. Once everyone else had left, Amadeus paused and stared down at his plate. It still had food on it, and Luddy had to be starving by now...

    He shook his head sadly. He couldn’t. He had expectations, and he had to follow them. Reluctantly, he walked over and threw the rest of his food down the garbage can, then flew up to the nest that he always slept in and perched in it.

    Had he been harsh on him? Maybe.

    Was it necessary? He certainly thought so.

    Still, though, he couldn’t help wondering. And eventually, he woke up. His conscience had gotten the better of him.

    He flew straight to the kitchen.
    —————————————————

    Luddy couldn’t sleep all night. Not only was his stomach rumbling with hunger, but he couldn’t help but think about Amadeus. He sighed. He knew he had done the right thing in letting that Budew go free, but Amadeus certainly didn’t think so. Now he had to go to bed with water, but no food...

    He sat up and looked down at the floor sadly. Amadeus’ expectations were high, and he knew that. If he couldn’t even meet them... then what good could he possibly do for the club as a whole?

    He sighed. Maybe it would be better if he just left.

    He was just about to go to bed when, suddenly, he heard a knock at the door.

    “Luh-dee?”

    It was Amadeus. Luddy sighed.

    “‘Loo-dee.’”

    A pause. “Vhatefer. Open ze door. I vas feeling a bit guilty, so I made you food.”

    Luddy didn’t move, which surprised him for a second. Amadeus brought him food- shouldn’t he be jumping at the chance? He was hungry, after all. But he stopped himself from running up. He was too down in the dumps to eat anything. Amadeus knocked on the door again.

    “Hello? Aren’t you hungry?” he asked.

    Silence. Luddy heard a sigh from Amadeus.

    “Fine. I’ll just leafe it at ze door, zen.” He walked away. “Good night.”

    Luddy waited for him to leave before making his move. Once he was sure Amadeus was out of sight, he looked around. He couldn’t stay in this club any more. Not with Amadeus’ harsh style.

    Quietly, he took out a piece of paper and a pen. He stuck the pen in his mouth (being careful not to eat it). Then, he wrote:

    Dear Carnegie Club,

    I have decided to leave your club and go back home. If I can’t even battle properly, and can’t live up to Amadeus’ expectations, then I don’t deserve to be here. I’m sorry if you have to read this, and I wish all of you the best of luck.

    Sincerely, Luddy

    He put down the pen and ran out the door of his bedroom while carrying the note without a moment’s notice. Quietly, he walked over to the dining hall and set the note on the table.

    Then, he sprinted out the door of the clubhouse and into the night.

    He wasn’t worth it.

    That’s it for Part Two! If you have any thoughts, please let me know. In Part 3, we get to see the rest of the club’s reactions to Luddy’s departure, and Amadeus meets with an old rival/friend...
     
  13. FireSpartan5

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    Cooler Gary Oak ★★★★★Tapunium Z ★★★★★Choice Specs ★★★★★Flame Orb ★★★★★
    This part is great. Everything makes perfect sense to me and it humanizes Amadeus a little bit. First impressions are hard to erase however, so I can't wait to see what you come up with for Amadeus in the future to warm us up to him. Overall good job.
     
  14. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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  15. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    And here comes Part 3 of Chapter 1, ladies and gents! In this chapter, we find out Amadeus’ (and the rest of the club members’) reactions to Luddy’s departure. As Amadeus begins to reconsider his vigilante approach to battling, he is greeted by an old friend/rival of his...

    Yep, here is where we finally get introduced to the character of Sal! I hope you enjoy!

    Symphony #1: Battles
    Part 3
    The next morning, Amadeus was peacefully sleeping, when all of a sudden, the frantic tones of Sabre Dance began ringing in the air. Worse yet, he heard a voice coming from the hall:

    “Amadeus! Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

    Immediately alerted, Amadeus woke up- and saw a clearly panicked Antovi running towards him, followed by all of the other members. His eyes widened. Something had to be wrong. Now gravely concerned, he flew down to the other members.

    “Vhat? Vhat’s happening?!” he asked, panicked.

    “It’s Luddy!” Antovi cried. “We were looking for him this morning to see if he was hungry for breakfast, but when we got to the table...” He held up a note that appeared to be handwritten, and waved it in front of Amadeus’ face. Amadeus tilted his head.

    “Go on, read it!” Pachy cried.

    “Alright, alright.” Amadeus cleared his throat, and read:

    “‘Dear Carnegie Club: I hafe decided to... leafe your club und go back home?!’”

    The words filled him instantly with shock. How could Luddy leave when there was still so much to teach him?

    “Keep reading,” Antovi said.

    “‘If I can’t efen battle properly, und can’t life up to Amadeus’ expectations, zen I don’t deserfe to be here. I’m sorry if you hafe to read zis, und I vish you all ze best of luck. Sincerely... Luh-dee.’”

    The minute he finished reading, Amadeus’ eyes filled up with regret. Luddy left... because of him? He couldn’t believe it at first. He knew he had expectations, but he had always thought his harshness towards him was for a good reason. Amadeus turned to the other members, horrified.

    “But... how?” he asked. “I don’t understand.”

    “We told you yesterday you were being too harsh on him,” snarked Pachy.

    “Yes, but I nefer sought he vould leafe because of it! I just vanted to make him stronger, not drife him out.” He paused. “I...”

    Amadeus looked down sadly. Maybe they were right, and he had been a bit too harsh. But he hadn’t thought so. He thought he was just doing what was right for Luddy’s sake. Instantly, he was filled with regret. He had to make it up to him and bring him back somehow.

    “Excuse me,” he said. “I hafe to go. You go out zere und try to find Luh-dee.”

    “Don’t worry, Amadeus!” Pachy cried. “You can count on us.”

    “Although, it’s actually ‘Loo-dee,’” the Duskull pointed out.

    “I know, Chopper. Just find him,” Amadeus muttered.

    With that, he was gone. Now fueled with determination, everyone else turned towards Pachy.

    “Well, what are we waiting for?” he asked. “Let’s go find Luddy and bring him back here where he belongs!”

    And with that, a loud cheer went up- and the members of the Carnegie Club ran out the door.
    —————————————————

    Amadeus sat in a tree, filled with intense regret. He had been harsh with Luddy, sure, but he certainly hadn’t meant to drive him out of the club. The whole reason he had let Luddy in in the first place was because he thought he would be an asset to the club. Certainly not a hindrance!

    He sighed. What exactly had driven Luddy out of the club, he wondered? Had it truly been how he treated Luddy? It definitely seemed that way from the letter. Yet, he also remembered that he had praised his battle style and dismissed Luddy’s. Maybe that was it?

    “I just don’t get it,” he muttered to himself. “How could I hafe led him out of here? I didn’t kill anybody; I just caused damage.” He paused, then sighed. “I nefer meant any harm by it.”

    Then, at that moment, he heard a voice.

    “Hello? Anybody there?”

    Amadeus immediately shot up. That couldn’t have been Luddy... could it?

    He looked again. No, it wasn’t Luddy.

    It was a Budew.

    And it looked like the Budew from earlier, too. Confused, Amadeus got back up- and immediately, the poor Budew started crying. As if he was terrified that Amadeus was going to attack at any moment. Amadeus panicked. He had no idea what to do in this kind of situation.

    “Vha-vhat did I do?!” he asked, panicked.

    The Budew sniffled, then started crying again.

    “Do you speak?” Amadeus asked.

    The Budew nodded. “Starly bad!”

    He burst into tears again. Amadeus was shook.

    “Bad...?”

    The Budew nodded, choking back tears. “Starly hurt Budew. Budew want Turtwig who saved Budew’s life!”

    Luddy?!

    Amadeus gasped. It was the Budew from earlier- and he wasn’t out looking for him, Amadeus realized. He had been looking for Luddy. With remorse, he looked out at the poor sobbing Budew as it ran away from him- and it was then that he truly realized just how wrong his vigilante style was. He immediately sat back up, horrified, and let out a loud scream of remorse. Only one thing was running through his head at that particular moment:

    “VHAT DID I JUST DO?!”

    He looked down. So it had been his treatment of Luddy that drove him away. But he still didn’t fully understand. He had rules- shouldn’t they always be followed?

    He sat back down in the tree he was in and surprised himself.

    He started to cry.

    He had never done this before, he realized. He had always considered it to be the mark of a bad leader to start breaking down in emotion, and yet here he was, doing exactly that. He couldn’t take it anymore.

    “Luh-dee!” he sobbed. “Vherefer you are, please come back! I need you! Ze club needs you! I...” He paused. “I just vanted you to get stronger...”

    He sniffled, then eventually stopped crying and looked down sadly. He certainly hadn’t meant any of this. He wondered where Luddy was now.

    Then he heard something.

    “Amadeus? Is that you?!”

    He paused. He knew that voice. He looked up- and was stunned to see a Drifloon floating up in front of him. Amadeus could barely believe it.

    “Sal?!”

    The Drifloon’s eyes twinkled.

    “Amadeus!”

    And with that, Part Three is over! I hope you enjoyed! In Part 4, the rest of the Carnegie Club continues their search for Luddy, and Sal helps Amadeus to better understand Luddy’s point of view regarding battles. It all ends on a cliffhanger- leading into the final part, Part 5- that you don’t want to miss!
     
  16. FireSpartan5

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    Cooler Gary Oak ★★★★★Tapunium Z ★★★★★Choice Specs ★★★★★Flame Orb ★★★★★
    Ok, good as usual. From now on I think I'll only leave comments when I have concerns, because I don't want to take up too much space in the thread. If I ever don't comment, it will be because I thought the chapter was as good as possible. That being said, it also applies here. Nice job!
     
  17. oghond

    oghond Black Belt

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    OK thanks! Yeah, Amadeus is being humbled like CRAZY here...
     
  18. sean hall

    sean hall Swimmer

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    Water Stone ★★★
    carma is out to get him please wight more it is so good i would rate it five stars
     
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